When we stand up for ourselves within a toxic family system – for instance our family of origin, especially one headed by a narcissist – there is almost definitely going to be fallout. This is especially true if we’re the scapegoat. Then we will likely be faced with silent treatments, guilt and shame tactics, other abusive behavior, and basically being ganged up on by our family members. Everyone will want things to return to what they were previously. Change in these systems tends to make everyone feel unsettled and anxious, typically because when the leader is a narcissist, they will do anything to avoid losing control of the situation. They become more angry, unreasonable, aggressive, and demanding, and their moody behavior knows no bounds. So they will wage war against us, using other family members as pawns and flying monkeys, in the hope that we will give in and they can return to complete control of us and everyone else in the family.
The above is pretty much a given for anyone going up against a disordered family unit. Preparing for it can make a big difference. When we know what the fallout will look like, we can ready ourselves for it. Whether it’s an onslaught of angry chatter or radio silence, being mentally prepared for whatever may come our way will make the process somewhat easier. Mental strength is a big advantage when it comes to these types of situations. Keep aware of the dynamics, hold that head high, and stay the course.
Reminding ourselves that we are worthy of love, respect, and kindness can be helpful, too. Also, try to remember why we’re standing up to a system that causes hurt on an ongoing basis. Believe it or not, there will be better things on the other side of these situations. Peace is often waiting there, quite possibly for the first time in our lives, although it may initially feel uncomfortable and awkward. Eventually we will come to embrace peace and protect it at all costs.
So if you’re at the point, or in the middle of, standing up to a dysfunctional and toxic family system or relationship, be strong and be prepared for fallout. It won’t be easy, and you’ll likely, at some point in the process, question if it’s worth doing, but viewing it as taking steps to better days can be beneficial. You’ve got this!
Until next time,
Heather
~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Twitter
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