“Do as I say, not as I do”. This is a mainstay of toxic people, particularly narcissists. Most adult children of narcissists will likely have plenty of experience with this occurrence. For example, I grew up being force-fed the virtues of always being honest to a fault, to the point where I became a nervous wreck that I might some day be misunderstood by someone and accused of being dishonest. It used to feel as though the core of who I was would melt away if that ever happened. And that was because of the extreme pressure and scrutiny I was placed under to ensure that I carefully considered each and every single word I ever uttered. Ironically, the very “holier-than-thou” person who relentlessly pushed honesty on me and pretended to tell the truth at all costs, turned out to be incredibly dishonest. I just didn’t realize it when I was younger because they touted themselves as a pinnacle of all things truthful, and questioning or disbelief never failed to bring with them harsh consequences for me.
So how do we uncover hypocrites? If something feels not quite right…if your intuition is chattering at you…if you’re catching someone in inconsistencies between their expectations of the world around them, while engaging in behaviour themselves that they have made clear that they don’t condone – question it. Literally, question it. You don’t necessarily have to confront the person immediately or at all, but, instead, you can run through everything logically in your mind, journal it, or talk with a trusted friend or family member about it. Leave out any ideals you have about the individual. Put aside emotion. Just look at the facts. And if they don’t add up, proceed with caution when it comes to your relationship with them. As the saying goes, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them”. Don’t make excuses for them, and take it as a serious warning. If the evidence amounts to someone who can’t be trusted to live their own life at the same level they seem to expect and, often, demand from others, then keep that in mind in future interactions with this person. Why? Because the likelihood of being damaged by someone who displays hypocritical behaviour is quite high. And we all have the right to protect ourselves from harm of any kind.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Twitter
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