As a member of many online groups on the subject of dealing with narcissists and other toxic individuals, I have observed a variety of common themes within posts. A main current is that of one’s life not feeling like their own. This typically takes the shape of people being almost constantly bombarded with opinions, criticisms, and unsolicited advice about how they should be living their lives, particularly as adults. And, taking it one step further, if the individual doesn’t conform to the opinions, criticisms, and unsolicited advice of these people (narcissistic parents, partners, friends, colleagues, etc.), they will be faced with some form of punishment such as the silent treatment or abandonment, guilt-tripping, a smear campaign, or some other manipulative treatment meant to cause someone to “do as they’re told”.
What we need to keep in mind is that this is OUR life. No one else has the right to tell us how to live it, nor do we owe anyone explanations for our decisions. If someone feels that it’s acceptable to dole out punishment because we have not followed their advice on something within our own life, that’s very telling of their character and not ours. And we have no obligation whatsoever to anyone but ourselves when it comes to our life decisions. Going forward, we may also need to evaluate our relationships with those who feel that they are justified in telling us how to live and then trying to manipulate and control us into doing what they want. There are ways (such as low or no contact, placing boundaries, etc.) to protect ourselves from that type of behaviour.
If we follow our hearts and dreams, trust ourselves as captains of our own ships, and steer clear of other people’s unsolicited interference in our decision-making (very different situation from those times we may approach a trusted individual for advice), we will be fine. And, in all honesty, we all make mistakes. We’re human. As long as we learn from those mistakes, that’s all part and parcel of a growth mindset. It makes us stronger, gives us greater knowledge and experience, and empowers us as we journey through life. No one is intended to have others run their life for them. Nor should we feel guilty or wrong if we make our own decisions. We need to take our own path, believe in ourselves, and not be held back by anyone or anything. So, get out there and live life to its fullest and on your own terms.
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Twitter