When we split from our narcissistic partner, how can they so easily and quickly move on to someone new? That’s a question many of us have asked ourselves.
First of all, narcissists typically aren’t happy being on their own. Being single might, to them, signify being “less than”, and that isn’t how they do things. Their egos need constant bolstering. So they may spend time actively pursuing several people in their quest for a new partner, or jump straight into a new relationship.
Secondly, their depth of emotion is different than that of others. “Love”, to them, means someone giving them what they need on all levels. It isn’t usually about loving someone else, but, rather, being loved or adored or worshipped. It’s a shallow concept for narcissists, that doesn’t require time or growth; it’s simply about love-bombing their target so that real love and adulation comes back to them as soon as possible. We’ve likely figured out their games so they need to find someone who’s unaware of who they are. Love-bombing and mirroring help them to draw someone new into their trap, and it means that they don’t have to make any personal changes in order to be in a relationship.
Lastly, brain scans of people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder show that they have less brain matter in areas associated with emotional empathy (Derksen, 2019). When we break up with a narcissist (or vice versa because we’ve been discarded), they won’t feel truly saddened by the event or be sorry or accountable for any of their actions. Angry and vengeful are more apt to be their go-to responses, or behaving as though they never knew us. They just move on to someone new and appear to have forgotten our entire shared history (which is likely something that would benefit us as non-narcissists, except that we aren’t built that way). Then, they often add in smear campaigns. That’s because they need us to be the villains of the story since they won’t accept that responsibility.
So, yes, narcissists typically move on from relationships quickly and easily. There are a variety of factors at play but the above three are some of the main ones. And that’s okay if they do things that way. We feel our emotions and need to process break-ups differently. However, letting go of what the narcissist is doing and who they’re now with is the best thing we can do for our wellbeing while we’re working through it. And, no, there is nothing wrong with us simply because they moved on quickly. We loved a narcissist. They’ve moved onto something new. That’s what they do. We aren’t a part of the equation. 2 + 2 = narcissistic behaviour.
As usual, here are some book suggestions: https://amzn.to/4bLozKa
Until next time,
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching
naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com
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References
Derksen, S. (2019, May 17). Seeing Narcissism in the Brain. Dr. Syras Derksen. https://drsyrasderksen.com/seeing-narcissism-in-the-brain.html
This explains it all…