Tag: narcissist free (Page 2 of 3)

Live your Life for You (it really can make a difference)

March 15, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Something I think many of us have noticed in life is that it can be human nature to feel concerned about what other people think, from the smallest to the most important of things. Often, we put what other people think, particularly what they think of us, ahead of our own thoughts and feelings.

Recently, I posted about the fact that no matter what we do, we have zero control over the opinions that others hold of us. It’s a waste of time and energy to struggle against this, especially when it comes to close-minded individuals who generally enjoy thinking the worst of others because it often makes them feel better about themselves.

Another negative side of worrying about people’s opinions of us is that we risk missing out on new and possibly special or limited time experiences, either on our own or with our friends and loved ones. We may avoid doing or saying something out of fear of ridicule, disapproval or a desire to ensure that a given perception of us is conveyed.

In my view, we need to live our lives for ourselves. We are given our time on this earth to enjoy the gift of being alive, to grow as individuals, to experience joy, peace and happiness, to form bonds with others (human, animal), to learn to love and accept ourselves, and so on.

So, the next time you want to do something – new or old (and, obviously, legal!) – but your mind fills with questions about what people might think or say, consider pushing through those negative, worried thoughts and replacing them with positivity and enthusiasm. At the end of the day, not doing what matters to you out of fear of what goes on in the minds of others, will quite possibly leave you with regret and disappointment.

Enjoy your life. Do what makes you happy. Follow through on those experiences that feel important and carry them out as though no one is ever watching. Don’t worry about what other people think or say about you. Be yourself. If you’re really struggling, try thinking like a cat; cats don’t appear to care what anyone thinks of them! Trust me – you will reap the rewards from letting go of the negative and focusing on thriving and being happy.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Self-Care Series – No. 3 – Exercise

March 12, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Exercise is an important part of self-care. It can be anything from stretching routines to walks to running to biking to hiking to working out with weights to swimming to skiing to skateboarding and the list goes on. Many forms of exercise don’t cost a dime to engage in.

When you add in exercise that takes place outside, it brings the element of nature to the situation. Depending upon where you are, nature often involves beautiful sights, fresh air, quiet and so on. It can help you to feel more calm and peaceful while your body experiences the many benefits of physical activity.

Sometimes the last thing we feel like doing or believe we have time for is exercise. I have often felt that way. But the truth is that after exercising, I have never once regretted doing so. In fact, I usually feel rejuvenated and energized.

Exercise can be whatever you want it to be and scheduled so that it easily fits into your life. It has a multitude of mental and physical benefits, and there are many options that come with no cost.

If you haven’t already, consider adding exercise into your life at whatever level you feel comfortable. Once you push through finding excuses not to do it, it gets easier and more enjoyable every time you engage in physical activity.

Here is a book and corresponding link to it that could be helpful if you’re interested in delving deeper into this area of self-care:

https://amzn.to/417l4IW

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Don’t expect lasting, authentic, positive change from a narcissist

March 10, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Narcissists rarely change; not in any authentic way. If they appear to have done so, it’s likely to not be genuine or long-term and is just being used as a tactic to manipulate someone or obtain something. Of the many narcissistically-inclined individuals I’ve known, the stories I’ve heard over the years, the articles I’ve read, the training/education I’ve had on this personality type – they simply don’t tend to change. I won’t say ‘never’ because, well, there could be that rare person who beats the odds. Stranger things have happened. In my experience, though, I’ve yet to see a narcissist change, particularly for the better. In times where I’ve cut a toxic, narcissistic individual out of my life and then heard something about them years later, they’re still doing exactly the same things to their targets. Same cycle over and over and over again, just with different pawns playing in their toxic game.

I’ve had conversations with a narcissist who, on multiple occasions, promised not to do/say something that was emotionally hurting a loved one and then, literally five minutes later, did it again, right in front of me. The need for extreme ego protection and stroking keeps narcissists locked into their behaviour. And because they lack empathy, not even the continued pain they typically create for others will cause them to alter their ways. They convince themselves that the hurt they create is justified and, many times, build up scenarios in which they’re not only hurting people but also making it seem as though those very people have actually been hurting them.

So, if you’re in a relationship of any kind with a narcissist, it’s not advisable to get your hopes up that they will ever change for the better in any lasting way. It doesn’t usually happen with this type of disordered individual. You can try to explain decent and honest behaviour to them until you’re blue in the face; you can drag them to counselling with you; you can attempt to convey your perspective ten times over in the hopes that maybe they’ll finally listen to you but the fact remains that a narcissist is a narcissist is a narcissist. The chances of them ‘getting it’, accepting it and wanting to do something about it are slim to nil.

One of the best things any of us can do when we have a narcissist in our lives is to go no contact or low contact with them. Family, romantic partner, friend, co-worker – whoever it may be, we need to protect ourselves. Waiting around for them to change just causes more damage and wastes our time; time that we could be spending doing something we enjoy either on our own or with emotionally healthy people instead. Narcissists exist in an infinite, inauthentic, dysfunctional loop and, in general, have zero interest in putting an end to it. If we refuse to get caught up in that loop with them, we’re doing ourselves a huge favor.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

It’s possible to steer clear of the narcissist’s storm

March 9, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Narcissists – they’re a dramatic bunch. Their antics often blow in like a storm. Most of what they do involves attention-seeking tactics, gossiping as though it’s their life’s mission, and over-the-top scenes to convey their false victimhood to anyone willing to listen. It’s all one big show to protect and feed their fragile egos.

In virtually all cases, narcissistic behaviour involves blaming someone else for either something they actually did or potentially for an event that is completely fictional. This allows the narcissist to shift responsibility and accountability away from themselves (or, in the case of a fictional event, create drama because they thoroughly enjoy it) while making a show of putting someone else down (which makes them feel ‘more than’) and usually creating a victim story for themselves in the process. It’s a triple-whammy against whoever their target happens to be. Not only are they accusing you of wrongdoing and berating your character for it, but they may also be adding in some false injustice that you carried out against them in the process.

My advice is to not take any of it personally. This has nothing to do with anyone but the narcissist. They may be looking for attention because they are in need of an ego boost, seeking out drama because they’re bored, trying to escape accountability, etc. You’re just a pawn in their game. Simply refuse to play.

If the narcissist’s newest ploy (bringing other people into it while putting you on the hotseat, for example) causes issues that need to be resolved, face it head-on and try to leave emotion out of it. State the facts, don’t engage with the narcissist and then move forward. Stay calm and don’t get drawn into their storm. A narcissist will bog you down in arguments and pointless details for days or more if you allow it. They thrive on drama and conflict. The best thing you can do to protect yourself is to give the situation the minimum amount of energy possible (if it’s something that even needs to be dealt with; much of what narcissists do is quite ignorable) in a business-like way and then be done with all of it. This will hopefully shut it all down and also make the narcissist less likely to target you in the future. When they realize that someone has seen through them and their ongoing trouble-making, they will typically discard that person eventually and replace them with someone who doesn’t yet ‘have their number’. Quite honestly, having a narcissistic personality must be a hellish way to go through life – so much of their energy goes into ego-stroking. It can be helpful to view a narcissist through that lens because it allows you to see that almost everything they do revolves around themselves and their fragile, overly sensitive egos. That, quite honestly, is pitiful, and awareness of it is a major key in dealing with narcissists.

To sum it up, I always recommend reacting to narcissistic behaviour as briefly as possible and attempting to keep it emotionless. They prey on our emotions so do your best to leave those out of it. Once you’ve said or done whatever is necessary to prevent or repair issues created by the narcissist’s latest manipulation, leave it be. Take away any energy or emotion so that there isn’t anything for them to feed on. This requires practice but it’s completely achievable in time. And, best of all, it works.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Trust your Gut (Intuition)

March 6, 2021 / / 0 Comments

The definition of intuition is “the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning”.

Intuition is a tool that is always in our toolbox. The trick is to allow it to do its job by consistently listening to it and trusting in the process.

When we have narcissists in our lives, they will often convince us to listen to them rather than following our own instincts and wisdom when it comes to our life decisions. Without a doubt, this will ultimately create issues for us.

By following our intuition, in concert with using our knowledge and common sense, we tend to derive positive and beneficial outcomes. This all boils down to trusting ourselves to make good decisions. Have faith in yourself that you have the ability to manage your life. It’s never a good idea to hand over that power to anyone, especially a narcissist.

Let your intuition freely flow, listen to and trust in it, and then trust yourself to do what is best with the information available to you. Believe and trust in yourself to know what is best for you.

If you would like to delve further into the world of intuition, here is a book suggestion and link:

https://amzn.to/3Nf3zAG

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

*Disclaimer: I may receive a small commission if you click on the above link and purchase the product. *

My “Why” as a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach

March 5, 2021 / / 0 Comments

I think it’s natural to sometimes wonder what brings a person to a certain career choice. For anyone who might be curious as to why I write the posts contained on my website, offer recovery support services, and how it all came about, my answer is a fairly simple one:

I have experienced a great deal of narcissistic abuse over the course of my life and within a variety of relationships. It negatively impacted quite heavily on all areas of my existence over the years. When the “a-ha” moment arrived in the form of awareness of narcissistic abuse and its dynamics, my recovery began.

Since that point in time, I have made a commitment to helping others find their way on the path to recovery from narcissistic abuse. Off the start, I felt completely alone with this new realization (which is one of the many reasons that I believe the support system I offer to be so incredibly important). I wasn’t sure who to turn to or what to do next. In time, I engaged in extensive therapy, read every book on the subject of narcissism, abuse and related issues that I could get my hands on, took and continue to take courses on a variety of topics not only to further my understanding of recovery and ongoing self-care but to better help others, severely limited my interaction with narcissistic individuals and focused on finding myself after years of being controlled, manipulated and told who I needed to be. It has, as a result, become my mission to inform, assist and support anyone who is in search of recovery from narcissistic abuse. This all comes from a place of lived experience, empathy, knowledge and the strong belief that no one should have to endure suffering and sustain personal damage as a direct result of the behaviour of disordered individuals such as narcissists.

So, in simple terms, that’s my ‘why’. If you would like to know more about the recovery support and other services that I offer, please feel free to drop me an e-mail at na********************@***il.com. I will get back to you within 24 hours. There is also a wide selection of ever-growing posts to be found on my website.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

When someone asks, “Why do you/did you stay with the narcissist?”

March 3, 2021 / / 0 Comments

So, this is definitely an issue for many of us who have been or still are in a romantic relationship with a narcissist. Well-meaning (most of the time) people who have not had the experience of being manipulated and damaged by a narcissistic parent, role model or trusted friend/mentor/etc. can’t understand why we “put up with” someone who doesn’t treat us well in an adult romantic relationship. They look puzzled, ask questions and just generally appear to be lost on the subject.

What they don’t understand is the dynamics behind being raised within a narcissistic family unit or having been groomed and trained by a narcissist outside of our family of origin. Everyone has their own unique experience with this in terms of who shaped them and how, but, in the end, the damage is done.

As people who have been negatively impacted by narcissism, we tend to have a skewed view of what love looks like. With a narcissist in our earlier years, we are led to believe that we are undeserving of kindness, caring, authentic love, compliments and genuine affection. We are typically made to feel ‘less than’, unlovable, disliked, scapegoated, and just generally a waste of space. We’re often told that we’d be lucky if anyone ever loved us because we’re so undeserving of it based on all of our alleged flaws and faults. And so we tend to enter into relationships that remind us on an emotional level of our early family, etc. relationships with narcissists. These types of bonds are familiar and they feel like love (or, at least, the version of ‘love’ we knew), even though deep down in our subconscious we know they are anything but. We accept terrible behaviour from narcissistic romantic partners, interspersed with decency here and there, because that’s what we know and it’s what we feel we deserve because we’ve been made to believe that we are so lacking and unlovable all our lives. We often feel fortunate that anyone is willing to even give us a second glance and we accept abusive behaviour just so that the relationship can be maintained.

People who haven’t had these negative experiences can never truly understand the damage it does, the massive long-term effect it has on us, or why children of narcissists or victims of other narcissistic individuals are commonly drawn to and form romantic relationships with narcissists as adults (unless/until we become aware and then work to repair the damage).

So when someone asks you why you stay with an unpleasant partner (the word ‘narcissist’ may not come into play) or why you stayed so long before leaving, unless it’s a therapist or counsellor who is working with you, maybe just consider telling them it’s complicated. We don’t owe anyone an explanation for our life choices and the reasoning behind them. Sometimes we don’t even have those answers ourselves yet, anyway. But it’s helpful to recognize that someone who hasn’t experienced years of narcissistic abuse would be hard-pressed to understand what it’s like or the negative impact it has on every level of a person’s life. And know that you’re not alone. There is support available through a variety of online forums, professional therapists, self-help books, narcissistic abuse recovery coaching with myself at Natural Clarity Coaching, and so on. Reach out for help when you need it.

If you are interested in reading about growing up in a narcissistic family of origin, here’s a book that many people find helpful. It’s geared towards daughters of narcissistic mothers but the same principles apply to narcissistic mothers or fathers and their sons or daughters.

https://amzn.to/46KQKVG

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

*Disclaimer – I may earn a small commission if you click on the above link and purchase the product.*

Hang in there! You’ve got this! (Leaving a narcissist)

February 18, 2021 / / 0 Comments

To anyone who is contemplating leaving a narcissist or in the process of doing so, just hang in there. You’ve got this … you can do it. Whether this is a family member, friend, romantic partner, etc., you can and will get to a better place.

There’s no doubt that it’s incredibly challenging to arrive at the decision to leave behind a narcissist, let alone actually leaving, but there is so much more for you on the other side of this situation.

Believe in yourself and your future. Everyone deserves respect, particularly from loved ones. If you aren’t getting that, then you need to consider moving on. Yes, it can be tough to imagine your life without this person, and, no, it isn’t easy to make huge life changes. But they are very much worth it. And when you look back, you will wonder why you didn’t make the changes sooner.

Narcissists rarely change. Trying to make them see that they should behave decently is typically a waste of energy (and also something you really shouldn’t need to explain to anyone). And while you’re working on convincing them, they are continuing to manipulate, undermine, sabotage and damage you further while wasting more of your time in the process. In the end, moving on inevitably brings on new opportunities, personal growth, and so much more.

During the decision-making and/or leaving process (wherever you may be right now), keep self-care at the forefront. You need to be strong on every level in order to move forward. If you make self-care a priority, you will benefit from it more than you can likely imagine right now. And find support in people you trust. That includes not only family and/or friends but also social workers, psychologists, coaches or any other resource that you can locate to help you get through this.

Just know that there are multitudes of narcissistic abuse survivors out there rooting for you and every other person trying to move beyond a narcissist in their life. Picture yourself in a better time and place and then put one foot in front of the other to start the journey. Your feet may feel like lead and your mind may be spinning, leaving you confused and muddled. That’s normal under these circumstances. But know that you can do it and you will thank yourself for it some day when peace, happiness and clarity become daily happenings.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Darkness to light: Some of the impacts, as an adult, of being raised by narcissists, and how to start your recovery journey

February 9, 2021 / / 0 Comments

For those of us who were raised by narcissists, there are some very common challenges that may rear their ugly heads when we are adults. Here are just a few: 1. Depression and anxiety; 2. Low self-esteem; 3. Trust and abandonment issues; 4. Feeling unworthy of love and respect; 5. Downplaying accomplishments; 6. Finding yourself in recurring dysfunctional, destructive relationships; 7. Low or no self-care.

These are just some of the possible outcomes resulting from a childhood with narcissistic parents or role models. Obviously, because we are all individuals, the specific results will be unique. For the majority of us, it takes many years to recognize and then accept the damage that has been done on so many levels. In all honesty, some people never recognize it for what it is and, subsequently, go through their entire lives suffering. It doesn’t have to be this way, and this is one of the many reasons that I have dedicated myself to helping others in the realm of narcissistic abuse awareness and recovery.

My primary recommendation, whether a person has just an inkling of a feeling that something was/is ‘off’ in their family of origin or relationship(s), or if they have a massive “a-ha” moment of realization and see the damage within themselves, is to seek out support. Forums, support groups, therapists/psychologists/counsellors who are knowledgeable in narcissistic abuse and treatment, narcissistic abuse recovery coaches such as myself, friends who understand … whatever supportive resources you can locate for yourself, just do it. Having support is absolutely key in journeying through narcissistic abuse awareness, acceptance and recovery, particularly in the early stages.

In addition to support, it is imperative, beyond educating yourself about narcissism (fragile egos and disordered individuals) so that you understand what happened and why, to shine the spotlight on your recovery. Be patient with yourself, take the time you need to make your way through the process, look after yourself on all levels – mental, emotional, spiritual and physical. You need to make yourself strong for this journey. I can’t emphasize enough just how important this is. Invest in your recovery because it will serve you well in the future. In fact, it will more than likely change your life for the better in ways you never imagined!

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Self-awareness is a useful tool, especially when dealing with narcissists

November 30, 2020 / / 0 Comments

An incredibly useful tool in narcissistic abuse recognition and recovery is self-awareness.

Self-awareness allows us to be in touch with how we are feeling mentally, emotionally and physically. In order for it to be effective, honesty is imperative.

So, self-awareness in the context of both narcissistic abuse recognition and recovery entails paying attention to our mental, emotional and physical states in response to certain stimuli ie.) interactions with a narcissistic individual. For example, what is my overall sentiment after this individual did/said something unpleasant – angry, upset, hurt, confused, stressed, etc.? Is my mind overwhelmed, shutting down, or am I feeling discombulated? And how is my body reacting – tensing up, increase in pulse rate or blood pressure, furrowed brows, feeling overly warm, etc.? Checking in with ourselves regularly is also a great form of self-care.

This exercise in self-care should also initially leave out the “why” in terms of the other person’s intention. It should be a basic, “How do I feel right now?” And if you regularly find yourself feeling a lot of negative and stressful reactions to a particular person and their behaviour towards you, it may then be worth delving into at that point.

At the very root of interactions with other people, particularly narcissistic ones, asking the simple questions, “How do I feel about what was just said or done to me?” or “How do my interactions with this person make me feel?”, and then assessing your three levels of feelings (mental, emotional, physical) in a truthful manner, will help you to decide how to respond both now and in the future. Listen to that inner voice and honor its authenticity.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

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