Narcissists – they’re a dramatic bunch. Their antics often blow in like a storm. Most of what they do involves attention-seeking tactics, gossiping as though it’s their life’s mission, and over-the-top scenes to convey their false victimhood to anyone willing to listen. It’s all one big show to protect and feed their fragile egos.

In virtually all cases, narcissistic behaviour involves blaming someone else for either something they actually did or potentially for an event that is completely fictional. This allows the narcissist to shift responsibility and accountability away from themselves (or, in the case of a fictional event, create drama because they thoroughly enjoy it) while making a show of putting someone else down (which makes them feel ‘more than’) and usually creating a victim story for themselves in the process. It’s a triple-whammy against whoever their target happens to be. Not only are they accusing you of wrongdoing and berating your character for it, but they may also be adding in some false injustice that you carried out against them in the process.

My advice is to not take any of it personally. This has nothing to do with anyone but the narcissist. They may be looking for attention because they are in need of an ego boost, seeking out drama because they’re bored, trying to escape accountability, etc. You’re just a pawn in their game. Simply refuse to play.

If the narcissist’s newest ploy (bringing other people into it while putting you on the hotseat, for example) causes issues that need to be resolved, face it head-on and try to leave emotion out of it. State the facts, don’t engage with the narcissist and then move forward. Stay calm and don’t get drawn into their storm. A narcissist will bog you down in arguments and pointless details for days or more if you allow it. They thrive on drama and conflict. The best thing you can do to protect yourself is to give the situation the minimum amount of energy possible (if it’s something that even needs to be dealt with; much of what narcissists do is quite ignorable) in a business-like way and then be done with all of it. This will hopefully shut it all down and also make the narcissist less likely to target you in the future. When they realize that someone has seen through them and their ongoing trouble-making, they will typically discard that person eventually and replace them with someone who doesn’t yet ‘have their number’. Quite honestly, having a narcissistic personality must be a hellish way to go through life – so much of their energy goes into ego-stroking. It can be helpful to view a narcissist through that lens because it allows you to see that almost everything they do revolves around themselves and their fragile, overly sensitive egos. That, quite honestly, is pitiful, and awareness of it is a major key in dealing with narcissists.

To sum it up, I always recommend reacting to narcissistic behaviour as briefly as possible and attempting to keep it emotionless. They prey on our emotions so do your best to leave those out of it. Once you’ve said or done whatever is necessary to prevent or repair issues created by the narcissist’s latest manipulation, leave it be. Take away any energy or emotion so that there isn’t anything for them to feed on. This requires practice but it’s completely achievable in time. And, best of all, it works.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter