Both separation and divorce are difficult experiences. This can be particularly true when dealing with a toxic person. Narcissists are often the main cause of many relationship breakdowns, although you’d never hear them taking ownership of their part in it. And they can make it more challenging when children are involved.
We may find ourselves questioning how we ended up with a narcissist or other toxic person in the first place. In some cases, if we have toxic role models in our lives, they have likely taught us a very skewed version of love. In actuality, it isn’t love, but as children, we have no way of knowing that. If we call a spade a spade, it’s control, manipulation, and abuse masquerading as what we’re expected to accept as “love”. For others, it may be that we grew up in a loving, functional, and healthy family but we meet a person who does a good job of pretending to be someone they’re not, until they get us where they want us. That place may be marriage, shared debt, children, or a multitude of other things that bind us to them and make it harder for us to walk away.
Regardless of how we’ve ended up with toxic people, if we eventually find our way to the point of leaving, we can use all the support we can get. Unfortunately, when our family of origin is dysfunctional, we’re unlikely to receive any authentic support from them. In fact, they may even make the whole situation feel even worse. For many, it’s also common to have feelings of embarrassment or shame coming into the picture, so they don’t want to turn to anyone, even healthy family and friends.
If you’re going through separation or divorce, or in the phases leading to it, reach out for support. When you are fortunate to have loving people in your life, consider talking to them about your situation. You might be surprised just how much it can help to have people behind you who understand what you’re going through. And, honestly, there’s no shame or reason to be embarrassed about leaving an unhealthy relationship. We all have our limits, and only we can decide when it’s time to close a chapter in our lives. But we don’t need to be martyrs and hang on, especially if it’s to avoid judgment by others. Let people judge. That’s their problem, not ours.
And when we don’t have anyone we feel we can to turn to on a personal level, it may be time to seek out other resources. This could be online or in-person support groups, counselling or coaching, or reading or watching videos about the various parts of relationship breakdown and how to cope. As a side note, find legal resources to protect yourself on that front as well. If you can’t afford a lawyer, search for resources that can be of assistance. Find that light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me, it’s there.
With coaching, there is someone available to hear you, to help guide you towards a new chapter with courage andempowerment, and to assist you in taking a deep dive into what you want your future to look like, no matter where you’re at in life. Check in with this website often, as there will be new online programs being released in the upcoming months that you might find helpful.
Just know, it does get better. We grow through what we go through. Even though these situations can make us feel weak and lost, we typically come out of them feeling stronger and more focused.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Twitter
It’s quite the grand cover-up that narcissists create for themselves at the expense of others. So, when it looks like they have everything locked up and have left us no way out, how do we escape it? The biggest step is awareness. Just being conscious of how this disordered system works is more than half the battle. Beyond that, we have numerous options. We can go low- or no-contact with the abusive individual and their enablers. This can be challenging, whether it’s within a workplace, family, or other type of relationship. It may mean taking steps that are outside of our comfort zone. But we are never trapped unless we allow ourselves to believe that we are. There are paths out of the lair. We just need to see them and be willing to take the steps. That may mean walking away from or creating strong boundaries within family or relationships, asking for shift or department changes at work, or maybe even finding a new job with a healthy environment.
