Tag: life coach (Page 8 of 17)
In this age of technology, we have the ability to instantly find information on virtually anything and anyone. Although we need to exercise discretion in what we choose to believe of what we see and read online, there’s no doubt that there are all kinds of self-help resources to be found with a simple search.
So, have you checked out the new, free course that is available here at Natural Clarity Coaching? On the main page, open the menu (three white lines below the header) and select ‘Free Mini-Courses’. The current freebie is about the basics of narcissistic personality disorder, and there are more to come on a variety of topics.
How about the new course under the ‘Shop Online Courses’ tab? That one’s on intuition and red flag awareness. It’s $19.99 (U.S.) but I feel a sale coming on! And there are more courses coming in the near future.
What I can tell you about the courses at Natural Clarity Coaching is that they are created with a backing of not only personal experience and ongoing post-secondary education in psychology and trauma, but with genuine empathy and a desire to help others in difficult times. And the focus of these courses isn’t “what’s wrong with this person who hurt me” (although this is touched on for understanding of the topic), but, rather, a roadmap that moves from learning to healing, growing, and thriving.
That’s all for now! If you check out any of the courses, enjoy! And check back often because there’s plenty more to come. Oh, and these blogs are always available 24/7!!
Until next time,
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching
www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com
Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and TikTok
*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours
This free mini-course touches on the basics of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Optimal viewing is full screen (button in bottom right-hand corner of slideshow below).
Click on each slide to move to the next or use left-right arrow keys . Use ‘escape’ to leave the full screen mode.
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching
If you’re interested, here’s a link to a book on the subject of narcissistic personality disorder: https://amzn.to/3PbfsJq
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn
*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours *
Hello, all.
I wanted to do a self-care feature and touch a bit on how to de-stress in the comfort of your own home. There are some affordable and quality products that are available out there. We can all use some relaxation and stress relief that is easy to access. These self-care suggestions are all less than $25.00 each. I am not affiliated with any of these brands, but they are products I have purchased for myself or my family. Enjoy!
First of all, I would highly recommend:
This neck stretcher is easy to use and doesn’t take long to make a difference. It helps with a sore neck quite quickly. You can find it here on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3JrDr3I. Just copy and paste the URL into your browser and hit ‘enter’! ($24.99 CDN plus a coupon for $2.00 CDN off)
Another great idea is:
Lavender Epsom Salt. I prefer Dr. Teal’s brand, but pretty much any option will work for a calming soak. Here’s the URL for your browser – https://amzn.to/3Jpz4X6. ($8.98 CDN)
Now, this next one claims to be anti-aging. I don’t know about that! But I do know that the feel of smooth and cool jade on the skin is incredibly relaxing. It can also help with lymph drainage, which is always beneficial. This is the paste-able link: https://amzn.to/44fT8Dj. Currently on special for $21.20 CDN.
Lastly, these hand-held massagers can promote much-needed relaxation. Here’s the URL: https://amzn.to/44fT8Dj. $9.97 CDN.
It’s very possible to bring relaxation to ourselves in our own homes if we choose. And self-care can make a huge difference in our day-to-day lives. Don’t forget to prioritize yourself at least once a day!
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and Twitter
(Always check with a healthcare provider at your discretion before using any new health and wellness products)
(If you use the URL’s listed in the above post, I will receive a small compensation for referring you to Amazon)
Hello All,
Thanks for being here. 🙂
RAIN is an acronym for a healing, meditative system for mindfulness and compassion regarding behaviours and thoughts that might be rooted in fear or other feelings. It stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture. This is especially beneficial for those who are survivors of narcissistic abuse or other dysfunctional relationships because it is a gentle process that can be carried out alone and at any choice of pace.
The way it works is simple. We may at some point become aware, to whatever degree, of patterns of behaviour and thoughts that we are engaging in. There could be a catalyst that brings us to this awareness. Maybe we just had a massive blow-up with our partner or a friend. Maybe we always feel like a failure despite clear evidence to the contrary. It could be anything, or nothing at all. We may have simply arrived at this point of awareness and we’re ready to look more deeply at it. From here, we begin to recognize what might be happening. We are acknowledging that something is negatively affecting us. And we need to ask ourselves some questions from a non-judgmental state. Are we trying to control everything; to micromanage ourselves and others? Are we unintentionally harming ourselves or important relationships with others through challenging behaviours that also affect them? These are just a couple of questions we may ask ourselves but it will all depend on what we are doing and thinking, and in what context. This doesn’t need to be a full-blown self-inquiry. It can look like quiet but intentional thoughts or even a whisper.
The next step is to allow ourselves this state of recognition, without trying to understand it or label it. Just sit peacefully with it, in the absence of judgement or blame. This is somewhat of a purposeful pause in order to allow for deeper levels of attention. Fear might be showing itself. Anxiety may be hovering. We can allow ourselves to quietly observe anything that arises and acknowledge its presence within ourselves or certain situations.
Next is the investigative phase. Here, we can move on to investigating more about why we might be engaging in certain behaviours that may be causing issues for us. This is an opportunity for us to listen to our body and what it might be feeling. As the saying goes, “the issues are in our tissues”. Our bodies hold a record of our thoughts and emotions, good and bad. For example, is there tightness or discomfort in certain areas? If so, what do you think might be behind this; fear, anxiety, anger, hurt? Then ask a few simple questions. What is it that we believe about ourselves or situations that results in patterns of certain thoughts and behaviours that are not beneficial? Do we do “fill in the blank” out of fear? Are we concerned about losing control and having our worst fears come to fruition? Do we have childhood trauma from toxic role models and so we unconsciously act on messages that were unjustifiably funnelled to us as children, such as inadequacy, that we’re unlovable, abandonment, rejection, fear, and so on? Do we project unresolved, fear-based feelings from past experiences and relationships onto current relationships, inadvertently causing conflict in the present?
Lastly, we move to the nurturing process of the RAIN system. Here is the space where we show ourselves compassion and love after recognizing that we are suffering in some way. We need to ask our inner selves what is needed. Is it reassurance? Is it forgiveness? Is it engaging more in connections with others? Then we actively provide that care to ourselves. “You’re okay.” “This isn’t your fault”. “Trust yourself”. “It’s okay to reach out for connection”.
After the four RAIN steps have been completed, it’s important to simply feel our own presence and awareness. Hold onto that meditative state for as long as you need to. We don’t need to self-limit ourselves and our lives because of fear or other heavy feelings. We can seek them out within ourselves, sit with the new awareness, acknowledge our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, and then nurture ourselves. In this process, we have the potential to move to new and improved spaces in our lives through self-acceptance, understanding, and compassion.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and Twitter
References
Brach, T. (2020, January 1). RAIN: A practice of radical compassion. Tara Brach. https://www.tarabrach.com/rain-practice-radical-compassion/
A warm welcome to the new visitors to the site! I love Google Analytics for providing insight into website activities.
So, one topic that presents challenges for scapegoats is trust. When we’re treated as a scapegoat and/or abused by narcissists, whether it’s in a family or other relationship, it damages our ability to trust others. Here we are being treated unfairly by someone who’s supposed to love and care about us, but they use us as a patsy for their own behaviour. And they criticize, berate, and lie about us all for their own interests. Sometimes physical or other abuse is involved. There’s no loyalty coming from them to us. None. If it’s a parent, we may believe that their actions toward us are somehow justified. I mean, this is our parent. A supposed role model. Someone we should be able to trust and lean on. Someone who demands to be seen as wise and all-knowing. And yet the person they portray us to be is not anything like who we feel we are. That creates a great deal of dissonance. Then, because we’ve been taught to respect this person and “do as we’re told”, we feel guilty for even questioning them in our minds. And they will be quite willing to pile more guilt on just to keep us held down. Their behaviour towards us – control, manipulation, gaslighting, projecting, etc. – is all meant to keep us in line and under their thumb. They may try to mask it as concern, love, discipline, or whatever else, but it’s all about keeping us firmly entrenched in our scapegoat role.
If we go on to other relationships with narcissists (which is quite common because it’s familiar), this cycle will continue. Abuse, blame, guilt. At some point, it’s only human to want to stop trusting people, unless we’re fortunate enough to have people in our lives who happen to be the real deal and wouldn’t hurt us for all the money in the world. There’s only so much our psyches can take before we need to protect ourselves. That’s perfectly normal. Upsetting, but normal.
How do we learn to trust people? One big piece of advice is to take your time when we’re getting to know new people. And when it comes to people who have proved to us over and over that they can’t be trusted, but they’re suddenly saying they’ve ‘changed’, we need to keep their past behaviour in mind before we let down our guard. There truly are good people out there in the world. We just need to listen to our intuition and past experience. We need to trust ourselves and our ability to make good judgments. And if red flags turn up along the way, we have every right to remove ourselves from whatever the situation may be. Don’t worry about hurt feelings or someone getting peeved. We need to take care of ourselves, and that includes protection from people who we feel may hurt us.
In childhood, we don’t often have protection from a narcissistic parent. Family members and other relatives tend to go along with the narrative. But we may luck out and have at least one family member who’s in our corner for support, even if they do so out of sight of the narcissist. If not, we may have friends we can turn to for support. In other relationships, we may believe that the ‘love’ we were given by a narcissist is what love should look like. As a result, we may inadvertently end up with more narcissists. And that’s okay. We all learn as we go. Once we recognize toxic people, abuse, cycles, patterns, scapegoating, and so on, we can forgive ourselves for not recognizing it because it was all we knew and what we thought was ‘normal’. And then we can do our best to keep ourselves safe from that point forward. We may at some point be tricked by another toxic person, even when we thought we had a handle on knowing what to look for. That’s okay. We forgive ourselves again and we move on. We save our trust for people who deserve it.
Yes, being a scapegoat is a difficult experience. Look at it this way, though – imagine being a narcissist or other toxic, miserable type of person. Having to control and manipulate others just to feel some sense of security. Protecting a fragile ego at all costs. Hurting people over and over again. No, thanks! Even though they hurt us, at least we can learn, grow, and become stronger, kinder people. They also provide us with a spectacular model of who we don’t ever want to be. They’re absolutely stuck where they are. Very few toxic people ever change. We have so many opportunities for changing and adapting. That’s such a gift.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and Twitter
When it comes to self-care, exercise, nutrition, sleep, and stress management are major components. Self-care can sometimes be challenging to quantify and keep track of, though. I’ve found over the years that fitness trackers are great tools for ensuring that my self-care efforts are at the level I want them to be. For instance, my current tracker keeps a record of steps taken. Heart rate is also tracked, which then gives me a good idea of my resting heart rate as well as the zones entered for fat burning, etc. during exercise. It also gives me a really good reference for my sleep habits, from duration and time spent in different phases (light, deep, REM, awake), to snoring (lol), restlessness, and other things. There is a Menstrual Health Tracker as well. Food and water intake can be logged into a related subscription app, allowing me to tweak calorie consumption and hydration levels as needed. Additionally, the tracker provides access to what’s going on with my heart rate during periods of stress, which can prompt me to employ relaxation techniques like deep breathing. It’s really quite amazing to watch my heart rate drop when I take deep breaths and consciously attempt to relax my body. It’s great evidence that these techniques really work! Plus, the app I use keeps a record of the tracked information so that I can view long-term trends. On the tech side, it has GPS and an ECG app, text/call/app notifications, Alexa and Google Assistant, to name a few. There’s so many great things to say about these gadgets.
If you’re in the market for a fitness tracker to accompany you on your self-care journey, I can recommend the Fitbit Sense because it’s the model I’ve had for about 1.5 years. It’s a great-quality product, and the Fitbit app is simple to access and use (free for six months with purchase of new Fitbit, then around $12-13 CDN per month). Also, I haven’t noticed any decline in the ability of the battery to hold a charge. And for anyone who’s interested, you can purchase a variety of bands and screen covers for it in different colours, materials, and styles. Fitness trackers can be as stylish as you want them to be.
In my experience, having a fitness tracker really opened my eyes to so many positives (and negatives that needed improvement) with regard to my self-care. I can’t imagine not having one. You can view them here: https://amzn.to/3yKFZEB (copy and paste link into browser to access details).
If a fitness tracker isn’t of interest to you, consider using online trackers or good, old-fashioned pen and paper to keep track of managing your self-care.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and Twitter
Hi All,
I thought it might be beneficial to write a post about attachment within dysfunctional families, particularly with narcissists.
Attachment theory is based in psychology and looks at the relationship between a primary caregiver and their baby. There are different stages of attachment, moving from birth to around two years of age. Although there are four defined styles of attachment, both avoidant and dismissive attachment are the most common for children of narcissists. These are insecure attachments, as compared to secure attachment with caregivers on which a child can depend.
Avoidant attachment involves a style of the child showing absolutely no preference for their caregiver or a complete stranger. Often, this is created by caregivers who are neglectful and/or abusive.
Disorganized attachment looks like a mixture of behaviour, seeming at times confused or disoriented. Due to caregivers who have made a child fearful of them, this style can result in the desire to defend oneself while still wanting to reach out to and form attachments with others.
Beyond the age of two, avoidant attachment often includes avoidance of seeking help from others because the individual needed to learn to be independent when their caregiver was never there for them. Disorganized attachment individuals may display disassociation and/or symptoms of PTSD.
As adults, these attachment patterns, which formed at a young age, stay with us. This often results in the recreation of these attachment/relationship styles throughout our lives, particularly in romantic interactions. They shape how we see ourselves and others.
With insecure attachments, we may have more stress hormones, negative self-perception, and difficulties with emotions, cognition, and behaviour. Anxiety, depression, and PTSD are also common outcomes.
So, where does this leave us? When we become aware of these attachment styles and how they can impact us on many levels, we can learn to get out in front of them. We can change our perspectives and perceptions. We have the power and the tools to overcome these patterns. Two of the main things we need are awareness and a desire to improve our situation. Stop and think when an automatic response to a situation arises within: why is it that I’m feeling this way? Is it a lifetime habit based in my childhood? Is there another, more positive and healthy reaction that could be chosen? What are the actual feelings at play here, rather than habitual reactions?
There is hope. It can and does get better. Here’s a link to a book on the subject: https://amzn.to/3JcVfid.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and Twitter
Childhood abuse and trauma, together with cumulative negative experiences with toxic people as our lives move forward, often results in an exaggerated physiological response to stressful situations. Our emotional reactions register within our mind and body, and this can also lead to mental and/or physical illnesses.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, in his book, The Body Keeps the Score, shows “how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust”. This is a great book with beneficial insights into the workings of stress and trauma on our bodies and minds. (Amazon Link to this book: https://amzn.to/3SHQIsE).
When we are aware of how abuse, stress, and trauma can affect our minds and bodies, we have the opportunity to minimize our exposure to these situations and/or learn how to successfully manage it in our lives. There are many helpful activities that we can engage in, which I have discussed in previous posts, that include deep breathing, mindfulness, self-care, talking with a trusted individual, and so on. We are empowered when we learn about the impacts of certain negative situations on our wellbeing, and then take steps to minimize those impacts. Protecting ourselves from harm is imperative, and we have the right to take steps to keep ourselves safe.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Twitter