Being aware of our intuition and feelings is important. This is especially true when it comes to how we feel around certain people. The Oxford Languages definition of intuition is “the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning”. Further, according to the Berkley Well-Being Institute, “[i]ntuition is the result of your brain putting together everything you have learned from past experiences in your life to help you form a quick conclusion.”
So, here’s the thing: our intuition and our feelings are worth listening to and honouring. When dealing with narcissists and other toxic people, we have the option of setting aside their manipulations and unpleasant behaviour and simply hearing what’s happening inside of us. We can ask ourselves, “how am I feeling as I’m interacting with this person?”. And if it’s bringing about unpleasant feelings – whether it’s the first time or the thousandth time – we have every right to create boundaries and enforce them. That could look like walking away, telling someone our boundaries, or maybe limiting our contact with them through no contact or low contact. It could even give us time and space to clear our minds and reevaluate certain relationships. Obviously, that will depend on the person’s role in our life. Is there likely to be pushback from an individual or individuals that we’re taking a stand with for ourselves? There’s a huge chance of it, yes. But can we weather that storm in honour and protection of ourselves? Absolutely.
Growing up in a dysfunctional environment often breaks us down on every level. We accept poor treatment because we’ve been trained to think we don’t deserve better or that this is what love looks like or that there are very real consequences for going against or questioning the status quo. It’s usually all we’ve ever experienced, so it’s challenging to imagine that it’s ‘wrong’ or that we could possibly expect something different for ourselves. But despite all of that, our intuition and our emotions will continue to speak to us and set off those internal alarms. Someone in our lives may have trained us to believe that we’re inferior and/or a black sheep and so on, and we may not question those narratives about ourselves as a result. We’ve literally been brainwashed. But our instinct or sixth sense – whatever we want to call it – will always be operating inside us. No one can shut that off, regardless of how much they’d like to do so. They can condition us not to listen to it, for sure. Like when we’re told that we’re “too sensitive” or “stupid” or “unattractive”, we may believe it because we’ve been told for so long that’s it’s true and we’ll likely have received strong reactions to any attempts we’ve made to contradict those claims against us. And yet, our intuition will be telling us otherwise. It may be a little flutter in the solar plexus (physical sensations) or flickering feelings and/or thoughts that contradict the toxic words or beliefs being expressed to us. That will always be there. And we will always have the option to hear it and, if we so choose, act on it.
That little voice inside us – or the interconnected reactions within our physical bodies – is our ally, our protector, our connection to truth and authenticity within ourselves. When our environment is harsh and hurtful, intuition is rays of light within us that point the way to our truth. And it isn’t going anywhere. It’s there for us any time, anywhere, and it forever will be. We have freedom of choice to hear it or ignore it. But, regardless of what we choose, we have that element of choice available to us. That’s empowering in itself.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and Twitter
It’s quite the grand cover-up that narcissists create for themselves at the expense of others. So, when it looks like they have everything locked up and have left us no way out, how do we escape it? The biggest step is awareness. Just being conscious of how this disordered system works is more than half the battle. Beyond that, we have numerous options. We can go low- or no-contact with the abusive individual and their enablers. This can be challenging, whether it’s within a workplace, family, or other type of relationship. It may mean taking steps that are outside of our comfort zone. But we are never trapped unless we allow ourselves to believe that we are. There are paths out of the lair. We just need to see them and be willing to take the steps. That may mean walking away from or creating strong boundaries within family or relationships, asking for shift or department changes at work, or maybe even finding a new job with a healthy environment.
