Hi everyone,

It’s so great to see the analytics showing ever-increasing numbers of readers on this website. Beyond the cathartic exercise it is for me, it’s nice to know that other people may be benefiting from it as well.

I wanted to touch on low and no contact with toxic family members or partners. When we make a decision to protect ourselves and set boundaries, particularly with disordered people such as narcissists, there is a high probability that our action of distancing ourselves will not be accepted and will, in fact, result in heightened toxic behaviour. Most narcissistically-inclined individuals, their enablers, and any flying monkeys they may have will almost certainly push hard against any barriers we have created. They will likely also try to guilt-trip and shame us in the hope that we will return to the fold and our role of scapegoat, etc.

Sadly, we shouldn’t hold out too much hope that our efforts may possibly result in positive changes in behaviour for the toxic person or people we are holding at arm’s length. That rarely happens, particularly with narcissists, because they typically refuse to be self-aware or accountable for anything. Quite frankly, they will be more likely to be increasingly abusive and blame us even more than usual if we take a stand against them. They don’t want to lose control of us and they will fight tooth and nail to maintain the status quo.

With going low or no contact, we also need to be prepared to lose enablers of the person or people we are distancing ourselves from. If it’s a toxic parent, we may, temporarily or permanently, lose our other parent (the enabler) as well. Sometimes it’s a sacrifice that needs to be made in order to save ourselves from further harm. It’s difficult and painful but often necessary. A toxic family system never reacts well to someone stirring things up, and then it’s all hands on deck to put things back in order at any cost. I mean, what would they do without their scapegoated black sheep to bear the blame for every problem that the narcissist manufactures?

The bottom line is that when we go no contact or low contact with abusive people, it’s for our benefit … period. Creating that safe space for ourselves is what we need in order to clear away the fog of gaslighting and negativity so that we can clearly hear our own thoughts and and feel our own feelings for a change. That, along with a taste of freedom and peace, can be empowering, which then gives us further strength to move forward in a positive direction while we continue to protect ourselves from toxicity.

No or low contact is an extremely personal choice that should not be made lightly. But know for sure that escaping toxic family or relationship dynamics is never without its benefits.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Twitter