Tag: wellbeing (Page 3 of 4)

It’s possible to steer clear of the narcissist’s storm

March 9, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Narcissists – they’re a dramatic bunch. Their antics often blow in like a storm. Most of what they do involves attention-seeking tactics, gossiping as though it’s their life’s mission, and over-the-top scenes to convey their false victimhood to anyone willing to listen. It’s all one big show to protect and feed their fragile egos.

In virtually all cases, narcissistic behaviour involves blaming someone else for either something they actually did or potentially for an event that is completely fictional. This allows the narcissist to shift responsibility and accountability away from themselves (or, in the case of a fictional event, create drama because they thoroughly enjoy it) while making a show of putting someone else down (which makes them feel ‘more than’) and usually creating a victim story for themselves in the process. It’s a triple-whammy against whoever their target happens to be. Not only are they accusing you of wrongdoing and berating your character for it, but they may also be adding in some false injustice that you carried out against them in the process.

My advice is to not take any of it personally. This has nothing to do with anyone but the narcissist. They may be looking for attention because they are in need of an ego boost, seeking out drama because they’re bored, trying to escape accountability, etc. You’re just a pawn in their game. Simply refuse to play.

If the narcissist’s newest ploy (bringing other people into it while putting you on the hotseat, for example) causes issues that need to be resolved, face it head-on and try to leave emotion out of it. State the facts, don’t engage with the narcissist and then move forward. Stay calm and don’t get drawn into their storm. A narcissist will bog you down in arguments and pointless details for days or more if you allow it. They thrive on drama and conflict. The best thing you can do to protect yourself is to give the situation the minimum amount of energy possible (if it’s something that even needs to be dealt with; much of what narcissists do is quite ignorable) in a business-like way and then be done with all of it. This will hopefully shut it all down and also make the narcissist less likely to target you in the future. When they realize that someone has seen through them and their ongoing trouble-making, they will typically discard that person eventually and replace them with someone who doesn’t yet ‘have their number’. Quite honestly, having a narcissistic personality must be a hellish way to go through life – so much of their energy goes into ego-stroking. It can be helpful to view a narcissist through that lens because it allows you to see that almost everything they do revolves around themselves and their fragile, overly sensitive egos. That, quite honestly, is pitiful, and awareness of it is a major key in dealing with narcissists.

To sum it up, I always recommend reacting to narcissistic behaviour as briefly as possible and attempting to keep it emotionless. They prey on our emotions so do your best to leave those out of it. Once you’ve said or done whatever is necessary to prevent or repair issues created by the narcissist’s latest manipulation, leave it be. Take away any energy or emotion so that there isn’t anything for them to feed on. This requires practice but it’s completely achievable in time. And, best of all, it works.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

What other people think of you is none of your business; an important key for living a happier life

March 7, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Here’s the lowdown on many people – they will believe whatever suits them about a particular situation/person. Whether their conclusion is accurate or not, their existing belief system, need to ‘follow the crowd’, low self-esteem or a whole host of other factors, will shape their perception and judgment of whatever information is in front of them.

If you happen to have been the subject of a conversation that you are made privy to afterwards and you appear to have come out looking like the ‘bad guy’, you could spend all day, every day attempting to convince certain individuals of your innocence, etc. But the fact remains that no matter how much energy you put into justifying and defending yourself, they will still believe whatever they want to believe about you. We can only control our own thoughts and actions. There is absolutely nothing any of us can do when it comes to what someone else chooses to believe about us, true or otherwise.

When narcissists are involved, the situation can be even more challenging. If a narcissistic individual has targeted you and started a smear campaign against you to other people, this can be a difficult enough situation to cope with. Add in the high possibility that the narcissist will be portraying themselves as a victim as well, and you will typically be looking at a heaping pot bubbling over with gossip, untruths and judgment.

I’ll admit it – this 110% used to bother me. It was a driving force in my life for years upon years. I felt as though I needed to justify my words/actions and defend my character and reputation to all who may have been manipulated by the person in question (most often a narcissistically-inclined individual) into believing that I was (fill in the blank). Those situations caused me endless worry, sleepless nights and a ton of stress and anxiety. I naively believed that if I was given an opportunity to plead my case, people would miraculously recognize that they had been given false and misleading information and they would instantly “see the truth” and change their erroneous beliefs about me. It definitely doesn’t work that way with most people. We all have our own perceptions, belief systems and moral code that we live by and it’s rare for any two people to share the exact same ones.

For me, the big a-ha moment came when a situation took place several years ago involving a person I absolutely adored, someone I thought should have known me better than to believe the tall tales of a narcissist. And yet, they did just that. They believed the narcissist and then destroyed our relationship over it. It was as though a light bulb went on in my mind. I realized then and there that no matter what I did or said or shouted from the rooftops, people will believe what they choose to believe, regardless of whether it is accurate or not. When a narcissist is at play as well, gleefully adding to the character assassination with their distorted stories of rewritten history and claims of being victimized, everything becomes just that much more intense.

I have to say, even though the situation that brought me to this awareness caused extreme emotional distress at the time, it also removed a huge weight. This person who I thought knew my character well enough to see through untruths about me had chosen instead to accept them. I had known this person my entire life and thought I could always trust them to have my back. But, regardless of their reasons for choosing to believe narcissistic tales, it had become instantly clear to me that there was absolutely nothing I could say or do to change what this person believed about me. And if this person who was a close part of my life could make that choice after years of knowing me and completely ignore the fact that I wasn’t capable of the lies being told about me, then those who didn’t know me well or at all undoubtedly could and would do the same, and there wasn’t a thing that would change that. Suddenly, what others thought of me, whether they believed outright lies about me, whether they heard my perspective or judged me in ways that didn’t fit with my character – it no longer mattered to me or controlled me in any way. It was an emotional and empowering moment in my life. That self-imposed burden of caring what other people thought of me or of anything or anyone else, for that matter, or naively thinking that the truth would always prevail, was instantly removed and tossed away, never to return.

The truth is that, without a doubt, most people (those who don’t have your back, I mean) will believe what they want to believe about you, even if it’s some nonsense imparted to them by a narcissist with a vendetta against you. Whether those beliefs are good or bad, accurate or inaccurate, there is absolutely nothing we can do to change someone else’s beliefs. Setting ourselves free from the shackles of outside opinions is an incredible gift. Recognizing that regardless of what we say or do, others will believe what they choose to believe, can make an enormous difference in the quality of our lives. We have the ability to set ourselves free from these confines and to go forward each day knowing that we do not need to be slaves to what anyone else thinks, feels or believes about us.

You know your character and exactly who you are. Go out into the world with your head held high. Life goes on for you regardless of what other people are thinking of you or anything else. And if you find yourself struggling with it some days, just remember this saying – “What other people think of you is none of your business”.

Here’s an idea and corresponding link for a journal to keep track of your thoughts and experiences while on your journey:

https://amzn.to/3RDW3SV

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

*Disclaimer – I may earn a small commission if you click on the above link and purchase the product.*

Trust your Gut (Intuition)

March 6, 2021 / / 0 Comments

The definition of intuition is “the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning”.

Intuition is a tool that is always in our toolbox. The trick is to allow it to do its job by consistently listening to it and trusting in the process.

When we have narcissists in our lives, they will often convince us to listen to them rather than following our own instincts and wisdom when it comes to our life decisions. Without a doubt, this will ultimately create issues for us.

By following our intuition, in concert with using our knowledge and common sense, we tend to derive positive and beneficial outcomes. This all boils down to trusting ourselves to make good decisions. Have faith in yourself that you have the ability to manage your life. It’s never a good idea to hand over that power to anyone, especially a narcissist.

Let your intuition freely flow, listen to and trust in it, and then trust yourself to do what is best with the information available to you. Believe and trust in yourself to know what is best for you.

If you would like to delve further into the world of intuition, here is a book suggestion and link:

https://amzn.to/3Nf3zAG

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

*Disclaimer: I may receive a small commission if you click on the above link and purchase the product. *

My “Why” as a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach

March 5, 2021 / / 0 Comments

I think it’s natural to sometimes wonder what brings a person to a certain career choice. For anyone who might be curious as to why I write the posts contained on my website, offer recovery support services, and how it all came about, my answer is a fairly simple one:

I have experienced a great deal of narcissistic abuse over the course of my life and within a variety of relationships. It negatively impacted quite heavily on all areas of my existence over the years. When the “a-ha” moment arrived in the form of awareness of narcissistic abuse and its dynamics, my recovery began.

Since that point in time, I have made a commitment to helping others find their way on the path to recovery from narcissistic abuse. Off the start, I felt completely alone with this new realization (which is one of the many reasons that I believe the support system I offer to be so incredibly important). I wasn’t sure who to turn to or what to do next. In time, I engaged in extensive therapy, read every book on the subject of narcissism, abuse and related issues that I could get my hands on, took and continue to take courses on a variety of topics not only to further my understanding of recovery and ongoing self-care but to better help others, severely limited my interaction with narcissistic individuals and focused on finding myself after years of being controlled, manipulated and told who I needed to be. It has, as a result, become my mission to inform, assist and support anyone who is in search of recovery from narcissistic abuse. This all comes from a place of lived experience, empathy, knowledge and the strong belief that no one should have to endure suffering and sustain personal damage as a direct result of the behaviour of disordered individuals such as narcissists.

So, in simple terms, that’s my ‘why’. If you would like to know more about the recovery support and other services that I offer, please feel free to drop me an e-mail at na********************@***il.com. I will get back to you within 24 hours. There is also a wide selection of ever-growing posts to be found on my website.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Self-Care Series – No. 2 – Acupuncture and Acupressure

February 28, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Continuing on with the short self-care series, our focus should always be on caring for ourselves to ensure that we are strong and as healthy as possible on all levels. Dealing with narcissists is usually a draining experience and it’s easy to lose ourselves in all of the drama and exhaustion from it.

So … acupuncture and acupressure. Both are based on promoting wellness and relaxation as well as treating disease. Acupuncture involves a practitioner stimulating certain points in the body, most often inserting thin needles through the skin. It has been found to be beneficial for some individuals with conditions such as low back pain, neck pain, osteoarthritis/knee pain, headaches/migraines and other conditions. I found acupuncture extremely helpful for pain with a herniated disc in my lower back many years ago.

Acupressure uses pressure to stimulate points on the body in an effort to clear blockages within a targeted area. Hands, elbows and other tools are used for this activity, and it can be performed by a practitioner or by oneself.

While living with a narcissistic individual, I often had headaches or migraines brought on by stress. Acupressure and acupuncture are both great options for relieving stress, improving relaxation and allowing the body to heal itself. One such acupressure exercise for potential headache/migraine relief is as follows: Using the thumb of one hand, press the webbing between the thumb and index finger of your other hand. Try to angle the pressure toward the bone that connects the index finger and hold for one minute. Then do the same for your other hand. I recently purchased this book, “Acupressure’s Potent Points A Guide to Self-Care for Common Ailments” by Michael Reed Gach. So far, I have found it to be quite a useful resource. Here is the link for this book:

https://amzn.to/3RvaEQ8

I quite possibly sound like a broken record, but self-care is so extraordinarily important. I can’t emphasize enough just how crucial it is, particularly when dealing with narcissistic abuse. Do what you can to keep yourself strong. It’s easier to maintain strength and wellness than it is to start from scratch. Narcissists often try to convince us that we aren’t important and therefore there’s no point in taking care of ourselves. Don’t buy into that philosophy because it is 110% incorrect. We do matter and we are worth it.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

*Disclaimer: I may receive a small commission if you click on the above link and purchase the product.*

Self-Care Series – No. 1 – Massage Therapy

February 25, 2021 / / 0 Comments

As I have mentioned in many previous posts, self-care is a major and integral component of health and wellness, particularly during or after narcissistic abuse. I will be posting on various ways to implement self-care in a short series.

Today, the self-care topic is massage therapy. Whether you attend with a massage therapist, utilize massage tools or simply use your own hands, massage therapy can bring with it relief for muscle discomfort and tension, regardless of its origins. In the case of dealing with narcissists and their abusive behaviour, mental stress easily converts into physical discomfort in our muscles and other areas of the body. This can then create a cycle of abuse – stress – physical discomfort – lack of sleep from discomfort – mood and concentration issues from discomfort and fatigue – etc.

A massage therapist can assist greatly with helping us to achieve relief from muscle issues. We can also use our hands to manipulate a knot, sore spot or trigger point in the neck, shoulders, back or anywhere on the body that we can reach. There are also many devices available for at-home use. This is one that I use myself (purchased from Amazon – click on link below for further information):

https://amzn.to/481hsKN

This model is a shiatsu back and neck massager with optional heat. It does an amazing job of loosening tight, sore muscles (just be sure to read the manual prior to use). I’m always impressed with how quickly my mental state improves once I achieve full or partial relief from pain and discomfort on a physical level. And I like the fact that I can do this whenever I need to because it’s a DIY type of self-care.

Our bodies, minds, emotions and spirits are intricately connected. It’s important to take care of ourselves because this will help to carry us through whatever comes our way in life. As I’ve mentioned in past posts, it is especially integral to stay strong while in a relationship with a narcissist, if you are thinking of leaving a narcissist, if you are in the process of leaving a narcissist, or after leaving a narcissist. And, as always, support systems are another incredibly important facet of journeying through difficult and challenging experiences.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

*Disclaimer: I may receive a small commission if you click on the link in the post and purchase the item.*

Hang in there! You’ve got this! (Leaving a narcissist)

February 18, 2021 / / 0 Comments

To anyone who is contemplating leaving a narcissist or in the process of doing so, just hang in there. You’ve got this … you can do it. Whether this is a family member, friend, romantic partner, etc., you can and will get to a better place.

There’s no doubt that it’s incredibly challenging to arrive at the decision to leave behind a narcissist, let alone actually leaving, but there is so much more for you on the other side of this situation.

Believe in yourself and your future. Everyone deserves respect, particularly from loved ones. If you aren’t getting that, then you need to consider moving on. Yes, it can be tough to imagine your life without this person, and, no, it isn’t easy to make huge life changes. But they are very much worth it. And when you look back, you will wonder why you didn’t make the changes sooner.

Narcissists rarely change. Trying to make them see that they should behave decently is typically a waste of energy (and also something you really shouldn’t need to explain to anyone). And while you’re working on convincing them, they are continuing to manipulate, undermine, sabotage and damage you further while wasting more of your time in the process. In the end, moving on inevitably brings on new opportunities, personal growth, and so much more.

During the decision-making and/or leaving process (wherever you may be right now), keep self-care at the forefront. You need to be strong on every level in order to move forward. If you make self-care a priority, you will benefit from it more than you can likely imagine right now. And find support in people you trust. That includes not only family and/or friends but also social workers, psychologists, coaches or any other resource that you can locate to help you get through this.

Just know that there are multitudes of narcissistic abuse survivors out there rooting for you and every other person trying to move beyond a narcissist in their life. Picture yourself in a better time and place and then put one foot in front of the other to start the journey. Your feet may feel like lead and your mind may be spinning, leaving you confused and muddled. That’s normal under these circumstances. But know that you can do it and you will thank yourself for it some day when peace, happiness and clarity become daily happenings.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

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