Tag: self-confidence

How Trauma Stores in the Body

“Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” ~ Gabor Mate

With trauma of any kind, a mark is left not only on the mind, but also on the body.  The memory of trauma becomes stored in the body as well as the nervous system. This can then lead to both psychological and physiological symptoms which can be overwhelming and fatiguing, as in PTSD and C-PTSD. In turn, emotional and physical exhaustion are common results.

If we’re looking at some of the specific symptoms, they can manifest as:

  • Anxiety, depression, dissociation
  • Triggers
  • Flashbacks, nightmares, difficulty sleeping
  • Paranoia
  • Hypervigilance
  • Migraines
  • Chronic pain

When experiencing a traumatic event, our body is triggered to fight, flee, or fawn (trying to please someone to avoid conflict). This comes from within the sympathetic nervous system (connects internal organs to the brain by spinal nerves), and is considered an acute response to stress. While this reaction is a human survival reaction in the form of heightened arousal, when this happens regularly – even in the form of triggers from past trauma – it becomes challenging to return to a regulated and calm state.

There are many ways to counteract stored trauma and rebalance our nervous system, such as body-based therapies. These include trauma-informed yoga, somatic therapy (connecting mind and body), and other methods to establish calm, regulation, and feelings of safety.

If you are interested in delving further into this topic, here is a link to a page with a great book, The Body Keeps the ScoreBrain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., as well as workbooks to complement the reading of the book: https://amzn.to/3Pym8l1 

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Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours *

Time and Experiences Lost to Toxic People

One of the things that I found most challenging in my own healing journey was the feeling of having lost time and positive life experiences as the result of narcissistic abuse.  And this can be the case for anyone when having dealt with or currently dealing with any type of toxic individual.  What do I mean by that?  As children and young adults being raised in a dysfunctional family, it’s common to lose our sense of identity (if we were even able to form or express one in this environment) and to miss out on common life experiences.  We may not have been permitted to socialize (in order to isolate us, or because we’re pressured for high performance in academics and other pursuits, etc.), which then impacts on belonging within social circles.  This can result in exclusion and loneliness, or even being bullied.  We may be pressured to look and act a certain way that doesn’t represent who we truly are, or made to behave and dress in provocative ways (or the exact opposite).  This impacts on our future relationships and self-image, and it may even create lifelong issues surrounding intimacy.  These are just a couple of examples.

So, in addition to being abused and all of the issues it creates for us, we may be left feeling that we lost time and positive life experiences, and that we were cheated out of all or parts of our childhood or teenage years.  Maybe we didn’t appreciate our youth because, due to family dysfunction, we were not given the opportunity to do so, or we were made to feel like we didn’t have the option to enjoy it because we needed to spend time being high achievers in absolutely everything, or that we were selfish if we enjoyed just being a kid or a teen, or we didn’t think highly of our appearance, intelligence, personality, and so on because we were criticized and put down.  All of these components may even have been the cause of lost opportunities in our futures, many that we are unaware of until further into adulthood.

As adults, this can all be difficult to accept.  I mean, we have had our childhoods damaged or completely stolen from us.  We missed out on experiences because of other people’s dysfunction and brokenness.  And we have every right to be angry, hurt, resentful, sad …    It’s absolutely okay to visit those feelings, but it’s not healthy for us to take up residence there.   Not only is it important to press forward and enjoy our lives in the now, but it’s crucial that we don’t lose more precious time.  When we get stuck in the negative feelings, we lose more time to situations that were beyond our control and are now firmly in the past.  We were unknowingly caught up in other people’s issues.

We need to be patient and kind with ourselves and our inner child.  This wasn’t our fault.  We didn’t ask for any of it.  But we do need to hold ourselves accountable for how we’ll work on healing ourselves and moving forward.  There’s a great deal of satisfaction and fulfillment to be derived from having a growth mindset and reaching for what we want our lives to look like.  And although it can’t bring back lost time, missed experiences or opportunities, it can help us to enjoy and make the most of our reclaimed lives and identities.  Look forward, not back.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Twitter

 

Special Occasions and Toxic Families

With Thanksgiving underway in the U.S. today, there will be many people attempting to deal with difficult situations.  This could be in the form of interacting with toxic family members or experiencing loneliness from being either no contact or ignored.  There’s no doubt that all of these situations are incredibly challenging and painful.  The big question is: what’s the best way to deal with upsetting contact and/or loneliness, especially during special occasions?

The answer to that question is not a one-size-fits-all solution.  Each individual’s situation is unique, as is where they currently are in their journey.  So, as a result, there is no perfect answer.  It comes down to knowing that we have the right and ability to do what works best for us as individuals.  That may mean expressing boundaries to toxic family members.  It may mean staying home or spending time with other people.  There are a multitude of possibilities.  But in the end, what is important is that we do what works best for us.  That looks different for each person.  For some, it may mean maintaining the status quo because conflict isn’t on the books for us right now.  For others, it may look like taking a stand and laying down lines that we will enforce at all costs.   For others still, peace and contentment may include the choice to simply stay home and avoid the toxicity.  And all of those are perfectly fine if it fits with our current needs and goals.  One tactic that rarely works in creating or keeping peace within ourselves is doing what we think will make others happy.  Most of us who have grown up in dysfunctional family systems have been trained to focus our energy primarily on the happiness of others, rather than tending to our own lives.  So it helps to be aware of this tendency and keep its potential influence in mind when we’re making decisions.

No matter what, just know that doing what is right for any of us, at this particular point in time, is the most important component.  There’s no rulebook or guides to follow.  There is no comparison necessary.  Everyone’s journey is unique.  We need to live the life we’ve been given, to the best of our abilities.  Sometimes things get confusing and difficult, but if the focus is on peace and our best interests, then we’ll find our way.

Sending out vibes of positivity to each and every one of you, wherever you may be.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Twitter