Holistic Health is the focus for healing and wellness at Natural Clarity Coaching.
Spiritual, physical, mental, emotional and social. It’s a whole person approach based on how we interact with our environment. The focus is on the mind-body-spirit connection.
If this approach to health interests you (whether it be in healing from narcissistic abuse, making significant life changes, placing a new emphasis on nutrition and exercise, learning about emotional intelligence, etc.) and you would like more information or to schedule an online or telephone appointment, the contact email is na********************@***il.com. Touch base and find out how we can work together towards improving and maintaining your holistic health.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
One form of personal growth involves engaging in continuing education. Lifelong learning keeps your mind open, provides you with newfound knowledge or additions to current knowledge, and offers the opportunity to put what you have learned to use in your own life and beyond.
Just today, I’m proud to say that I completed an online course to build on my knowledge of CBT or Cognitive Behavioural Technique (a big help in the battle against self-sabotage and negative thinking, and also offers guidance with mastering emotions and positively reprogramming the mind!). It’s very rewarding to receive a new certificate, especially when it enriches my ability to help others. Next up and waiting for me is a more detailed Health and Nutrition course to add to my current education on the subject.
Continuing education can increase confidence, job opportunities, networking and a host of other pluses. It can also help us to grow and expand ourselves.
The courses or programs we choose to engage in run the gamut of topics, especially in this day and age of online learning. Aiming for a subject that interests us and that we’re passionate about can make the entire process more attractive and enjoyable, too.
So, if you’re considering ways to continue your education, retrain, or simply take an interest course or courses, I recommend going for it. Personal growth is always positive and beneficial.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
Music has always been a big part of my life. Listening to it, performing it on the piano, composing it.
From a very young age, the piano became one of my best friends. Happy times, sad times and everything in between, it was always there for me. Playing the piano is definitely cathartic for me. I inevitably feel more positive both during and after engaging with those 88 keys, whether I play for 5 minutes or 60.
Beyond being a musician myself, I have also always loved listening to music. It has the ability to affect me on so many levels. I can just as easily appreciate a Chopin piano concerto as I can a song in the Top 40 charts (or pretty much anything in between).
Having something to engage in that you enjoy and are maybe even passionate about can have amazingly beneficial effects on your life. If you already know what that is, try to hang onto it. Even make some additions of new ones if you want. We can never have too many things in our lives that bring us happiness. If you haven’t yet discovered something that fulfills you and creates a fairly consistent positive space in your life, maybe it’s time to start looking.
When we need a quick pick-me-up, DIY therapy in any form can be helpful. It could be a hobby of some kind. Maybe it’s taking up a new recreational activity, sitting down to read a book or registering for an online course. Even if it’s simply self-care in the form of a bubble bath or a walk, or just taking a few minutes to do a crossword puzzle – whatever it may be, if it brings you some positivity, makes you feel better and/or creates some much-needed relaxation (whatever it is that you need in the moment), do that.
It helps to have something that brings us joy on some level and gives us a safe place to turn when we need it. This is also a great way to stay in touch with ourselves (especially if we happen to be in any type of relationship with a narcissistically-inclined individual). What that activity is, is a matter of personal choice. The end goal is the same for all of us – make sure to take the time to do something that makes us feel good. So, what’s your DIY therapy? 🙂
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
Most of us who have ultimately realized that we are dealing with a narcissist in a romantic relationship will question how this person was able to sneak past our defences. Just how exactly did we not notice from the start? How is it possible for us to have missed the truth of who this disordered individual really is?
First of all, try not to blame yourself. Honestly, it’s not a failing on our part. It’s not as though narcissists show their true colors from the get-go. And if they do happen to slip up and drop their mask somewhat and their real behaviour comes through for a brief moment now and then in the early stages of a relationship, we tend to overlook it or explain it away (they are also incredibly good at making light of their actions and convincing us of it). Everyone makes mistakes, right? This person seems so great – we all have our moments, don’t we? Our kind and forgiving traits, which we should be proud of, are used against us in this case. We give people the benefit of the doubt; however, some people don’t deserve it. We just don’t realize it yet.
Here’s the way narcissists worm their way into our lives and our hearts – they mirror us. What does that mean, you might ask. It means that they observe us: our beliefs, morals, values, behaviour, likes, dislikes, and then they become somewhat of a reflection of us. This works for the narcissist because on the surface we see someone who *appears* to have a lot in common with us. A kindred spirit, if you will. So, naturally, we feel an attraction and begin to put our trust in them. Then we find ourselves falling in love with them. And, bam, just like that, we’re deep in it. From there – guess what – when the narcissist’s true self begins to emerge (and it always does because they can only ‘act’ for so long), we’re in a state of confusion. We want to continue to believe that this person is who we think they are, despite them beginning to show a different side of themselves. And by this point, we’re determined to stand by this person and what we think we have been building with them, the seeming ‘love of our life’, even as their mask begins to slip and they allow their true self to come through. They know that we’re hooked (and sometimes all in on a financial level, or we now share assets, or there are children involved who we don’t want to upset, and so on) and that we’ll likely tolerate increasingly poor behaviour because we are of the mindset that it’s most likely only temporary. Oh, he’s just having a bad day and that’s why he did that, or, oh, she didn’t mean that cruel thing she just said.
You may be wondering if it’s possible to see through the narcissist’s ‘act’ before we’re potentially damaged by them in any or all ways. Taking things slowly in the early stages (and beyond for as long as we feel it will take, if we so choose) of a romantic relationship can allow us time to truly get to know someone and possibly see any red flags that might pop up. Keeping assets separate and children outside of the attachment zone are also protective measures. Narcissists can’t keep up the charade indefinitely. That’s why they try to draw us into whirlwind romances and make things happen as quickly as possible. Our best line of defence in a new relationship is to not allow ourselves to be rushed, and to take things at a pace that we’re comfortable with, all while keeping our eyes and ears wide open. That doesn’t mean being paranoid and suspicious – it means being aware and honest with yourself about what you are observing.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
No matter what life may throw at us, one of our best lines of defence is making healthy lifestyle choices. Those include consuming nutritional food and beverages, regular exercise, sufficient sleep, stress management and self-care. Vitamin/mineral supplements can also be beneficial in many cases but it is advisable to discuss anything of this nature with a physician in order to ensure that it is a safe choice in your unique case.
When it comes to making healthy lifestyle choices, they don’t need to be extreme in order to make a difference. Doing things in moderation is typically the way to go. It’s also quite possible to implement choices that are likeable and enjoyable. When we enjoy what we eat and the things that we do for our wellbeing, it makes the whole process of having and maintaining a healthy lifestyle much less complicated.
I’ll be the first person to say that it can be incredibly challenging to keep healthy lifestyle choices at the top of the priority list in cases of, say, dealing regularly with a narcissistically-inclined individual. When feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and lost, self-care may feel like it takes too much effort or that it’s a lost cause. However, now is EXACTLY the time that healthy lifestyle choices, especially self-care, can help us the most.
The bottom line is that choosing good options for ourselves when it comes to food, beverages, exercise, sleep, stress management and consistent self-care is one of the most positive and beneficial actions we can take, regardless of what is going on around us. These choices, no matter how small or simple we need for them to be at times, are the ones that will fuel our brains, mental wellbeing and bodies every day, which will, in turn, help to maintain the favorable momentum along with promoting and supporting long-term health and wellness.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
Lack of accountability is a major element of narcissism. Why? Because being accountable, in the mind of the narcissist, is tantamount to being ‘wrong’ or ‘imperfect’, which would likely damage their fragile ego. As a result, accountability is not part of their vocabulary when it comes to themselves. Everyone around them, though, is required to be highly accountable for absolutely everything, including the mistakes of the narcissist.
If it isn’t positive, the narcissist wants NOTHING to do with it. Like oil and water, narcissists and accountability don’t mix. In their mind, any negative issue has to be attributable to someone else’s weakness, error or problem. As noted above, at its very root, accountability doesn’t work for narcissists because being ‘wrong’ in the eyes of others or themselves would be too damaging to the ego that they spend every waking moment trying to protect. This is one of the most basic foundations on which narcissism operates. They will deflect being accountable like it might mortally wound them if they don’t. They will outright lie, pass blame, make false accusations, throw a fit; whatever they need to do to push away accountability, they’re usually ready and willing to do so.
Keeping this in mind when dealing with someone you feel may be a narcissist is a very helpful tool. Once you’ve learned to see through all of the deflections and fabrications, you will notice that ego is virtually always behind lack of accountability for something that is clearly attributable to the individual in question. How or if we challenge them on it goes on a case-by-case basis, but ensuring that we don’t accept blame for actions that don’t belong to us helps to avoid future self-esteem issues.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
Today and every day, no matter who you are, I wish you peace in your life. It’s worth its weight in gold.
So, if you’re dealing with narcissists over the holidays and stress is taking its toll, or you’re alone and feeling down, look for peace within yourself. That could mean deep breathing to relax your body and mind, taking a few moments to escape from someone who is causing drama, watching your favourite sitcom or movie, listening to (or playing some) music, taking your dog for a walk or hanging out with your cat. Whatever you need to do to simply relax and find some peace, go for it. Wellness (physical, mental, emotional) comes from within, and it typically grows together with peace, no matter how much or how little.
On this day, regardless of your surroundings, find your inner peace. It may be fleeting or you may be fortunate enough to hang onto it indefinitely, but the key is to find it in the first place and enjoy it while you can. And always remember, corny as it sounds, your life matters – you matter – so be kind to yourself.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, TGIF!!
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
One of the effects that narcissistic individuals tend to have on everyone around them is that their behaviour can have major impacts, typically in a negative way. I liken it to dominoes, where the narcissist’s negativity begins the process by pushing over the first domino in the line, which then bumps and knocks over the next domino, and so on and so forth until all of the dominoes have fallen. Picture the narcissist then smiling because they have controlled the game and ‘won’. All of the dominoes are down and the narcissistic individual stands victorious. Dominoes of dysfunction.
In real life, narcissists often have this type of impact on those around them. Their negativity, manipulation, use of triangulation, and often bad moods radiate out around them to one or more people (dominoes), sometimes unintentionally, but, more often than not, quite intentionally. Why? Because misery loves company. And the more people (dominoes) they can knock down (essentially bringing people down to make themselves feel ‘more than’), the better, as far as they’re concerned. If they can triangulate family members, friends, romantic partners or co-workers (see prior post on triangulation) to create issues between them (siblings triangulated by a parent, romantic partner and new interest, people within their social or employment group, etc.), it gives them the control that they need to manipulate people while still appearing to be the ‘good’ one. Domino after domino (person after person) falls while they stand back and smile at the chaos they’ve created. They might even jump in to reset the dominoes, just in case anyone were to get the idea that they had initiated the sequence of negative events, only to give them another push when they decide to make it happen again.
So, how do we protect ourselves from the narcissistic domino effect in reality? Either 1) defend yourself to the momentum of their negative forces by educating yourself about narcissistic behaviour, along with strengthening yourself with self-care and confidence while taking the power away from the negative behaviour with knowledge (in domino terms, place a gap between yourself and the domino in front of you so that you won’t be impacted, or brace yourself from falling if you’re the first domino in the line), or 2) remove yourself from the game entirely with the use of low contact or no contact (ie. take your domino out of the container and never put it back), if possible.
Once we have educated ourselves about narcissistic behaviour and have seen it for what it is – disordered, dysfunctional and damaged people with fragile egos who are hellbent on protecting their egos from anything and everything – it is possible to better deflect and cope with it. If you have the option of going low contact or no contact, you can then take the time to recover and clear your mind. It’s amazing how much our perception can change without the constant onslaught of drama, manipulation and negative, controlling interactions.
One way or another, we can remove ourselves from the domino effect by ensuring that we are braced and can’t be knocked down or simply by not playing the game.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
