For anyone who has had to deal with a narcissist, you will likely have discovered that they are masterful with smear campaigns when they turn on you. They will tell lies about you to anyone who will listen in an attempt to discredit you and make themselves out to be the innocent victim of your alleged horrific behaviour. Without a doubt, this is a difficult position in which to find yourself. A common knee-jerk reaction tends to be a strong need to clear your name, explain that you haven’t done anything to the complainant, and keep your reputation intact without losing friends or, even worse, family members.

In my experience, the very best response is silence, unless absolutely necessary. The narcissist wants to see you trying to defend yourself so that they can further their case against you. They’ll tell everyone that you’re lying and will put even more effort into playing the victim while attempting to discredit you in an attempt to alienate you from as many people as possible. If you can, don’t respond. Silence is golden.

I once knew a narcissist who tried to destroy me on every level simply because she wanted the small business that I had created. It was a challenging experience that she tried to drag on for quite some time. I learned early in the situation to stay in my lane and quietly wait for people to start catching on to her. It didn’t take long before her lies and extremely toxic behaviour began to garner attention. Soon, she did not have many supporters because they began to see through her routine. Eventually she moved on to other targets but with each attack she launched, more people (flying monkeys) jumped ship. Has she learned anything from these experiences? If she has, it isn’t apparent. In fact, I have heard that her most current campaign is against someone who recently passed away! Their hatred knows no bounds. She continues with the same false stories, looking for sympathy and to damage others; it’s just that no one pays any attention to her now (unless they’re a new pawn in her life). Sadly, it’s rare for narcissists to change. If nothing else, and with a strong awareness of the damage and pain they cause other people, I feel sorry for these disordered individuals. What a way to go through life.

So, in my mind, the best response to a smear campaign is no response, unless it is a case where it is absolutely necessary to do so. Enjoy your life while they do their thing. Picture them as a little narcissistic tornado trapped in a lidded mason jar, spinning angrily with no particular direction. Contained, powerless, wasting energy with the endless swirling vortex of their own unhappiness and need to manipulate and control everything around them. Take that imaginary jar and set it somewhere that you never have to look at it. Then breathe a few deep breaths and move on.

Until next time,

Heather

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