Within a dysfunctional, narcissistic family, when we think about breaking ties with one or both of our parents, or maybe our entire family of origin, many questions tend to arise. Will I go low contact or no contact? How will I make it happen? Will there be backlash? Will anyone care that I’m cutting down on communication with them or cutting them off altogether? How will I get along without them? And so the questions will go.

For me, personally, I realized that I had almost entirely lost any semblance of the self I thought I knew and was also truly at a point where I thought I might have a breakdown. Other people in my life needed me to be whole and there for them, though. Regardless of the fact that, at that time, I didn’t really care about myself, I couldn’t just give up. So, although my life had been spent with the imposed requirement of putting everyone else’s needs and feelings before (or entirely to the exclusion of) my own, I finally realized that I couldn’t pour from an empty cup. I also couldn’t continue on in fight, flight, or fawn mode because it was taking its toll on my body and mind. And I instinctively knew that my first step to self-care needed to be removing myself from environments of toxicity. And that’s what I did. I moved several hours away and never looked back. While I did start out with more of a hopeful, low contact mindset, that eventually moved to no contact because I learned to have self-respect and boundaries, and then had grown less and less tolerant of the abusive behaviour that I had known for so long. Yes, that abusive behaviour continued after I moved away. It continues to this day, but in the form of indirect messages through unsuspecting others. But I’ve learned to see it for what it is and just allow it to slide off me. And, overall, that type of behaviour only serves to reinforce my decision to walk away in the first place.

Let me be clear that none of this was easy…but, for me, it was necessary, and so I moved forward and continued to do so no matter what obstacles stood before me. It took time to work my way through it. There were some incredibly challenging moments on many fronts (emotional, financial, relationships (lost or damaged), C-PTSD, anxiety, depression, etc.). But my intuition — together with a strong unwillingness to ever again experience the type of feelings that go along with being constantly scapegoated and abused — told me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually, genuine peace came into the life I had built, and I started discovering the real ME for the first time ever. I will never let go of that identity or peace for myself or the people who are directly in my life, and if that means remaining no contact with certain individuals, I can easily accept that. Honestly, there isn’t any other option in my mind. I suppose the best way to explain it is that as you take the steps to save yourself (and possibly others, such as children) and to create a better existence, everything else gradually falls into place. It’s a journey well worth taking, in my opinion.

Here are some book recommendations: https://amzn.to/42CgdAz

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching

www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

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*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*