What’s in a name? Honestly, a lot! And that’s particularly true when the name we’re being called is negative and it’s coming from someone we care about.
Here’s an example. Let’s say you grew up with a parent (with narcissistic traits and/or emotional immaturity, etc.) and they regularly referred to you as ‘average’ or ‘stupid’ or ‘foolish’ or a ‘loser’. They may also have had a habit of comparing you to others in unfavourable ways. “She’s so much prettier/smarter/nicer than you” and so on. So, this is your parent saying unpleasant things. In most cases, when we’re children, we trust our parents and believe that they ‘know’ more than we do. We also count on them to provide for us and keep us safe. It’s a vulnerable position to be in, particularly if our parent(s) have issues that are projected onto us. And so we tend to accept their labels as accurate. Of additional note are situations where an enabling parent simply goes along with the toxic parent and/or doesn’t attempt to protect us from the abuse. That’s a disappointment that adds to the struggle of the situation, without a doubt.
Being treated as though we are ‘less than’ or just plain useless is tough on our psyche. We take in the negativity and we typically begin internally labelling ourselves the same way. We might act out because we may decide to be who important people in our lives appear to think we are, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. And we see ourselves in negative ways that impact our lives in a variety of ways, from self-perception and confidence to academic underachievements, issues in relationships, and mental health issues like depression and anxiety, to name just a few.
The fact of the matter is that we aren’t deserving of the negative labels that our dysfunctional parent(s) (using the term loosely) may place on us. It is, in fact, our parent(s) who have deficiencies, such as fragile egos or emotional immaturity, and a chronic need to put down others to feel better about themselves. As for the enabling parent, they’re often trying to keep the heat off themselves from their toxic partner and so they go along with everything to maintain the f**ked up status quo. Massive betrayal of their scapegoated/abused children but, hey, they saved themselves and isn’t that what counts (sarcasm meter going off the charts)? At the most basic of levels, our parents should love us and be our biggest fans, particularly in our childhood and young adult years. And at the very least, if they can’t be positive and supportive, they shouldn’t ever be causing us damage of any kind. But that’s simply the nature of some human beings, unfortunately. Hurt people hurt people. They’re toxic.
This is simplified advice, and there are many ways to counteract this type of toxicity, but, for now, this is what needs to be said:
Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Know your worth. Stay strong. Hold your head high. This is YOUR life. Don’t let others, no matter who they are, negatively impact what your future may hold. Surround yourself with people who care about you, support you, and are beacons of positivity. You’ve got this.
Until next time,
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching & Wellness
naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com
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~Let’s all take good care of this planet of ours~
