It’s intriguing how narcissistically-inclined individuals refuse to take the blame for anything, even when everyone involved is aware that they are clearly at fault. Definitely a case of ego protection. Fragile egos cannot withstand being wrong…ever. And one of the best add-ons to refusing to take the blame is often putting that blame onto others.

Using family as an example, if we happen to be the scapegoat, that makes us the ongoing target of narcissists or other toxic people who need to shift the direction in which fingers are pointing. Plus, it’s easy for a dysfunctional family to accept without question that the designated scapegoat is the problem, even without any evidence or so much as asking for their perspective on the matter at hand. This could also happen in the workplace, social situations, or other environments.

So the next time that you are blamed for something you didn’t do, say, or whatever the accusation entails, consider the source. Is this someone with a fragile ego? Have you thought of them being narcissistic in nature? Do they have to be ‘right’ at all costs in order to continue their mask of perfection? Have they dragged you into it as a scapegoat for their own behaviour? Or is this person a flying monkey, acting on behalf of a narcissist who’s trying to shift blame? If so, stay strong. Take the emotion out and consider the mechanics of it. When you look at the situation from a neutral state, it’s much less complicated to approach. Avoiding JADE-ing – Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain – will also be useful. None of that is necessary. Walk away if you can. Say as little as possible. Don’t engage with the blame projector or anyone who is encouraging or furthering their accusations. Hold your head high. People (particularly flying monkeys) will believe what they want to believe, no matter what we say or do. Know that this has nothing to do with you and you owe no one any explanations or apologies. If you absolutely need to speak for yourself, stick to the facts and leave that emotional component out of it.

And remember, they make it about you because they literally aren’t strong enough for it to be about them. They can’t be wrong. They refuse to be accountable as a result. This is a disordered person and, usually, their merry band of enablers on the sidelines. No amount of explaining, putting forward evidence, or pointing the finger will improve the situation. Narcissists and assorted other toxic people will not back down, especially if it involves their egos taking a hit. It helps to focus on being grateful that you don’t need to live your life like that. Think about how much energy is required to behave in that fashion and continually find ways to protect against any hits to the ego. Leave them to their devices and move forward. It isn’t easy to be blamed for other people’s actions. But accepting the blame is an entirely different aspect. Just because someone says it, doesn’t make it true, nor does it mean we need to accept it. Know yourself and stay loyal to who you are, regardless of whatever chaos may be swirling around.

Trust me when I say that the more you practice leaving the emotion out of interactions with narcissists or their supporters, the easier it gets to stay calm and not be affected by their behaviour. This leads to improved awareness and empowerment, which allows us the tools to avoid being trapped in the future webs of narcissists. Stay strong and aware, my friends! We’ve got this!

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Twitter