Tag: life coach (Page 14 of 17)

Self-Care Series – No. 3 – Exercise

March 12, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Exercise is an important part of self-care. It can be anything from stretching routines to walks to running to biking to hiking to working out with weights to swimming to skiing to skateboarding and the list goes on. Many forms of exercise don’t cost a dime to engage in.

When you add in exercise that takes place outside, it brings the element of nature to the situation. Depending upon where you are, nature often involves beautiful sights, fresh air, quiet and so on. It can help you to feel more calm and peaceful while your body experiences the many benefits of physical activity.

Sometimes the last thing we feel like doing or believe we have time for is exercise. I have often felt that way. But the truth is that after exercising, I have never once regretted doing so. In fact, I usually feel rejuvenated and energized.

Exercise can be whatever you want it to be and scheduled so that it easily fits into your life. It has a multitude of mental and physical benefits, and there are many options that come with no cost.

If you haven’t already, consider adding exercise into your life at whatever level you feel comfortable. Once you push through finding excuses not to do it, it gets easier and more enjoyable every time you engage in physical activity.

Here is a book and corresponding link to it that could be helpful if you’re interested in delving deeper into this area of self-care:

https://amzn.to/417l4IW

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Don’t expect lasting, authentic, positive change from a narcissist

March 10, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Narcissists rarely change; not in any authentic way. If they appear to have done so, it’s likely to not be genuine or long-term and is just being used as a tactic to manipulate someone or obtain something. Of the many narcissistically-inclined individuals I’ve known, the stories I’ve heard over the years, the articles I’ve read, the training/education I’ve had on this personality type – they simply don’t tend to change. I won’t say ‘never’ because, well, there could be that rare person who beats the odds. Stranger things have happened. In my experience, though, I’ve yet to see a narcissist change, particularly for the better. In times where I’ve cut a toxic, narcissistic individual out of my life and then heard something about them years later, they’re still doing exactly the same things to their targets. Same cycle over and over and over again, just with different pawns playing in their toxic game.

I’ve had conversations with a narcissist who, on multiple occasions, promised not to do/say something that was emotionally hurting a loved one and then, literally five minutes later, did it again, right in front of me. The need for extreme ego protection and stroking keeps narcissists locked into their behaviour. And because they lack empathy, not even the continued pain they typically create for others will cause them to alter their ways. They convince themselves that the hurt they create is justified and, many times, build up scenarios in which they’re not only hurting people but also making it seem as though those very people have actually been hurting them.

So, if you’re in a relationship of any kind with a narcissist, it’s not advisable to get your hopes up that they will ever change for the better in any lasting way. It doesn’t usually happen with this type of disordered individual. You can try to explain decent and honest behaviour to them until you’re blue in the face; you can drag them to counselling with you; you can attempt to convey your perspective ten times over in the hopes that maybe they’ll finally listen to you but the fact remains that a narcissist is a narcissist is a narcissist. The chances of them ‘getting it’, accepting it and wanting to do something about it are slim to nil.

One of the best things any of us can do when we have a narcissist in our lives is to go no contact or low contact with them. Family, romantic partner, friend, co-worker – whoever it may be, we need to protect ourselves. Waiting around for them to change just causes more damage and wastes our time; time that we could be spending doing something we enjoy either on our own or with emotionally healthy people instead. Narcissists exist in an infinite, inauthentic, dysfunctional loop and, in general, have zero interest in putting an end to it. If we refuse to get caught up in that loop with them, we’re doing ourselves a huge favor.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

It’s possible to steer clear of the narcissist’s storm

March 9, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Narcissists – they’re a dramatic bunch. Their antics often blow in like a storm. Most of what they do involves attention-seeking tactics, gossiping as though it’s their life’s mission, and over-the-top scenes to convey their false victimhood to anyone willing to listen. It’s all one big show to protect and feed their fragile egos.

In virtually all cases, narcissistic behaviour involves blaming someone else for either something they actually did or potentially for an event that is completely fictional. This allows the narcissist to shift responsibility and accountability away from themselves (or, in the case of a fictional event, create drama because they thoroughly enjoy it) while making a show of putting someone else down (which makes them feel ‘more than’) and usually creating a victim story for themselves in the process. It’s a triple-whammy against whoever their target happens to be. Not only are they accusing you of wrongdoing and berating your character for it, but they may also be adding in some false injustice that you carried out against them in the process.

My advice is to not take any of it personally. This has nothing to do with anyone but the narcissist. They may be looking for attention because they are in need of an ego boost, seeking out drama because they’re bored, trying to escape accountability, etc. You’re just a pawn in their game. Simply refuse to play.

If the narcissist’s newest ploy (bringing other people into it while putting you on the hotseat, for example) causes issues that need to be resolved, face it head-on and try to leave emotion out of it. State the facts, don’t engage with the narcissist and then move forward. Stay calm and don’t get drawn into their storm. A narcissist will bog you down in arguments and pointless details for days or more if you allow it. They thrive on drama and conflict. The best thing you can do to protect yourself is to give the situation the minimum amount of energy possible (if it’s something that even needs to be dealt with; much of what narcissists do is quite ignorable) in a business-like way and then be done with all of it. This will hopefully shut it all down and also make the narcissist less likely to target you in the future. When they realize that someone has seen through them and their ongoing trouble-making, they will typically discard that person eventually and replace them with someone who doesn’t yet ‘have their number’. Quite honestly, having a narcissistic personality must be a hellish way to go through life – so much of their energy goes into ego-stroking. It can be helpful to view a narcissist through that lens because it allows you to see that almost everything they do revolves around themselves and their fragile, overly sensitive egos. That, quite honestly, is pitiful, and awareness of it is a major key in dealing with narcissists.

To sum it up, I always recommend reacting to narcissistic behaviour as briefly as possible and attempting to keep it emotionless. They prey on our emotions so do your best to leave those out of it. Once you’ve said or done whatever is necessary to prevent or repair issues created by the narcissist’s latest manipulation, leave it be. Take away any energy or emotion so that there isn’t anything for them to feed on. This requires practice but it’s completely achievable in time. And, best of all, it works.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Trust your Gut (Intuition)

March 6, 2021 / / 0 Comments

The definition of intuition is “the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning”.

Intuition is a tool that is always in our toolbox. The trick is to allow it to do its job by consistently listening to it and trusting in the process.

When we have narcissists in our lives, they will often convince us to listen to them rather than following our own instincts and wisdom when it comes to our life decisions. Without a doubt, this will ultimately create issues for us.

By following our intuition, in concert with using our knowledge and common sense, we tend to derive positive and beneficial outcomes. This all boils down to trusting ourselves to make good decisions. Have faith in yourself that you have the ability to manage your life. It’s never a good idea to hand over that power to anyone, especially a narcissist.

Let your intuition freely flow, listen to and trust in it, and then trust yourself to do what is best with the information available to you. Believe and trust in yourself to know what is best for you.

If you would like to delve further into the world of intuition, here is a book suggestion and link:

https://amzn.to/3Nf3zAG

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

*Disclaimer: I may receive a small commission if you click on the above link and purchase the product. *

My “Why” as a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach

March 5, 2021 / / 0 Comments

I think it’s natural to sometimes wonder what brings a person to a certain career choice. For anyone who might be curious as to why I write the posts contained on my website, offer recovery support services, and how it all came about, my answer is a fairly simple one:

I have experienced a great deal of narcissistic abuse over the course of my life and within a variety of relationships. It negatively impacted quite heavily on all areas of my existence over the years. When the “a-ha” moment arrived in the form of awareness of narcissistic abuse and its dynamics, my recovery began.

Since that point in time, I have made a commitment to helping others find their way on the path to recovery from narcissistic abuse. Off the start, I felt completely alone with this new realization (which is one of the many reasons that I believe the support system I offer to be so incredibly important). I wasn’t sure who to turn to or what to do next. In time, I engaged in extensive therapy, read every book on the subject of narcissism, abuse and related issues that I could get my hands on, took and continue to take courses on a variety of topics not only to further my understanding of recovery and ongoing self-care but to better help others, severely limited my interaction with narcissistic individuals and focused on finding myself after years of being controlled, manipulated and told who I needed to be. It has, as a result, become my mission to inform, assist and support anyone who is in search of recovery from narcissistic abuse. This all comes from a place of lived experience, empathy, knowledge and the strong belief that no one should have to endure suffering and sustain personal damage as a direct result of the behaviour of disordered individuals such as narcissists.

So, in simple terms, that’s my ‘why’. If you would like to know more about the recovery support and other services that I offer, please feel free to drop me an e-mail at na********************@***il.com. I will get back to you within 24 hours. There is also a wide selection of ever-growing posts to be found on my website.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

When someone asks, “Why do you/did you stay with the narcissist?”

March 3, 2021 / / 0 Comments

So, this is definitely an issue for many of us who have been or still are in a romantic relationship with a narcissist. Well-meaning (most of the time) people who have not had the experience of being manipulated and damaged by a narcissistic parent, role model or trusted friend/mentor/etc. can’t understand why we “put up with” someone who doesn’t treat us well in an adult romantic relationship. They look puzzled, ask questions and just generally appear to be lost on the subject.

What they don’t understand is the dynamics behind being raised within a narcissistic family unit or having been groomed and trained by a narcissist outside of our family of origin. Everyone has their own unique experience with this in terms of who shaped them and how, but, in the end, the damage is done.

As people who have been negatively impacted by narcissism, we tend to have a skewed view of what love looks like. With a narcissist in our earlier years, we are led to believe that we are undeserving of kindness, caring, authentic love, compliments and genuine affection. We are typically made to feel ‘less than’, unlovable, disliked, scapegoated, and just generally a waste of space. We’re often told that we’d be lucky if anyone ever loved us because we’re so undeserving of it based on all of our alleged flaws and faults. And so we tend to enter into relationships that remind us on an emotional level of our early family, etc. relationships with narcissists. These types of bonds are familiar and they feel like love (or, at least, the version of ‘love’ we knew), even though deep down in our subconscious we know they are anything but. We accept terrible behaviour from narcissistic romantic partners, interspersed with decency here and there, because that’s what we know and it’s what we feel we deserve because we’ve been made to believe that we are so lacking and unlovable all our lives. We often feel fortunate that anyone is willing to even give us a second glance and we accept abusive behaviour just so that the relationship can be maintained.

People who haven’t had these negative experiences can never truly understand the damage it does, the massive long-term effect it has on us, or why children of narcissists or victims of other narcissistic individuals are commonly drawn to and form romantic relationships with narcissists as adults (unless/until we become aware and then work to repair the damage).

So when someone asks you why you stay with an unpleasant partner (the word ‘narcissist’ may not come into play) or why you stayed so long before leaving, unless it’s a therapist or counsellor who is working with you, maybe just consider telling them it’s complicated. We don’t owe anyone an explanation for our life choices and the reasoning behind them. Sometimes we don’t even have those answers ourselves yet, anyway. But it’s helpful to recognize that someone who hasn’t experienced years of narcissistic abuse would be hard-pressed to understand what it’s like or the negative impact it has on every level of a person’s life. And know that you’re not alone. There is support available through a variety of online forums, professional therapists, self-help books, narcissistic abuse recovery coaching with myself at Natural Clarity Coaching, and so on. Reach out for help when you need it.

If you are interested in reading about growing up in a narcissistic family of origin, here’s a book that many people find helpful. It’s geared towards daughters of narcissistic mothers but the same principles apply to narcissistic mothers or fathers and their sons or daughters.

https://amzn.to/46KQKVG

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

*Disclaimer – I may earn a small commission if you click on the above link and purchase the product.*

Self-Care Series – No. 2 – Acupuncture and Acupressure

February 28, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Continuing on with the short self-care series, our focus should always be on caring for ourselves to ensure that we are strong and as healthy as possible on all levels. Dealing with narcissists is usually a draining experience and it’s easy to lose ourselves in all of the drama and exhaustion from it.

So … acupuncture and acupressure. Both are based on promoting wellness and relaxation as well as treating disease. Acupuncture involves a practitioner stimulating certain points in the body, most often inserting thin needles through the skin. It has been found to be beneficial for some individuals with conditions such as low back pain, neck pain, osteoarthritis/knee pain, headaches/migraines and other conditions. I found acupuncture extremely helpful for pain with a herniated disc in my lower back many years ago.

Acupressure uses pressure to stimulate points on the body in an effort to clear blockages within a targeted area. Hands, elbows and other tools are used for this activity, and it can be performed by a practitioner or by oneself.

While living with a narcissistic individual, I often had headaches or migraines brought on by stress. Acupressure and acupuncture are both great options for relieving stress, improving relaxation and allowing the body to heal itself. One such acupressure exercise for potential headache/migraine relief is as follows: Using the thumb of one hand, press the webbing between the thumb and index finger of your other hand. Try to angle the pressure toward the bone that connects the index finger and hold for one minute. Then do the same for your other hand. I recently purchased this book, “Acupressure’s Potent Points A Guide to Self-Care for Common Ailments” by Michael Reed Gach. So far, I have found it to be quite a useful resource. Here is the link for this book:

https://amzn.to/3RvaEQ8

I quite possibly sound like a broken record, but self-care is so extraordinarily important. I can’t emphasize enough just how crucial it is, particularly when dealing with narcissistic abuse. Do what you can to keep yourself strong. It’s easier to maintain strength and wellness than it is to start from scratch. Narcissists often try to convince us that we aren’t important and therefore there’s no point in taking care of ourselves. Don’t buy into that philosophy because it is 110% incorrect. We do matter and we are worth it.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

*Disclaimer: I may receive a small commission if you click on the above link and purchase the product.*

Self-Care Series – No. 1 – Massage Therapy

February 25, 2021 / / 0 Comments

As I have mentioned in many previous posts, self-care is a major and integral component of health and wellness, particularly during or after narcissistic abuse. I will be posting on various ways to implement self-care in a short series.

Today, the self-care topic is massage therapy. Whether you attend with a massage therapist, utilize massage tools or simply use your own hands, massage therapy can bring with it relief for muscle discomfort and tension, regardless of its origins. In the case of dealing with narcissists and their abusive behaviour, mental stress easily converts into physical discomfort in our muscles and other areas of the body. This can then create a cycle of abuse – stress – physical discomfort – lack of sleep from discomfort – mood and concentration issues from discomfort and fatigue – etc.

A massage therapist can assist greatly with helping us to achieve relief from muscle issues. We can also use our hands to manipulate a knot, sore spot or trigger point in the neck, shoulders, back or anywhere on the body that we can reach. There are also many devices available for at-home use. This is one that I use myself (purchased from Amazon – click on link below for further information):

https://amzn.to/481hsKN

This model is a shiatsu back and neck massager with optional heat. It does an amazing job of loosening tight, sore muscles (just be sure to read the manual prior to use). I’m always impressed with how quickly my mental state improves once I achieve full or partial relief from pain and discomfort on a physical level. And I like the fact that I can do this whenever I need to because it’s a DIY type of self-care.

Our bodies, minds, emotions and spirits are intricately connected. It’s important to take care of ourselves because this will help to carry us through whatever comes our way in life. As I’ve mentioned in past posts, it is especially integral to stay strong while in a relationship with a narcissist, if you are thinking of leaving a narcissist, if you are in the process of leaving a narcissist, or after leaving a narcissist. And, as always, support systems are another incredibly important facet of journeying through difficult and challenging experiences.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

*Disclaimer: I may receive a small commission if you click on the link in the post and purchase the item.*

Hang in there! You’ve got this! (Leaving a narcissist)

February 18, 2021 / / 0 Comments

To anyone who is contemplating leaving a narcissist or in the process of doing so, just hang in there. You’ve got this … you can do it. Whether this is a family member, friend, romantic partner, etc., you can and will get to a better place.

There’s no doubt that it’s incredibly challenging to arrive at the decision to leave behind a narcissist, let alone actually leaving, but there is so much more for you on the other side of this situation.

Believe in yourself and your future. Everyone deserves respect, particularly from loved ones. If you aren’t getting that, then you need to consider moving on. Yes, it can be tough to imagine your life without this person, and, no, it isn’t easy to make huge life changes. But they are very much worth it. And when you look back, you will wonder why you didn’t make the changes sooner.

Narcissists rarely change. Trying to make them see that they should behave decently is typically a waste of energy (and also something you really shouldn’t need to explain to anyone). And while you’re working on convincing them, they are continuing to manipulate, undermine, sabotage and damage you further while wasting more of your time in the process. In the end, moving on inevitably brings on new opportunities, personal growth, and so much more.

During the decision-making and/or leaving process (wherever you may be right now), keep self-care at the forefront. You need to be strong on every level in order to move forward. If you make self-care a priority, you will benefit from it more than you can likely imagine right now. And find support in people you trust. That includes not only family and/or friends but also social workers, psychologists, coaches or any other resource that you can locate to help you get through this.

Just know that there are multitudes of narcissistic abuse survivors out there rooting for you and every other person trying to move beyond a narcissist in their life. Picture yourself in a better time and place and then put one foot in front of the other to start the journey. Your feet may feel like lead and your mind may be spinning, leaving you confused and muddled. That’s normal under these circumstances. But know that you can do it and you will thank yourself for it some day when peace, happiness and clarity become daily happenings.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

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