Before I get to my post, I wanted to welcome all of the new visitors to this website. The analytics for the site are revealing a growing audience that is increasingly global in nature. Welcome to all of you! Posts have been fewer and farther between recently due to my return to university. I’m taking several courses, one of which is psychology, and am currently in the midst of studying neuroscience. I may try to post more often but sometimes with shorter posts. It’s important to me to make time for it one way or another. Writing is cathartic for me. And if what I’m writing is beneficial for others, then that is truly a win-win.

So, on to the post. Narcissists and moral grandstanding and virtue signaling … always a show. In order to make the people around them believe that they are upstanding people, the narcissistically inclined love to talk about how honest they are … how kind they are … how understanding they are … how trustworthy they are … how empathetic they are … and so on. This helps to create a fake image of wonderfulness so that people are less likely to question their intentions when they do crappy things, and they can also make others feel guilty for even thinking they would do anything unpleasant because they expressed how honest, kind, nice, etc. they are. This is also a way to seem “better” than other people. Shaming others for choices that the narcissist has judged as “wrong” fits here as well. It’s a “holier than thou”, righteous, judgmental spectacle. “I’m SO honest. I would never hurt anyone by lying to them. I’m not like other people.” When a new person in your life behaves this way, take note. It’s a major red flag that would be unwise to ignore.

In no uncertain terms, it’s all a set-up, particularly in new relationships (romantic, friendships, employers or colleagues). It’s a set-up for buffering future toxic behavior that the narcissist wants to get out in front of. (It can also be a show for strangers, just so that the narcissist can have an audience to whom they can display how morally superior they are). When the mask comes off (and it always does), though, for those in their lives, narcissists want to be able to fall back on all their claims of wondrousness. They don’t want you to see who they know they really are. That would crush their fragile ego! So they’ll remind you of how honest they are and then try to make you feel guilty for questioning them. They’ll shame you with “How could you think I would do such a thing?!” and then pout for a while. “I told you ages ago that I’m nothing but honest and trustworthy so why are you making these hurtful accusations? I’ll bet you’ve lied to me and you’re trying to cover it up by pointing fingers in my direction!”

Don’t fall for the grandstanding. Think about the genuinely honest and trustworthy people in your life. Do they spend time telling everyone how honest and trustworthy they are? Not usually. They just are that way, and they don’t feel the need to shout it from the rooftops. On the other hand, those who are dishonest, unkind, lacking in understanding and empathy, etc., often feel the need to put on a false front in order to fool people into thinking they’re someone that they aren’t. If they just came at the world with their true intentions and behavior on full display, there would likely be a lot of people running off in the opposite direction.

I guess the takeaway from this is that it’s wise to be aware of the behavior of people around you. Most narcissists have similar behaviors, moral grandstanding and virtue signaling being just a couple of them. Some may be loud about it, and others may be trying to quietly stay under the radar, but the message they attempt to convey is the same. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, try not to get caught up in the webs of the personality disordered and you will save yourself a great deal of trouble.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and Twitter