So, first of all, in psychology terms, projection refers to taking one’s own feelings, beliefs and/or insecurities and projecting/placing them onto someone else. Let’s say, for example, I’m feeling anxious about something. I may then approach my friend, who at that moment is free of anxiety, and talk to her as though she’s the one who is anxious, which may, as an aside, actually make her feel anxious. If I can convince myself that my friend is actually the anxious one in the scenario, it might just lighten or entirely remove the intensity of it for me. This is typically an activity, unaware as we may be of it, that we all do from time to time.
When used by narcissists, projection becomes somewhat of a weapon. And they use it on a very regular, albeit typically subconscious, basis. Narcissistic individuals base their entire self-worth on how they are perceived by others. In order to protect their fragile egos, the disordered will deny any shortcomings, usually by shifting the blame (projecting) for any issues onto, as well as devaluing, others. If it’s a romantic relationship and they happen to be unfaithful to their partner, suddenly they treat their partner as the one who has strayed. Or the narcissist in any type of relationship or situation may use projection by claiming that you are abusive to them (aka they are the “victim”) when, in fact, it is quite the opposite. Classic narcissistic behaviour using projection.
So, what approach is useful for dealing with narcissistic projection? As set out in my previous blog post on smear campaigns (the often culminating event of projection), silence tends to work well as a response and as a strong boundary. That means avoiding JED; justifying, explaining, defending. Narcissists literally count on their victims to JED so that they can further their agenda of playing the victim and take the heat off of their own shortcomings that they can’t bear to look at. They feed on the responses to their projection behaviour. If circumstances do not allow for silence as a reaction to projection, try to say as little as you need to and without JED-ing or pointing fingers in the process. Stick to the facts and leave emotion out of it as much as is humanly possible.
Above all else, check in with yourself when you feel that you’ve been accused of or made to feel responsible for something (feelings, behaviour, etc.) that isn’t yours. Recognize that projection is a very real and common occurrence and that you don’t need to ‘own’ anyone else’s issues, especially those who are in the narcissistic category. At the very foundation of it, narcissists cannot face any shortcomings in themselves – it goes against everything they constantly do to protect their sensitive egos – and they will go to any length to deflect it onto others. Do your best not to be drawn into their maneuvers and you can be assured of much less narcissistic drama in your life together with freedom from battles that aren’t yours to fight.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
