Tag: growth (Page 3 of 7)

Tactics used by Narcissists to control and/or silence others – Part 1

May 4, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Narcissists use a variety of tactics to get what they want, including control over or silencing others. Here are just a few of the main tactics together with ways to combat them.

Projection – Narcissists refuse to see their own shortcomings because it damages their already fragile egos. As a result, they will accuse others of their own traits and behaviours in order to displace these things from themselves. How to stay strong: Don’t project your good traits onto the narcissist (expecting them to be like you is dangerous and will be disappointing), and don’t accept their negative ones as your own.

Gaslighting – This is a technique used by narcissists to cause distortion and erosion of other people’s sense of reality. They will suggest that an event didn’t happen or that it was all a figment of someone’s imagination and so on. Eventually, people who are gaslighted regularly will begin to question themselves and their sanity. How to stay strong: Make a point of grounding yourself in your own reality. It helps to keep a journal or discuss things with friends or members of a support group.

Ridiculous Conversations – Narcissists love to argue and it often turns a conversation into complete and utter nonsense. At the root of it, these people are arguing with themselves, not you. How to stay strong: A good option is to cut the conversation short and walk away.

All or Nothing/Black and White Thinking and Generalizations – “You never do anything right”. “You always make me angry”. “That group of people are always a problem”. Narcissistically-inclined individuals make blanket statements and far-reaching generalizations about anyone and everyone. How to stay strong: Try not to engage. Walk away wherever possible.

Making Other People’s Thoughts and Feelings Appear Absurd to Invalidate Their Rights to Have Them – If a narcissist can make someone believe that their feelings and thoughts are crazy and absurd, they can eventually wear them down until they believe they aren’t deserving of those things. How to stay strong: Again, try to stay grounded in your own reality and recognize that your feelings and thoughts are relevant and important.

Triangulation – I have written previous posts on the subject of triangulation. Triangulation involves a narcissist who won’t deal directly with someone but instead brings in a third party to do their dirty work for them, thus forming a triangle. How to stay strong: If you feel you need to respond to a third party acting on behalf of a narcissist, try to keep it short and to the point. Historically, the less you engage, the better it will be for you.

Smear Campaigns, Stalking – I have also written posts on smear campaigns in the past. This is a situation in which a narcissist targets you by speaking ill of you as an alleged aggressor while making themselves appear to be the victim, and they will spew their lies to anyone who is willing to listen, including your partners, children, friends, coworkers, relatives and so on. The narcissist may also stalk you in-person or online in order to find information with which to begin new attacks against you. How to stay strong: Again, a less-is-better approach is typically beneficial. If people confront you about your supposed negative behaviour towards a narcissist, a short “There are two sides to every story” or “If you knew me, you would know better” or something similar can be helpful. Silence is another option. Eventually, most people figure out that the person who launched the smear campaign against you is a narcissist and not to be believed.

I will move on to Part 2 on this subject of manipulative tactics to silence people in a future post. In the meantime, I recommend that everyone be aware of these tactics so as to (hopefully) not fall prey to them. When we educate ourselves regarding narcissistic behaviour, we give ourselves the tools to recognize and stay safe from their disordered actions.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Choose the people in your life with care

April 24, 2021 / / 0 Comments

The bottom line when it comes to negative, unpleasant people is that you have no obligation to have them in your life. From romantic partners to family members to friends to coworkers and everyone in between, no one has an obligation to accept and endure toxic behaviour.

I’ve said this in past posts but it deserves repeating – focus on how you ‘feel’ when in the presence of a negative (potentially narcissistic) individual. How do you feel on every level (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual)? If being in the same room with someone makes you feel anxious, depressed, fearful, worried, bad about yourself (one or all of the above), it might be beneficial for you to assess your relationship with them.

Try spending time with other people whose very presence makes you feel peaceful, positive, cared for, etc. because they foster those environments and feelings, and you will notice the massive differences as compared to interacting with a toxic person. Life can be happier, more peaceful and rewarding when we interact with positive people.

What can we do if we can’t find new functional friends or spend time with these sorts of positive people right now, particularly because of COVID? It’s always a good thing to learn to be content and happy by yourself. Hobbies, activities you enjoy, relaxing … whatever it may be, you can be your own happy place. In the end, we are the only ones who can make ourselves truly happy. That isn’t something anyone else can do for us.

So, call that fun relative or friend, hang out in an online forum with others who have common interests, or spend some quality time on your own. But try to avoid believing that you have any responsibility or obligation to allow negative (especially narcissistic), unpleasant, hurtful people to be a part of your existence.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Being grounded and mindful despite a narcissist’s efforts to negatively affect you

April 20, 2021 / / 0 Comments

If you are currently in a situation where you have to endure interactions with a narcissist, here are a few ways to stay strong, balanced and uphold your boundaries:

  1. Do your best to avoid being drawn into their negativity. Using the ‘grey rock’ technique of being non-emotional, as boring as possible and generally rock-like can often deter a narcissist because they can’t get the reactions that they are hoping to.
  2. Walk away rather than being drawn into a cyclical argument or rant against you or someone meaningful in your life.
  3. Keep yourself grounded by taking a walk outside, talking to someone other than the narcissist, taking part in activities that keep your mind from wandering to the narcissistic nonsense, or anything else that works for you.
  4. Reminding yourself that you are dealing with someone whose main goal is to protect their fragile and highly sensitive ego at all costs. Recognizing that their issues are their own and that the behaviour they exhibit has nothing to do with you.
  5. If you so choose, begin making plans to go low or no contact with the narcissist. Just the thought of breaking free from a narcissistically-inclined person can often be enough to lift spirits and clear the mind.
  6. Self-care is incredibly important when regular interaction with a narcissist is necessary for whatever reason. Take a long bath, read a book, go for a walk in nature, watch something on Netflix, etc. Whatever you enjoy doing, do it. Taking care of yourself is especially beneficial when interacting with problematic people because it can help to keep your strength up on all levels.
  7. Mindfulness – bring your mind to the present moment, without judgment. See the narcissist’s behaviour for what it is (their issues), take a few deep breaths and go on with doing what you need to do.

When it comes to dealing with narcissists, learning the tools that work best for you to stay strong and not be drawn in is a great step to take for your own wellbeing and further developing coping strategies. If you would like a support system to help you with these strategies, contact us as set out below.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you decide to leave, there are resources available to assist and support you

April 17, 2021 / / 0 Comments

One of the most difficult situations I encountered after making the decision to leave my alcoholic and narcissistic spouse was finding my way out. We shared children, a home, vehicles and other assets, debts and several years of marriage. All of it felt incredibly overwhelming, and my fears and feelings ran the gamut from financial (many issues on this level, which left me feeling stuck) to emotional. The people in my life who knew about it at that time chose to ignore it – read that as my ‘narcissist of origin’ enjoyed watching me struggle. Others had no idea what I was dealing with because shame and fear kept me from disclosing the situation.

At a complete loss and feeling very fragile, I reached out to a local women’s shelter and thankfully found people willing to support me through the process of leaving an abusive partner. I was placed with an amazing social worker with the shelter who provided counselling without any fees (of note, CAMH is another organization that offers free-of-charge counselling – I spent a bit of time with them as well – and some private counselling services do have subsidized sessions based on income), helped me create a safe exit plan which could involve law enforcement if necessary, and made sure that every available resource was discussed. I can’t speak for all shelters but this particular one, whether you actually stayed there or just needed help from the outside, offered funds to pay for moving expenses (and help with the actual move) and initial rent and utility set-up bills as well as readying a home with some furnishings, groceries and other essential needs. If you require assistance and have no idea where to turn, don’t be afraid to contact a local shelter or other social service agency and ask what they might be able to help you with. There are so many people out there who are ready and willing to help.

I also attended a free legal resource centre in order to discuss with a lawyer my rights, obligations and creation of a separation agreement. In addition, a few months after leaving, I took the step to file the agreement, which had been signed by both my spouse and I in front of a witness, with the courts and then FRO (Financial Responsibility Office in Ontario) in order to ensure that child support payments would be made, which helped in the avoidance of struggles over it with my ex-spouse. Unfortunately, off the start, the child support was used as a tool to further abuse me both financially and emotionally. There were threats of it not being paid at all, or messages about delays in payment because his needs should come first, etc., which is why I took the step of filing the necessary documents and setting everything up with FRO. I refused to be further abused by or in regular contact with this person so I did my research and found yet another resource to facilitate my transition to freedom. Again, the resources are there but it’s often necessary to conduct research and then advocate for yourself to get where you need to be.

This is only a brief version of the steps I took in leaving. My goal in writing about it is to help with awareness that no one is alone when they choose to leave a narcissistic partner or family member. There are supportive resources available on many levels to aid individuals through the difficult transition of escaping from an abuser.

My advice is to not allow a lack of funds to hold you somewhere that you have chosen not to be. Reach out to friends, family, organizations – anyone you feel safe to discuss the situation with. They can help you and provide needed supports to move forward to a better, safer and more peaceful and healthy life.

Trust me – I know how grim and hopeless it feels when you have been abused by a narcissistic partner or family member, you have made the decision to end the relationship, and then you have no idea where to turn or what to do next. You’re likely already in a place of severe physical and mental exhaustion and possibly struggling with anxiety and depression as well as fear of retaliation, not to mention worrying about a major life change. Putting one foot in front of the other can feel like a significant challenge, let alone making plans and finding the means – financial, emotional, etc. – to leave and start over. My experience is that once I found support and began to feel an inkling of hope, momentum, strength and courage slowly but surely built up from there. Creating a safe plan of action and goals with my social worker gave me something to work towards. Even though I went though most of the initial part of the transition in somewhat of a fog and doing most of it on auto-pilot, I knew deep inside, despite my fears and apprehension, that a better life awaited my children and I. Turns out I was right. It didn’t happen overnight and the challenges obviously did not end immediately upon me leaving my spouse, but in time everything began to improve and my life changed in ways I had never imagined possible.

I created Natural Clarity Coaching to be an affordable support system, particularly for anyone dealing with narcissistic abuse and recovery, regardless of what stage of it they may be in. My fees are also on a sliding scale based on income (on the honor system – no need to divulge your financials). If you would like to know more, please don’t hesitate to contact me at na********************@***il.com. Initial consultations are free of charge, completely confidential and without any obligation. You don’t need to stay in an abusive situation because you believe there is nowhere to go, potentially a lack of funds to get you there, and no one to assist you, and it isn’t necessary to experience the processes of deciding to leave, leaving or recovery, without support. Reach out for whatever resources you need in order to get yourself to a better place and to further grow and thrive once you’re there.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Red flags and ultimate results of narcissistic abuse

April 15, 2021 / / 0 Comments

If you are/have been in a relationship with a narcissistically-inclined individual, here are some of the most common results:

  1. You believe that you can’t live without the other person. (codependence)
  2. The other person uses you as their scapegoat.
  3. You feel as though you are often under attack in a variety of ways (judged, criticized, devalued, made fun of, spoken to in a condescending fashion, made to feel like you’re a problem, told that you’re responsible for the other person’s feelings and issues, yelled at or spoken to in a harsh manner, etc.).
  4. You have regular feelings of anxiety, depression, worry and fearfulness.
  5. You don’t trust your judgments or abilities, and you begin to give up on yourself and view yourself as a failure.
  6. You no longer feel as though you have a voice.
  7. You feel as though you must somehow be deserving of the poor treatment.
  8. You fear being abandoned (trauma bonds).
  9. You lose touch with other people because this person has isolated you from them.
  10. You don’t feel like yourself anymore, which leaves you feeling lost and hopeless.
  11. The roller coaster ride of silent treatments and abusive behaviour mixed with love-bombing and ‘good days’ has you confused and disoriented.
  12. You feel as though you are always ‘running on empty’; physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually exhausted (sometimes financially as well).
  13. You may develop complex PTSD (C-PTSD).

This is by no means an exhaustive list but it definitely includes some of the more common items experienced by those in a relationship with a narcissist, be it romantic, family, work, etc.

If you find yourself regularly experiencing these types of symptoms in relation to someone in your life, it would be beneficial to view them as red flags. Regardless of what someone may try to tell you to explain everything away or blame it on you, no one deserves to be treated with abuse and disrespect. If someone’s treatment and attitude towards you makes you feel badly about yourself or ‘less than’, the situation needs your attention and action. It may seem simpler to maintain the status quo and give the person the benefit of the doubt that they’re just ‘having a bad day’ or ‘didn’t mean it that way’, but it isn’t worth the price you will pay for this narcissistic treatment as time goes by. Narcissistic abuse is insidious. It creeps in and gradually breaks you down. Narcissists tend to prey on kind, forgiving and non-confrontational people, and they count on those traits to allow them to continue their abusive ways. By the time you really begin to notice the negative effects, you will already have been impacted, sometimes quite deeply, in a variety of ways.

Many of us, after the fact, wish that we had listened to our intuition and heeded the red flags that we noticed early on, rather than sweeping it all under the rug and trudging forward, allowing the acceptance of abuse as a way of life until it just feels ‘normal’. Trust your gut; it will set off alarm bells but you need to be willing to listen and believe it. Trust what you have noticed in someone and within your relationship. If something seems off, there’s a good chance that it is off. Take the time you need to assess a situation but don’t be afraid to walk away from it at any point. You have the right to your own choices and you owe it to yourself to do whatever is in your best interests. Forget about what anyone else thinks. Trust yourself. You are strong enough to make things work, no matter what happens. If you can avoid a narcissistic abuse situation, it’s so much preferred to anxiety, depression, C-PTSD, etc., and the years of therapy/coaching, self-help and soul-searching that will be needed after having gone through it.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Flying Monkeys – They can behave just as abusively as a narcissist

April 8, 2021 / / 0 Comments

You may have heard the term “flying monkeys”. Just who is this referring to? Flying monkeys refers to people who act on behalf of a narcissist against a third party, often in an abusive manner. The term originated with regard to the actual winged monkeys in ‘The Wizard of Oz’ movie, who were ordered to do the unpleasant bidding of the wicked witch, because she had cast a spell on them, against Dorothy and her friends.

Narcissists almost always have people ‘in their corner’. They spin wild stories about how they’ve been victimized, they outright lie to turn people against someone that has angered them or damaged their fragile ego, and then they often create a situation where someone (flying monkey/enabler) feels that they need to defend and join forces with the narcissist against the alleged victimizer (who is typically the actual victim). Now, I have also observed flying monkeys carry out abusive actions against someone that the narcissist dislikes simply because it temporarily quiets the narcissist and makes the life of the flying monkey less irritating for a time. It isn’t always about defending and protecting the narcissistic individual. Sometimes it’s just about shutting them up and taking the heat off the flying monkey in that moment.

When flying monkeys are prompted to be abusive towards a narcissist’s target, it can be equally as (or sometimes more) damaging as the narcissist’s abuse. Flying monkeys can be family members, friends, co-workers – people that are important to us. So it’s quite shocking and painful to be attacked by a loved one or someone who is close to us.

Depending upon the flying monkey’s relationship with the narcissist (and let’s assume that many of these people have no idea what a narcissist is, let alone that they’re caught up with one), many have their eyes opened to the reality of narcissism when the narcissist turns on them, or after they have been a part of more than one attack on others on the narcissist’s behalf and begin to question the situation. When it comes to the spouse/partner of a narcissist (again, they may have no idea that they’re involved with a narcissistic individual or know anything about narcissism), it’s more complicated. This individual is caught between a rock and a hard place. If they don’t join forces with their narcissistic partner/spouse against the target(s), they themselves risk becoming the target, being made miserable on the daily and possibly eroding their relationship with the narcissist (which can be upsetting, depending upon how much or how little they are aware of the dysfunctional dynamics). In the event that they choose to act against someone on behalf of the narcissist, particularly a family member, they will undoubtedly damage their relationship with that individual. It’s a no-win situation for a flying monkey within a family environment that includes a narcissistic partner.

Any of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse with the help of a flying monkey know all too well how hurtful it can be. My advice is to look at the big picture of where this all comes from. When you take a step back, the inner workings of this disordered system become very clear. If you can picture, within the family system, the flying monkey as stuck between a rock (their narcissist spouse/partner) and a hard place (the narcissist’s target, often the scapegoat child), it can make it much easier to process and understand. In other non-family situations, flying monkeys are generally oblivious to what is happening at the start. They have been manipulated into believing that the narcissist (a friend, co-worker, neighbour, etc.), who they may feel is a sweet, kind and wonderful person because of the fake persona the narcissist has shown them, is being victimized and they feel the need to defend them. At some point, they will likely see the light. In the meantime, it helps to recognize that these people are unaware of the truth of what is at play yet. Narcissists are good at hiding who they are when it suits their interests. There’s a pretty good chance that the flying monkey(s) that came after you will be on the receiving end of the very same narcissist’s wrath and new flying monkeys some day, too, and then it will all become abundantly clear to them.

When dealing with flying monkeys, try to keep in mind that they are often having the wool pulled over their eyes by the narcissist. They are being used and manipulated in the narcissist’s crusades against others; puppets being controlled by someone whose main goal in life is to protect their fragile ego at any and all costs. This isn’t to say that their ignorance excuses them from their actions against others at the urging of a narcissist; but when processing the damage that flying monkeys can do, it helps to understand where it all originates from.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Live your Life for You (it really can make a difference)

March 15, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Something I think many of us have noticed in life is that it can be human nature to feel concerned about what other people think, from the smallest to the most important of things. Often, we put what other people think, particularly what they think of us, ahead of our own thoughts and feelings.

Recently, I posted about the fact that no matter what we do, we have zero control over the opinions that others hold of us. It’s a waste of time and energy to struggle against this, especially when it comes to close-minded individuals who generally enjoy thinking the worst of others because it often makes them feel better about themselves.

Another negative side of worrying about people’s opinions of us is that we risk missing out on new and possibly special or limited time experiences, either on our own or with our friends and loved ones. We may avoid doing or saying something out of fear of ridicule, disapproval or a desire to ensure that a given perception of us is conveyed.

In my view, we need to live our lives for ourselves. We are given our time on this earth to enjoy the gift of being alive, to grow as individuals, to experience joy, peace and happiness, to form bonds with others (human, animal), to learn to love and accept ourselves, and so on.

So, the next time you want to do something – new or old (and, obviously, legal!) – but your mind fills with questions about what people might think or say, consider pushing through those negative, worried thoughts and replacing them with positivity and enthusiasm. At the end of the day, not doing what matters to you out of fear of what goes on in the minds of others, will quite possibly leave you with regret and disappointment.

Enjoy your life. Do what makes you happy. Follow through on those experiences that feel important and carry them out as though no one is ever watching. Don’t worry about what other people think or say about you. Be yourself. If you’re really struggling, try thinking like a cat; cats don’t appear to care what anyone thinks of them! Trust me – you will reap the rewards from letting go of the negative and focusing on thriving and being happy.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Self-Care Series – No. 3 – Exercise

March 12, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Exercise is an important part of self-care. It can be anything from stretching routines to walks to running to biking to hiking to working out with weights to swimming to skiing to skateboarding and the list goes on. Many forms of exercise don’t cost a dime to engage in.

When you add in exercise that takes place outside, it brings the element of nature to the situation. Depending upon where you are, nature often involves beautiful sights, fresh air, quiet and so on. It can help you to feel more calm and peaceful while your body experiences the many benefits of physical activity.

Sometimes the last thing we feel like doing or believe we have time for is exercise. I have often felt that way. But the truth is that after exercising, I have never once regretted doing so. In fact, I usually feel rejuvenated and energized.

Exercise can be whatever you want it to be and scheduled so that it easily fits into your life. It has a multitude of mental and physical benefits, and there are many options that come with no cost.

If you haven’t already, consider adding exercise into your life at whatever level you feel comfortable. Once you push through finding excuses not to do it, it gets easier and more enjoyable every time you engage in physical activity.

Here is a book and corresponding link to it that could be helpful if you’re interested in delving deeper into this area of self-care:

https://amzn.to/417l4IW

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Don’t expect lasting, authentic, positive change from a narcissist

March 10, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Narcissists rarely change; not in any authentic way. If they appear to have done so, it’s likely to not be genuine or long-term and is just being used as a tactic to manipulate someone or obtain something. Of the many narcissistically-inclined individuals I’ve known, the stories I’ve heard over the years, the articles I’ve read, the training/education I’ve had on this personality type – they simply don’t tend to change. I won’t say ‘never’ because, well, there could be that rare person who beats the odds. Stranger things have happened. In my experience, though, I’ve yet to see a narcissist change, particularly for the better. In times where I’ve cut a toxic, narcissistic individual out of my life and then heard something about them years later, they’re still doing exactly the same things to their targets. Same cycle over and over and over again, just with different pawns playing in their toxic game.

I’ve had conversations with a narcissist who, on multiple occasions, promised not to do/say something that was emotionally hurting a loved one and then, literally five minutes later, did it again, right in front of me. The need for extreme ego protection and stroking keeps narcissists locked into their behaviour. And because they lack empathy, not even the continued pain they typically create for others will cause them to alter their ways. They convince themselves that the hurt they create is justified and, many times, build up scenarios in which they’re not only hurting people but also making it seem as though those very people have actually been hurting them.

So, if you’re in a relationship of any kind with a narcissist, it’s not advisable to get your hopes up that they will ever change for the better in any lasting way. It doesn’t usually happen with this type of disordered individual. You can try to explain decent and honest behaviour to them until you’re blue in the face; you can drag them to counselling with you; you can attempt to convey your perspective ten times over in the hopes that maybe they’ll finally listen to you but the fact remains that a narcissist is a narcissist is a narcissist. The chances of them ‘getting it’, accepting it and wanting to do something about it are slim to nil.

One of the best things any of us can do when we have a narcissist in our lives is to go no contact or low contact with them. Family, romantic partner, friend, co-worker – whoever it may be, we need to protect ourselves. Waiting around for them to change just causes more damage and wastes our time; time that we could be spending doing something we enjoy either on our own or with emotionally healthy people instead. Narcissists exist in an infinite, inauthentic, dysfunctional loop and, in general, have zero interest in putting an end to it. If we refuse to get caught up in that loop with them, we’re doing ourselves a huge favor.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

It’s possible to steer clear of the narcissist’s storm

March 9, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Narcissists – they’re a dramatic bunch. Their antics often blow in like a storm. Most of what they do involves attention-seeking tactics, gossiping as though it’s their life’s mission, and over-the-top scenes to convey their false victimhood to anyone willing to listen. It’s all one big show to protect and feed their fragile egos.

In virtually all cases, narcissistic behaviour involves blaming someone else for either something they actually did or potentially for an event that is completely fictional. This allows the narcissist to shift responsibility and accountability away from themselves (or, in the case of a fictional event, create drama because they thoroughly enjoy it) while making a show of putting someone else down (which makes them feel ‘more than’) and usually creating a victim story for themselves in the process. It’s a triple-whammy against whoever their target happens to be. Not only are they accusing you of wrongdoing and berating your character for it, but they may also be adding in some false injustice that you carried out against them in the process.

My advice is to not take any of it personally. This has nothing to do with anyone but the narcissist. They may be looking for attention because they are in need of an ego boost, seeking out drama because they’re bored, trying to escape accountability, etc. You’re just a pawn in their game. Simply refuse to play.

If the narcissist’s newest ploy (bringing other people into it while putting you on the hotseat, for example) causes issues that need to be resolved, face it head-on and try to leave emotion out of it. State the facts, don’t engage with the narcissist and then move forward. Stay calm and don’t get drawn into their storm. A narcissist will bog you down in arguments and pointless details for days or more if you allow it. They thrive on drama and conflict. The best thing you can do to protect yourself is to give the situation the minimum amount of energy possible (if it’s something that even needs to be dealt with; much of what narcissists do is quite ignorable) in a business-like way and then be done with all of it. This will hopefully shut it all down and also make the narcissist less likely to target you in the future. When they realize that someone has seen through them and their ongoing trouble-making, they will typically discard that person eventually and replace them with someone who doesn’t yet ‘have their number’. Quite honestly, having a narcissistic personality must be a hellish way to go through life – so much of their energy goes into ego-stroking. It can be helpful to view a narcissist through that lens because it allows you to see that almost everything they do revolves around themselves and their fragile, overly sensitive egos. That, quite honestly, is pitiful, and awareness of it is a major key in dealing with narcissists.

To sum it up, I always recommend reacting to narcissistic behaviour as briefly as possible and attempting to keep it emotionless. They prey on our emotions so do your best to leave those out of it. Once you’ve said or done whatever is necessary to prevent or repair issues created by the narcissist’s latest manipulation, leave it be. Take away any energy or emotion so that there isn’t anything for them to feed on. This requires practice but it’s completely achievable in time. And, best of all, it works.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

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