Tag: power

So, my last post touched on how narcissists use words to control. Typically, if words don’t have the desired impact that a narcissist wants, they will turn next to the silent treatment. Simply put, this involves the refusal to communicate verbally to a certain person or people. It’s a form of punishment, control, avoidance and/or disempowerment.

For example, let’s say I have stood up to a narcissistic person who has been verbally abusive towards me. They have then attempted to justify their poor behaviour by blaming it all on me and then tried to twist reality to say that I have, in fact, somehow victimized them. But I’m not having any of it and I let them know it. Next tactic – the narcissist begins giving me the silent treatment by refusing to speak to me any further in that moment and then possibly for days, weeks or more beyond that. Chances are that this will be happening in conjunction with a smear campaign (see prior blog post in archives) in an effort to turn others against me as further punishment. That’s pretty much how this process works, with minor variances.

Depending on who the narcissist/narcissists is/are in your life, being given the silent treatment can be a very challenging experience. It can bring with it feelings of guilt, shame, abandonment, loneliness, loss, betrayal and so on. But, just like most things related to narcissism, it’s all about control for them. Controlling with words, controlling with silence, controlling with other forms of abuse. Consider the source. This is a disordered individual with a hypersensitive ego that they will do almost anything to protect. Their behaviour has nothing to do with anyone but themselves and their own issues.

So, what are some potential ways to deal with someone who is behaving in such an uncommunicative, juvenile and hurtful fashion? Well, depending on your situation, you could completely ignore them and get on with things while their behaviour runs its course. Alternatively, you could let them know that you can see what they are doing and that you aren’t interested in playing that game, and then forget about them entirely until they stop with the nonsense. Low contact or no contact are also options, either temporary or permanent (see post on this topic in archives). Of course, you could beg them to speak to you or scream until you’re hoarse, but that only serves to give them exactly what they want – control and power.

The end goal in dealing with a narcissistic-type person is to keep your wellbeing and sanity in place. Do what you feel you need to do. But, also, the constant theme should be to ensure that there are boundaries in place to protect yourself on all levels, and that means not allowing yourself to be drawn into their regular attempts at manipulation and control.

No matter what, your wellbeing comes first. Focus on your own life, keep busy, exercise, engage in hobbies, spend time with non-narcissistic friends/family and try to put negativity out of your mind. Silent treatments are rarely permanent. In the meantime, see it for what it is (basically a sulking toddler) and don’t give away any of your power or sanity to it. It gets easier every time. And if you arrive at a point where you simply choose not to have much or any future contact with this individual, that’s your prerogative. It’s your life and you have the right to live it as you see fit.

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter