Narcissists often engage in behaviours aimed at eliciting strong emotional reactions from others, including trying to provoke them into getting upset. This can serve several purposes for the narcissist, such as gaining a sense of power or control over the other person, deflecting attention away from their own shortcomings or insecurities, or simply deriving satisfaction from seeing others react emotionally. It’s part of their manipulation tactics and can be a way for them to maintain their sense of superiority or dominance in relationships.

Baiting can occur during a conversation in which we have inquired of a narcissistic individual regarding some aspect of their behaviour (possible response to a question directed to a narcissist: “Why are you worried about what I’m doing when your life is so obviously a huge mess?”). They may be trying to hide something or explain away their actions, and so they will turn the spotlight on us (example response: “I don’t know what you’re talking about; maybe you should worry more about your pathetic need to question me”). If they are successful in getting an emotional reaction by upsetting us, then the focus will be on us rather than them. They might bring up a past event or personal issue that was challenging for us, or maybe something that they have decided to accuse us of, and so on. Their goal is to find something…anything that they believe will be likely to trigger an emotional reaction from us.

One of the best ways to respond to being baited is no response at all, if it is safe to do so. Behave as though that bait was not even put in front of you. See it for what it is and choose not to give it any energy. Or simply an unemotional response (grey rock method) will often work. Narcissists thrive on the emotionally upset reactions of others, especially when it creates a distraction from their own issues. And it allows them to feel superior when someone else is, for instance, giving way to their emotions as a result of being baited. So, where possible, it’s most beneficial not to give them those emotional reactions to use to their advantage. When we grow our awareness of this type of tactic, it makes it easier to spot and respond calmly (or not at all). We can empower and protect ourselves with awareness. Plus, a subdued reaction is better for our own emotional and physical wellbeing. Healthy blood pressure and heart rate levels from staying calm can benefit our overall health. And not feeling emotionally overloaded is definitely a plus.

As always, if you feel as though you may be dealing with a narcissist and you are struggling to cope, seek out professional help and take steps to keep yourself safe.

Here’s some ideas for fidget/anxiety jewellery to keep us grounded when we’re attempting to stay calm or settle ourselves: https://amzn.to/3ULN18l

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

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