Tag: loss (Page 6 of 7)

Learning to Connect With and Trust Others After Narcissistic Abuse

January 23, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Rebuilding trust after narcissistic abuse can be a challenging and gradual process. Here are some steps we can consider taking to rebuild trust in ourselves and others:

Understand the Dynamics of Narcissistic Abuse:
Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse to gain a deeper understanding of what you’ve experienced. Knowledge can empower you to recognize and address the patterns of manipulation and control.

Seek Professional Support:
Consider seeking therapy or counseling with a mental health professional experienced in trauma and abuse. A therapist can help us navigate our emotions, process the trauma, and develop coping strategies.

Establish Healthy Boundaries:
Learn to set and enforce healthy boundaries. Identify what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in our relationships, and communicate these boundaries assertively.

Practice Self-Compassion ❤️:
Be patient and gentle with ourselves. Healing takes time, and it’s essential to acknowledge our progress and give ourselves credit for overcoming challenges.

Cultivate Self-Awareness:
Develop a deep understanding of ourselves, our needs, and our values. This self-awareness will help us make healthier choices in relationships and identify red flags early on.

Build a Support System:
Surround ourselves with supportive friends and family who understand our journey and can offer encouragement. A strong support system can provide validation and help rebuild our sense of trust in others.

Set Realistic Expectations:
Understand that trust-building is a gradual process. It’s okay to take small steps and set realistic expectations for ourselves. Celebrate the victories, no matter how small, along the way.

Engage in Activities We Enjoy:
Reconnect with activities and hobbies that bring us joy. Engaging in positive experiences can contribute to our overall well-being and help us rebuild a sense of trust in the world.

Explore Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques:
Practices such as mindfulness, meditation, and deep breathing can help us manage anxiety and stress. These techniques can also enhance our ability to stay present and focused on the positive aspects of our lives.

Consider Professional Development:
If applicable, consider career or personal development opportunities to boost self-esteem and confidence. Feeling accomplished in other areas of our life can positively impact our ability to trust ourselves and others.

Remember that healing from narcissistic abuse is a unique and individual process. If we find the journey particularly challenging, seeking professional help is crucial. A therapist can provide guidance, support, and additional strategies tailored to our specific situation. ⭐️

As always, here are some great reading recommendations: https://amzn.to/3SldTZE

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Tik Tok

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

The Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

January 22, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Experiencing narcissistic abuse, especially on a long-term basis, can have profound and lasting cognitive effects. It’s important to note that the impact of abuse can vary from person to person, and not everyone will experience the same effects. Here are some common cognitive effects associated with narcissistic abuse:

Low Self-Esteem: Narcissistic abuse often involves demeaning and belittling behaviors, which can erode a person’s self-worth and confidence. Victims may internalize the negative messages and develop low self-esteem.

Gaslighting: Narcissists frequently use gaslighting techniques to manipulate and control their victims. Gaslighting involves distorting or denying the truth, causing the victim to doubt their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. This can lead to confusion and self-doubt.

Anxiety and Depression: Long-term exposure to narcissistic abuse can contribute to the development of anxiety and depression. The constant stress, fear, and uncertainty in an abusive relationship can take a toll on mental health.

Cognitive Dissonance: Victims of narcissistic abuse may experience cognitive dissonance, a psychological phenomenon where a person holds conflicting beliefs or attitudes. This can occur when the victim is simultaneously aware of the abusive behavior but struggles to reconcile it with the manipulative charm or kindness displayed by the narcissist.

Hypervigilance: Living with a narcissist can create an environment of unpredictability and fear. As a result, survivors may develop hypervigilance—a heightened state of awareness and sensitivity to potential threats. This constant state of alertness can be mentally exhausting.

Difficulty Trusting Others: Betrayal and manipulation by a narcissist can make it challenging for survivors to trust others. They may fear being deceived or hurt again, leading to difficulties forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

Sense of Guilt or Shame: Narcissists often blame their victims for the problems in the relationship, even when the responsibility lies with the abuser. This can lead to feelings of guilt and shame in the survivor, perpetuating a cycle of self-blame.

Impaired Decision-Making: The constant manipulation and control tactics employed by narcissists can undermine a person’s ability to make independent decisions. Survivors may second-guess themselves and struggle with decision-making.

Isolation: Narcissists may isolate their victims from friends and family as a means of maintaining control. This isolation can contribute to feelings of loneliness, further impacting the person’s mental well-being.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): In severe cases, prolonged exposure to narcissistic abuse may lead to symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, such as intrusive memories, flashbacks, and heightened arousal.

It’s important for individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse to seek support from mental health professionals, friends, or support groups. Therapy can be a crucial step in healing and rebuilding cognitive and emotional well-being.

As always, here are some great reading suggestions: https://amzn.to/3ulXLiC

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and TikTok

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

Bloom

January 14, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and TikTok

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

Death of a Disordered Parent (Or an Enabling Parent) – Scapegoat Support

January 13, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Experiencing grief after the death of a disordered or enabling parent can be a complex and challenging process. It’s important to recognize that everyone’s experience with grief is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to feel. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that might help us, particularly as scapegoats, to navigate this difficult time:

Allow Yourself to Feel: Grieving is a natural and individual process. Allow yourself to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, relief, confusion, or even a lack of emotion. It’s okay to experience a mix of feelings.

Seek Support: Consider reaching out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a supportive and non-judgmental space for you to express your emotions. Grieving can be a solitary process, but having a support system can make a significant difference.

Set Boundaries: If there are family members or others who may not understand your complex relationship with the deceased, it’s okay to set boundaries. You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation of your emotions, and it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being during this time.

Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal can be a therapeutic way to process your grief. It can also help you gain clarity and insight into your emotions.

Self-Care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Grieving can be exhausting, so ensure you get enough sleep, eat well, and engage in activities that bring you comfort and joy.

Therapy or Support Groups: If the relationship with your parent was particularly challenging due to narcissism, enabling, or other issues, seeking therapy or joining a support group can be beneficial. A mental health professional can help you navigate the complexities of your emotions and provide guidance.

Acknowledge Mixed Emotions: Grieving a narcissistic or estranged parent can be complicated because of the conflicting emotions involved. You might feel relief or freedom along with grief. Acknowledge these mixed emotions without judgment.

Forgiveness (If Possible): Forgiveness is a personal process and not something everyone can or should pursue. However, some individuals find a sense of peace in forgiving, not for the benefit of the deceased but for their own healing.

Remember that healing is an individual and gradual process, and it’s okay if it takes time. Be patient with yourself and, if needed, seek professional support to help you navigate the emotional complexities of grieving a narcissistic or enabling parent.

Here are some book recommendations on this topic: https://amzn.to/42hAIlK

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and TikTok

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

Preview of New Course for Viewing!

September 16, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Check out the Introduction section of my new, self-paced course offering, ‘Using Intuition and Red Flags to Avoid Toxic Behaviour‘. This will give you a bit of a taste of what the course has to offer. Then, if you’re interested in purchasing it, simply click on the ‘Shop Online Courses’ tab on the main menu. That will take you to the course purchase options.

Just a note – to watch the preview, it is recommended that you open it up to full screen by hovering over the box below and selecting the button in the bottom right-hand corner. To move from slide to slide, click on the slide show or use left-right arrow keys.

If you decide to purchase this course, enjoy! There are more on the way in the near future.

Heather

~Natural Clarity Coaching~

na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Tiktok

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours 

New Course Available

September 14, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Hi All!

Just posting to let you know that there is a new course available for purchase from Natural Clarity Coaching – Using Intuition and Red Flag Awareness to Avoid Toxic Behaviour. The focus is on intuition – how it works, ways to access it, and the benefits it can create – and how to develop a strong awareness of some of the most common red flags. Next, the course delves into how using intuition and red flag awareness as a dynamic duo can provide empowerment and act as a guide to avoid toxic behaviours in our daily lives.

This affordable course is set out in a dynamic slideshow format that is self-paced and easy to follow.

If you are interested, please follow this link for the shop area of Natural Clarity Coaching: https://naturalclaritycoaching.com/product/course-using-intuition-and-awareness-of-red-flags-to-avoid-toxic-behaviour/ or simply click on the ‘Shop Online Courses’ menu on the home page.

Purchases are safely processed by WooCommerce, and the courses have lifetime availability.

Enjoy!

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn

How Trauma Stores in the Body

September 10, 2023 / / 0 Comments

“Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” ~ Gabor Mate

With trauma of any kind, a mark is left not only on the mind, but also on the body.  The memory of trauma becomes stored in the body as well as the nervous system. This can then lead to both psychological and physiological symptoms which can be overwhelming and fatiguing, as in PTSD and C-PTSD. In turn, emotional and physical exhaustion are common results.

If we’re looking at some of the specific symptoms, they can manifest as:

  • Anxiety, depression, dissociation
  • Triggers
  • Flashbacks, nightmares, difficulty sleeping
  • Paranoia
  • Hypervigilance
  • Migraines
  • Chronic pain

When experiencing a traumatic event, our body is triggered to fight, flee, or fawn (trying to please someone to avoid conflict). This comes from within the sympathetic nervous system (connects internal organs to the brain by spinal nerves), and is considered an acute response to stress. While this reaction is a human survival reaction in the form of heightened arousal, when this happens regularly – even in the form of triggers from past trauma – it becomes challenging to return to a regulated and calm state.

There are many ways to counteract stored trauma and rebalance our nervous system, such as body-based therapies. These include trauma-informed yoga, somatic therapy (connecting mind and body), and other methods to establish calm, regulation, and feelings of safety.

If you are interested in delving further into this topic, here is a link to a page with a great book, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., as well as workbooks to complement the reading of the book: https://amzn.to/3Pym8l1 

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Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours *

Let it RAIN

March 30, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Hello All,

Thanks for being here. 🙂

RAIN is an acronym for a healing, meditative system for mindfulness and compassion regarding behaviours and thoughts that might be rooted in fear or other feelings. It stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture. This is especially beneficial for those who are survivors of narcissistic abuse or other dysfunctional relationships because it is a gentle process that can be carried out alone and at any choice of pace.

The way it works is simple. We may at some point become aware, to whatever degree, of patterns of behaviour and thoughts that we are engaging in.  There could be a catalyst that brings us to this awareness. Maybe we just had a massive blow-up with our partner or a friend. Maybe we always feel like a failure despite clear evidence to the contrary. It could be anything, or nothing at all. We may have simply arrived at this point of awareness and we’re ready to look more deeply at it. From here, we begin to recognize what might be happening. We are acknowledging  that something is negatively affecting us. And we need to ask ourselves some questions from a non-judgmental state. Are we trying to control everything; to micromanage ourselves and others? Are we unintentionally harming ourselves or important relationships with others through challenging behaviours that also affect them? These are just a couple of questions we may ask ourselves but it will all depend on what we are doing and thinking, and in what context.  This doesn’t need to be a full-blown self-inquiry. It can look like quiet but intentional thoughts or even a whisper.

The next step is to allow ourselves this state of recognition, without trying to understand it or label it. Just sit peacefully with it, in the absence of judgement or blame.  This is somewhat of a purposeful pause in order to allow for deeper levels of attention.  Fear might be showing itself. Anxiety may be hovering. We can allow ourselves to quietly observe anything that arises and acknowledge its presence within ourselves or certain situations.

Next is the investigative phase. Here, we can move on to investigating more about why we might be engaging in certain behaviours that may be causing issues for us. This is an opportunity for us to listen to our body and what it might be feeling. As the saying goes, “the issues are in our tissues”. Our bodies hold a record of our thoughts and emotions, good and bad. For example, is there tightness or discomfort in certain areas? If so, what do you think might be behind this; fear, anxiety, anger, hurt? Then ask a few simple questions. What is it that we believe about ourselves or situations that results in patterns of certain thoughts and behaviours that are not beneficial? Do we do “fill in the blank” out of fear? Are we concerned about losing control and having our worst fears come to fruition? Do we have childhood trauma from toxic role models and so we unconsciously act on messages that were unjustifiably funnelled to us as children, such as inadequacy, that we’re unlovable, abandonment, rejection, fear, and so on? Do we project unresolved, fear-based feelings from past experiences and relationships onto current relationships, inadvertently causing conflict in the present?

Lastly, we move to the nurturing process of the RAIN system. Here is the space where we show ourselves compassion and love after recognizing that we are suffering in some way. We need to ask our inner selves what is needed. Is it reassurance? Is it forgiveness? Is it engaging more in connections with others?  Then we actively provide that care to ourselves. “You’re okay.” “This isn’t your fault”. “Trust yourself”. “It’s okay to reach out for connection”.

After the four RAIN steps have been completed, it’s important to simply feel our own presence and awareness. Hold onto that meditative state for as long as you need to. We don’t need to self-limit ourselves and our lives because of fear or other heavy feelings. We can seek them out within ourselves, sit with the new awareness, acknowledge our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, and then nurture ourselves. In this process, we have the potential to move to new and improved spaces in our lives through self-acceptance, understanding, and compassion.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and Twitter

References
Brach, T. (2020, January 1). RAIN: A practice of radical compassion. Tara Brach. https://www.tarabrach.com/rain-practice-radical-compassion/

 

 

Attachment in a Dysfunctional Family

March 12, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Hi All,

I thought it might be beneficial to write a post about attachment within dysfunctional families, particularly with narcissists.

Attachment theory is based in psychology and looks at the relationship between a primary caregiver and their baby.  There are different stages of attachment, moving from birth to around two years of age.  Although there are four defined styles of attachment, both avoidant and dismissive attachment are the most common for children of narcissists.  These are insecure attachments, as compared to secure attachment with caregivers on which a child can depend.

Avoidant attachment involves a style of the child showing absolutely no preference for their caregiver or a complete stranger.  Often, this is created by caregivers who are neglectful and/or abusive.

Disorganized attachment looks like a mixture of behaviour, seeming at times confused or disoriented.  Due to caregivers who have made a child fearful of them, this style can result in the desire to defend oneself while still wanting to reach out to and form attachments with others.

Beyond the age of two, avoidant attachment often includes avoidance of seeking help from others because the individual needed to learn to be independent when their caregiver was never there for them.  Disorganized attachment individuals may display disassociation and/or symptoms of PTSD.

As adults, these attachment patterns, which formed at a young age, stay with us.  This often results in the recreation of these attachment/relationship styles throughout our lives, particularly in romantic interactions.  They shape how we see ourselves and others.

With insecure attachments, we may have more stress hormones, negative self-perception, and difficulties with emotions, cognition, and behaviour.  Anxiety, depression, and PTSD are also common outcomes.

So, where does this leave us?  When we become aware of these attachment styles and how they can impact us on many levels, we can learn to get out in front of them.  We can change our perspectives and perceptions.  We have the power and the tools to overcome these patterns.  Two of the main things we need are awareness and a desire to improve our situation.  Stop and think when an automatic response to a situation arises within: why is it that I’m feeling this way?  Is it a lifetime habit based in my childhood?  Is there another, more positive and healthy reaction that could be chosen?  What are the actual feelings at play here, rather than habitual reactions?

There is hope.  It can and does get better.  Here’s a link to a book on the subject: https://amzn.to/3JcVfid.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and Twitter

 

New Online Program Being Created

February 26, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Hi All,

Hope this finds you well.  Thanks to everyone who has recently joined the mailing list and to the increasing numbers of people who are touching down on the website.

Just letting you know that I’m working on a new program to be offered online.  I’ll post an announcement once it’s up and running.  I think it will be a beneficial program, and I’m looking forward to launching it in the next few months.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Twitter

 

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