While living in, or after removing yourself from narcissistic abuse from a family member, friend, partner, employer, etc., there are some common outcomes that you might discover in yourself.
- Lack of trust in others. It’s obvious where this comes from. When you’ve been damaged numerous times by someone who should love and care about you, it makes it difficult to go out into the world and trust anyone again. Our minds recall how all of that felt on an emotional level and therefore they attempt to keep us from going through a similar experience in the future. A good suggestion is to surround yourself with people who have proven that they’re trustworthy and understanding. If they aren’t available in-person to spend time with, try to talk on the phone, chat online or send texts/emails. Support groups are a great place to connect if no one trustworthy and supportive is available. Just keep in mind that everyone is at varying stages of recovery at any given time and have their own, unique situations so their approach to healing might not resonate with you. Do what you feel is best for you. No matter what, enjoying a positive sense of community can make a big difference to rebuilding trust in the world around you.
2. Anxiety and Depression. There’s no doubt that many of us are left in a state of anxiety and depression during or following a relationship of any kind with a narcissist. We’ve been constantly badgered, put down, condescended to, insulted, questioned, labelled and damaged. That takes its toll on mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual levels. We may be ruminating over what happened and trying to determine how to move on with our lives. Anxiety and depression are two of the most common mental health issues for people, with or without the involvement of narcissistic abuse. There’s no shame in them. They’re natural. There’s no weakness in reaching out for help. Resources are all around you. People in the helping professions are available to help you get through this. All you need to do is get in touch with them. Both anxiety and depression can potentially be dealt with through self-care, nutrition, exercise, sleep health, stress management and possibly counselling/treatment. If none of that helps, medications are available for whatever duration is required. Again, there is zero shame or weakness in any mental health issue or treatment of it. Never feel ashamed or guilty about mental health concerns or diagnosis. Stigma and attitudinal barriers need to be knocked down and ignored. Get the help you need to move on with finding peace and happiness. This is your life. Don’t let what anyone else thinks influence your choices.
3. Lack of confidence and self-esteem. Yikes…this is a big one. Many people in, or walking away from narcissistic relationships feel invisible, worthless and completely lacking in self-esteem or any kind of confidence. Again, this is common. We need to build ourselves back up through engaging in self-care that reminds us of our worth, spending time doing hobbies that we enjoy, and surrounding ourselves with supportive people, to name just a few. Creating a positive and uplifting mantra that we repeat to ourselves daily can also be a big help. Give yourself regular pats on the back. Remind yourself of how awesome you are! You will eventually feel good about yourself again.
4. Complex PTSD. You may find yourself feeling ‘triggered’ by people, sounds, smells, physical sensations, events, etc. that remind you of the narcissistic abuse. When we’re still in a narcissistic relationship, these triggers can be incredibly strong. Or we may be so desensitized to the abuse that we don’t even recognize them for what they are. If we’re still in a toxic relationship, it’s more difficult to cope with these feelings. Get professional help if it’s at all possible.
Sometimes it can be of assistance when these situations arise after leaving a dysfunctional relationship, to remind ourselves that we are safe. Feeling ‘triggered’ is our body’s way of sounding an alarm. But if we’re out of the unsafe situation, then there’s no need to respond to the alarm as though we are still in it. If these reactions are impacting negatively on our daily lives in a serious way, it may be time to see a professional to help us to better process these memories and let them go. EMDR, brain-spotting, exposure therapy and medications are all possible treatment options to lessen the control of the trauma over our lives. Again, there is absolutely no shame in trauma or reaching out for help.
5. Isolation. We often feel the need to isolate while in a relationship with a narcissist or after being damaged by narcissistic abuse. If you’re still in it and feeling isolated from the rest of the planet, reaching out to outside support systems can help you to avoid the isolation that narcissists tend to want for their victims because we’re much less likely to see the web we’re caught in if there’s no one else there to point it out to us.
If you have left a narcissist and need to be alone off the start, do so. But if isolation becomes something that you prefer over getting out into the world when needed or desired, then it has become a potential problem. There are communities of functional, emotionally healthy people that could be beneficial for your mental health. But, again, you need to reach out. Sometimes stepping outside our comfort zones can lead to great things. Don’t stay forever isolated and cheat yourself of good relationships. You deserve so much more. There are plenty of non-narcissistic people in this world. Listen to your intuition and you’ll find them.
So, there’s just five common outcomes both during and after ending a narcissistic relationship. You are not alone if you are experiencing these feelings. Reach out, believe in yourself and a better future, and know that you won’t feel this way forever.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and Twitter
