Tag: hypervigilance (Page 5 of 8)

Scapegoats and Seedlings

April 17, 2024 / / 0 Comments

This little seedling is one of many that I have started for the upcoming growing season. She’s a red Bell pepper plant.

So, you may be wondering, what does a tiny, wee seedling have to do with scapegoats?

In my scapegoat experience, and from what I’ve heard from many, many other people, when we become aware of narcissism affecting our lives, we are led to make some difficult but important decisions. The main decision is rooted in the question of, “Where do I go from here?”. Will we maintain the status quo? Will we put up boundaries? Will we take steps to protect ourselves?

For me, I chose the protection option in the form of low contact and, eventually, no contact. And when I cut those ties, it freed me in ways I had never imagined possible. Without abuse, without being controlled, without being mentally and physically exhausted, I COULD FINALLY HAVE A CHANCE TO BE ME, whoever that turned out to be. I had never had an opportunity to really know myself outside of who I was told and controlled to be.

And that freedom from the choice I made felt like a completely fresh start. It felt like, even as an adult, a seed had been planted and it represented a new chapter in my life. I needed to give it optimal conditions and the best chance to germinate and grow into what it was meant to be. It was scary at times. Why? Because some seeds just don’t germinate. Germination rate: “The rate literally refers to the number of out 100 (or more) seeds which germinate successfully within an acceptable period of time” (West Coast Seeds, 2018). And then, if that seed (me) did germinate, could I ensure that it (I) would grow and thrive?

I won’t say that it was easy to get through the germination and early growing phases. At times, it felt like the best conditions couldn’t be maintained. I wanted to throw in the towel more than once. But my goal was to see this through and to find out what my full potential could be. I’m not there yet, and, honestly, I think we, as humans, will always be working toward greater potential. That’s a big part of life. However, where I’m at now is really great. The seed germinated,I grew (and continue to grow), and I’m thriving.

Out of darkness, through major challenges, and against a lot of odds, I chose a new start for myself. It felt exhilarating and terrifying all at once. But as time has gone on, I’ve gotten better and better at ensuring that the conditions I’m growing and thriving in are as close to optimal as is possible, just like I’m doing for the Bell peppers and other seedlings in my care.

So, unlike seeds, we don’t have someone cover us with soil, add some water, put grow lights over our heads and maybe a little heater off to the side, and then watch to be sure we make it to full-grown status, but when we move on from abuse and start anew, we have an opportunity to grow ourselves. And if we have people in our lives that can help us to sprout and grow, that support is always beneficial. As to what we can do for ourselves, there’s self-care, growth mindset (haha, pun intended), belief in ourselves and our new journey, good nutrition, exercise, adequate sleep, stress management, and maybe some coaching and/or therapy. And that all helps to create wellness that allows our potential to germinate, grow, and thrive. How absolutely cool is that?!

Keep growing, my friends!

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching and Wellness

naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, X (formerly Twitter)

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

References

West Coast Seeds. (2018, June 7). Germination Rate. West Coast Seeds. https://www.westcoastseeds.com/blogs/glossary/germination-rate

Some Ways to Wellness

March 25, 2024 / / 0 Comments

A great focus for anyone, at any age, is that of wellness. “Wellness is a holistic integration of physical, mental, and spiritual well-being, fueling the body, engaging the mind, and nurturing the spirit” (Stoewen, DL, 2017).

Whether we’re experiencing abuse or are under a serious stress load, struggling with health issues, or simply want to work towards being as well as possible, wellness is for anyone and everyone. It’s the conscious act of self-care that gets us there.

When it comes to being in an abusive situation, aiming for wellness is particularly beneficial. The trouble with this environment, though, is that it may be tremendously difficult to work towards wellness because of a lack of resources, feeling constantly fatigued, having a large number of daily responsibilities and problems to cope with, and a variety of other factors. This will vary from person to person. However, the flip side is that wellness provides a solid base for strength on all levels – physical, mental, and spiritual – and this can help us to keep putting one foot in front of the other in the face of adversity.

So, how do we bring wellness to our lives, especially if we’re currently experiencing some form of abuse? One path is to simply reach for it wherever and whenever we can, even if it seems like baby steps. Nutrition is one way. Fresh fruits and veggies are an ideal snack, side dish, or dessert, but canned and frozen still contain the nutrients. Eating as healthfully as possible under our current circumstances can make a big difference. Avoiding over-processed foods and “junk foods” can definitely help us feel better. They may bring some of us temporary emotional comfort but, in the end, they can make us feel worse while exacerbating the emotional eating cycle. If finances are a barrier, food banks are an option. There are also a variety of companies that offer daily mystery packages of baked goods, dairy products, meats, and fruit items at extremely low prices in order to avoid food waste. Staying hydrated is also incredibly important, with water being at the top of the list. Nutrition helps our bodies and minds to function better.

Exercise is another great way to work towards wellness. Do what you love! That may be jogging, cycling, skiing, skateboarding, tennis, soccer, basketball, walking (particularly in nature…fresh air can work wonders), or any number of other activities. All we need to do is move our bodies. One program that I’ve found very beneficial is called ‘Walk at Home’ (Instagram: @walkathome; Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WalkAtHomeOfficial; Website: https://walkathome.com/). It’s in the style of a full-body walking workout that you can easily find on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVl6ZdslZz2Zj-34bMJFPbg). The founder is Leslie Sansone; she’s very motivational, knowledgeable, and easy to listen to, as are the other fitness leaders who offer instruction within ‘Walk at Home’. The program offers a variety of routines to choose from and you can tailor them to your needs. Some are 15 or 20 minutes, others are 45. The longer ones are broken into 15-minute sections that are each equivalent to one mile so that you can easily choose how far and for how long you want to participate. Resistance bands are a part of some of the programming, which provides additional strength training. All of this can be done in a small space and is geared towards all ages and all levels of ability.

Other forms of working towards or maintaining wellness include journalling, meditation, yoga, engaging in hobbies we enjoy, spending time in nature, volunteering, reading, and so on. Also, if we’re in need of professional help for our emotional and/or mental state, we can reach out. Many counsellors and therapists offer subsidized or sliding-scale fees. See your general practitioner doctor for referrals to psychiatrists that may be covered by government health plans. There are also a variety of free or low-cost mental wellness apps available. Also, look up support groups on Facebook or other platforms for an opportunity to gain insight, knowledge, and to reinforce that we are not alone. There are so many options available…we just need to seek them out.

And sleep…this is a crucial part of wellness. But between stress, worry, and maybe even an abuser who keeps us from getting enough rest, sleep can be elusive. That means that we need to make a conscious effort to get as much sleep as possible. Once we are sleep-deprived, it’s much more difficult to bounce back. So keeping on top of our sleep needs matters. And it matters a lot. According to the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute, “[s]leep deficiency can interfere with work, school, driving, and social functioning. You might have trouble learning, focusing, and reacting. Also, you might find it hard to judge other people’s emotions and reactions. Sleep deficiency also can make you feel frustrated, cranky, or worried in social situations” (NHLBI, 2022).

Wellness is integral to us as human beings. When we’re in a rough patch of our life journey, it can be difficult to maintain it, but this is the very time that we need to cling to whatever self-care measures we can. An apple here, a walk there, water as often as possible, reading a few pages of a book, a few stretches when we get out of bed…every little bit helps to contribute to our overall wellness. And even smiling can have amazing benefits: “The feel-good neurotransmitters—dopamine, endorphins and serotonin—are all released when a smile flashes across your face as well. This not only relaxes your body, but it can also lower your heart rate and blood pressure” (Stevenson, 2012). And when we achieve any level of holistic wellness, it enhances our lives and provides us with strength to face whatever challenges may come our way. It’s empowering and enriching. So, even if we have to do it in baby steps, wellness benefits all of us.

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching and Wellness

naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and X (Twitter)

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours *

References

National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute. (2022, March 24). Sleep Deprivation and Deficiency – What Are Sleep Deprivation and Deficiency? | NHLBI, NIH. www.nhlbi.nih.gov. https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/sleep-deprivation#:~:text=Sleep%20deficiency%20can%20interfere%20with

Stevenson, S. (2012, June 25). There’s Magic in Your Smile | Psychology Today Canada. www.psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201206/there-s-magic-in-your-smile

Stoewen, DL. Dimensions of wellness: Change your habits, change your life. Can Vet J. 2017 Aug;58(8):861-862. PMID: 28761196; PMCID: PMC5508938.

One Foot In Front Of the Other: Self-care Matters

March 18, 2024 / / 0 Comments

One of the most important things any of us can do for ourselves when we’re dealing with abuse or stress is to take care of ourselves. It may feel like we don’t matter enough or we’re too busy or whatever the reason may be, but the truth is that we need to stay strong in all ways.

How do we do that? We pay attention to the most important factors: adequate sleep, good nutrition, physical exercise, and coping with stress as well as we can. What might that look like? Trying to keep our sleep schedule on track (8 hours is a good marker), eating as well as we can (fruits, vegetables, protein, drinking water, etc.), fitting in walks or any form of exercise that we can manage, and doing our best to manage whatever stress may be going on in our lives.

It’s not always easy to take good care of ourselves. That’s a fact. When we’re worn down from the challenges of toxic people or we have heavy stresses in our daily lives that aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, it’s often difficult to put one foot in front of the other. But every little bit of self-care effort is beneficial. No matter how small it may seem, whatever we can manage will benefit us. We need to focus on it wherever possible, cling to it if it needs to happen that way. Whatever we can do to keep ourselves as strong as possible will make a difference, even if it’s sometimes slight or barely perceptible.

When we make even the simplest of efforts to care for ourselves, our minds sense it, our bodies feel it, our spirits soak it up. And then it becomes easier to continue the trend. It feels good mentally, physically, and spiritually. It reminds us that we matter and we’re worth it, regardless of what’s going on around us. And that provides a sense of empowerment, self-worth, and strength that helps us keep going.

So, no matter where we’re at on any given day, it’s important to care for ourselves. It isn’t selfish or wasteful. It’s necessary. No matter how small the effort may be, it matters. We matter. One foot in front of the other. We can do this. ❤️

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching and Wellness

www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and X

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

How does the narcissist move on so quickly?

February 23, 2024 / / 1 Comment

When we split from our narcissistic partner, how can they so easily and quickly move on to someone new? That’s a question many of us have asked ourselves.

First of all, narcissists typically aren’t happy being on their own. Being single might, to them, signify being “less than”, and that isn’t how they do things. Their egos need constant bolstering. So they may spend time actively pursuing several people in their quest for a new partner, or jump straight into a new relationship.

Secondly, their depth of emotion is different than that of others. “Love”, to them, means someone giving them what they need on all levels. It isn’t usually about loving someone else, but, rather, being loved or adored or worshipped. It’s a shallow concept for narcissists, that doesn’t require time or growth; it’s simply about love-bombing their target so that real love and adulation comes back to them as soon as possible. We’ve likely figured out their games so they need to find someone who’s unaware of who they are. Love-bombing and mirroring help them to draw someone new into their trap, and it means that they don’t have to make any personal changes in order to be in a relationship.

Lastly, brain scans of people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder show that they have less brain matter in areas associated with emotional empathy (Derksen, 2019). When we break up with a narcissist (or vice versa because we’ve been discarded), they won’t feel truly saddened by the event or be sorry or accountable for any of their actions. Angry and vengeful are more apt to be their go-to responses, or behaving as though they never knew us. They just move on to someone new and appear to have forgotten our entire shared history (which is likely something that would benefit us as non-narcissists, except that we aren’t built that way). Then, they often add in smear campaigns. That’s because they need us to be the villains of the story since they won’t accept that responsibility.

So, yes, narcissists typically move on from relationships quickly and easily. There are a variety of factors at play but the above three are some of the main ones. And that’s okay if they do things that way. We feel our emotions and need to process break-ups differently. However, letting go of what the narcissist is doing and who they’re now with is the best thing we can do for our wellbeing while we’re working through it. And, no, there is nothing wrong with us simply because they moved on quickly. We loved a narcissist. They’ve moved onto something new. That’s what they do. We aren’t a part of the equation. 2 + 2 = narcissistic behaviour.

As usual, here are some book suggestions: https://amzn.to/4bLozKa

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and X

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

References

Derksen, S. (2019, May 17). Seeing Narcissism in the Brain. Dr. Syras Derksen. https://drsyrasderksen.com/seeing-narcissism-in-the-brain.html

The Chatter Behind Our Backs – Scapegoat Stories

February 15, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Yes, narcissists and other toxic people will talk to outsiders about us scapegoats negatively when our backs are turned. During relationships and after a fallout, they will share our personal information and speak negatively about us with others. They’ll create smear campaigns full of lies about us. We may never be the wiser about it, either. They may have their flying monkeys do their dirty work and appear to be squeaky clean themselves. A comment to a FM here, a comment there, and next thing we know (or not), there’s a story swirling around out there about us. Someone might mention it directly to us because they want to berate us for whatever the lies entail. Others might just spread it around more. Gossip mills are hellish things.

Some stories, we may never even hear about. But we may know there’s one going the rounds because some people may have stopped speaking to us, or they’re acting strangely…maybe they’re even outright hostile towards us. No matter how it happens, this will likely be challenging to wrap our heads around. Especially the first time it happens and we realize who is behind it. And, no matter how we try to cover up our emotions about it, it hurts. It’s such a major betrayal and loss of trust.

There isn’t any simple way to prepare for the shock and bewilderment that go along with being betrayed by someone we thought we could trust. In the end, we can consider the source, accept that some people who hear lies will believe crap about us and therefore obviously aren’t worth worrying about, and be grateful for those who know who we truly are. Extra gratitude is due to those who will defend us and shut down the gossip-spreader when they happen to be on the receiving end of a bs story about us!

There is no doubt that being betrayed by someone close to us is a difficult experience, particularly if we hadn’t yet realized their narcissistic tendencies. But let’s look at the pros: Bright red flags about that person that can’t be ignored; we now know what this person is capable of and that they shouldn’t be trusted in the future; if we stay in contact with the individual, we should likely be prepared for similar events going forward; we can even more appreciate the people who do have our backs and would never even consider betraying us; we’re stronger and wiser for our experience, which is empowering.

Overall, we should hold our head high and live our life well. As the saying goes, what other people think about us is none of our business. But when it comes to close people in our life who betray us, we need to maintain awareness and make informed decisions about how we feel about them and their actions. We have the right to protect ourselves, even when it’s someone from whom we truly shouldn’t have to protect ourselves. It’s one of those ‘it is what it is’ situations, and we each need to choose our path once our eyes have been opened.

As always, seek professional help if you are struggling to cope with betrayal, trust-breaking, or other challenging events.

Here’s a book suggestion regarding betrayal: https://amzn.to/3UZDg6D

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, X

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

The Narcissistic Tactic of Baiting

February 14, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Narcissists often engage in behaviours aimed at eliciting strong emotional reactions from others, including trying to provoke them into getting upset. This can serve several purposes for the narcissist, such as gaining a sense of power or control over the other person, deflecting attention away from their own shortcomings or insecurities, or simply deriving satisfaction from seeing others react emotionally. It’s part of their manipulation tactics and can be a way for them to maintain their sense of superiority or dominance in relationships.

Baiting can occur during a conversation in which we have inquired of a narcissistic individual regarding some aspect of their behaviour (possible response to a question directed to a narcissist: “Why are you worried about what I’m doing when your life is so obviously a huge mess?”). They may be trying to hide something or explain away their actions, and so they will turn the spotlight on us (example response: “I don’t know what you’re talking about; maybe you should worry more about your pathetic need to question me”). If they are successful in getting an emotional reaction by upsetting us, then the focus will be on us rather than them. They might bring up a past event or personal issue that was challenging for us, or maybe something that they have decided to accuse us of, and so on. Their goal is to find something…anything that they believe will be likely to trigger an emotional reaction from us.

One of the best ways to respond to being baited is no response at all, if it is safe to do so. Behave as though that bait was not even put in front of you. See it for what it is and choose not to give it any energy. Or simply an unemotional response (grey rock method) will often work. Narcissists thrive on the emotionally upset reactions of others, especially when it creates a distraction from their own issues. And it allows them to feel superior when someone else is, for instance, giving way to their emotions as a result of being baited. So, where possible, it’s most beneficial not to give them those emotional reactions to use to their advantage. When we grow our awareness of this type of tactic, it makes it easier to spot and respond calmly (or not at all). We can empower and protect ourselves with awareness. Plus, a subdued reaction is better for our own emotional and physical wellbeing. Healthy blood pressure and heart rate levels from staying calm can benefit our overall health. And not feeling emotionally overloaded is definitely a plus.

As always, if you feel as though you may be dealing with a narcissist and you are struggling to cope, seek out professional help and take steps to keep yourself safe.

Here’s some ideas for fidget/anxiety jewellery to keep us grounded when we’re attempting to stay calm or settle ourselves: https://amzn.to/3ULN18l

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and X

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

The Journey To Self: Scapegoat Style

February 10, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Within a dysfunctional, narcissistic family, when we think about breaking ties with one or both of our parents, or maybe our entire family of origin, many questions tend to arise. Will I go low contact or no contact? How will I make it happen? Will there be backlash? Will anyone care that I’m cutting down on communication with them or cutting them off altogether? How will I get along without them? And so the questions will go.

For me, personally, I realized that I had almost entirely lost any semblance of the self I thought I knew and was also truly at a point where I thought I might have a breakdown. Other people in my life needed me to be whole and there for them, though. Regardless of the fact that, at that time, I didn’t really care about myself, I couldn’t just give up. So, although my life had been spent with the imposed requirement of putting everyone else’s needs and feelings before (or entirely to the exclusion of) my own, I finally realized that I couldn’t pour from an empty cup. I also couldn’t continue on in fight, flight, or fawn mode because it was taking its toll on my body and mind. And I instinctively knew that my first step to self-care needed to be removing myself from environments of toxicity. And that’s what I did. I moved several hours away and never looked back. While I did start out with more of a hopeful, low contact mindset, that eventually moved to no contact because I learned to have self-respect and boundaries, and then had grown less and less tolerant of the abusive behaviour that I had known for so long. Yes, that abusive behaviour continued after I moved away. It continues to this day, but in the form of indirect messages through unsuspecting others. But I’ve learned to see it for what it is and just allow it to slide off me. And, overall, that type of behaviour only serves to reinforce my decision to walk away in the first place.

Let me be clear that none of this was easy…but, for me, it was necessary, and so I moved forward and continued to do so no matter what obstacles stood before me. It took time to work my way through it. There were some incredibly challenging moments on many fronts (emotional, financial, relationships (lost or damaged), C-PTSD, anxiety, depression, etc.). But my intuition — together with a strong unwillingness to ever again experience the type of feelings that go along with being constantly scapegoated and abused — told me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually, genuine peace came into the life I had built, and I started discovering the real ME for the first time ever. I will never let go of that identity or peace for myself or the people who are directly in my life, and if that means remaining no contact with certain individuals, I can easily accept that. Honestly, there isn’t any other option in my mind. I suppose the best way to explain it is that as you take the steps to save yourself (and possibly others, such as children) and to create a better existence, everything else gradually falls into place. It’s a journey well worth taking, in my opinion.

Here are some book recommendations: https://amzn.to/42CgdAz

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and X

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

The Two Faces of Narcissists and Other Toxic People

February 7, 2024 / / 0 Comments

If we happen to be a family scapegoat or in a relationship with an intimate partner or friend who exhibits narcissistic traits, we will likely have seen the two different faces that they sometimes wear.

In private, these individuals can be abusive, hostile, angry, jealous, unpleasant people to be around. They don’t try to appear otherwise, in most cases. They treat us poorly and their attitudes towards us are written all over their faces and in their body language.

But, often, when we are in public with these same individuals, their entire demeanour, facial expressions, and body language will suddenly change for the better. If other people are in the vicinity, these individuals — who couldn’t smile at us in private to save their lives — are now smiling, sweet, and pleasant to everyone, including we scapegoats. They appear to be the wonderful, loving parent, partner, friend, and so on. But the key word here is ‘appear’.

The public display of niceness is an act. It’s all about appearances and putting on a show so that outsiders are kept in the dark about who these individuals are in their personal relationships. A narcissistic parent wouldn’t want the world to know that they regularly tell their scapegoat daughter, for example, that she’s unattractive, unintelligent, and unlikeable. The intimate partner tries to avoid outsiders knowing that, for instance, although they look attentive, gentle, and helpful with their children, they do absolutely nothing to pull their weight in any way in private. Toxic friends will appear to be bonded to scapegoated friends when they’re out, but smear campaigns may be building behind the scenes.

The ‘nice’ facade can be unsettling and confusing for scapegoats. “This person just screamed at me in the car on the way to the concert, but now they’re behaving as though we’re a loving family while we’re out around other people”. That might be the type of observation we make, and it can be disorienting. And then when we’re back in private with them, they revert to their toxic selves once again. It can be a roller coaster ride.

But once we recognize that it’s all an act, it gets easier to ride out the ups and downs. Narcissists typically want the world to see them in a bright and shiny way. They want respect, adulation, compliments, and other great things from people. Those things feed their fragile egos. In private, with their scapegoat(s) and enablers, they can pull off the mask and behave in whatever way they want. They have created the perfect environment in which to abuse people and get away with it so why would they bother to make any effort to be nice in that space? Plus, if they behave one way in private, and another way in public, people would be less likely to believe a scapegoat who tries to get help or vent. “But your ‘fill-in-the-blank’ is so kind and nice! How could you say that about them? What’s wrong with you?”. Not everyone would react this way, but many would because they are unaware of the dynamics at play.

In the end, we need to remember that there are two faces to most narcissistically-inclined individuals. And we can’t be fooled into thinking that the ‘nice’ act will continue in private or that these people have suddenly and permanently changed for the better. That’s a very rare occurrence. It’s all a show to keep others from seeing the truth.

As with most things, there will be toxic and/or narcissistic individuals who don’t fit into the typical mold of behaviours. They may be blatantly unpleasant with everyone in their surroundings and couldn’t care less what people think of them (overt narcissists). But it seems that many tend to be covert with their actions. They want to ensure that an impressive persona is created for outsiders. Appearances are everything to them because their egos depend on it.

The bottom line is that awareness is key with these behaviours. Scapegoats can’t continually ride out those emotions that can go along with behaviour changes in narcissists and others. That would be exhausting. The best thing to do is see things as they are. Otherwise, we would always be hoping and then being let down and hurt over and over again, which is emotionally draining. Awareness, self-care, self-love, and growth mindset are beneficial.

Here are some reading recommendations: https://amzn.to/4bnDES5

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and TikTok

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

Narcissists and and the Basics of Scapegoating

January 31, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Narcissists often have a strong need for admiration, validation, and a sense of superiority. They may engage in behaviors that make them feel better about themselves and maintain a grandiose self-image. Scapegoating is one such behavior where a person is unjustly blamed and targeted for problems or shortcomings within a group or relationship.

In the context of narcissism, scapegoating can serve the narcissist’s need for superiority by deflecting blame and maintaining their self-esteem. By designating someone as a scapegoat, narcissists may feel a temporary boost in their own self-worth, as they can attribute problems or failures to the targeted individual rather than acknowledging their own shortcomings.

It’s important to note that not all narcissists engage in scapegoating, and individuals with narcissistic traits may express their need for superiority in various ways. Scapegoating is just one potential manifestation of this behavior. Additionally, narcissistic tendencies exist on a spectrum, and individuals may exhibit different degrees of narcissistic traits.

Understanding and dealing with narcissistic behavior can be challenging, and it’s often recommended to seek professional help if you’re dealing with a relationship involving narcissistic dynamics.

As always, here are some reading recommendations: https://amzn.to/3SGd1Ay

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, X

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

Where’s the Justice?

January 30, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Question: Where’s the justice when we’ve been abused by a narcissist or other toxic individual? ⚖️

Well, let’s give this some thought. Overall, toxic and narcissistic people won’t accept accountability or apologize for anything…ever. That’s just how they roll. And if you pushed them to admit to their abusive behaviour or to issue an apology, there’s a fairly high chance that they’d gaslight you and toss out even more emotional and other abuse. And unless they’ve broken the law, we (unfortunately) can’t have them arrested for simply being who they are.

Here’s the thing: we need to give ourselves justice. How do we do that? Through learning and empowering ourselves about toxic behaviours and how we were impacted, and by healing ourselves, growing through self-care and personal development, and then thriving in our lives. We let go of thinking about our abuser and the what’s and why’s of their actions. We find ourselves. We find peace. We find purpose and fulfillment. That’s our justice. We prioritize our healing and we move forward on our journey.

Learn, Heal, Grow, Thrive

And if we need a little extra notion of justice, consider what it’s like to be a toxic individual. At some point, they, too have been damaged and they’ve emerged from it angry, messed up, and lost. By choice, they aren’t working on themselves, and their miserable lives continue that way as a result. (Some) hurt people hurt people. Not making excuses for abuse or toxic people in any way. It’s just reality. They’re broken people.

We need to remember that we have the option of giving ourselves justice through learning, healing, growing, and thriving. Talk about a superpower!

Here are some reading recommendations: https://amzn.to/3SjRsV1

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and TikTok

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

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