Tag: new year’s resolutions (Page 4 of 6)

One of the challenging things about having a dysfunctional family, particularly when we are keeping our distance or are completely no-contact with them, is seeing how functional families interact. Personally, since recognizing that I have always been the family scapegoat and realizing the abuse that has taken place over the course of my life, I’ve shed my fair share of tears. And those tears aren’t just because of what my family is; they’re also because of what they aren’t.

Functional families typically operate with love, open communication, respect, caring, kindness, fairness, and a plethora of other positive feelings and behaviours. They want the best for each other, to show encouragement and support, and to be there for one another through thick and thin. All of this is in direct contrast to families with, for example, a narcissist at the helm, an enabling spouse by their side, a golden child, and a scapegoat child. Virtually all of the positives are replaced by negatives. Lack of love and communication, disrespect, criticisms and judgments, selfishness, mind games, sometimes physical abuse, and so on.

So, yes, it can be a challenge to see other people with functional family members and healthy family systems. It looks so amazing and it’s difficult to not feel that we’ve been robbed of these types of relationships and experiences. It brings feelings of sadness, anger, disappointment, hurt, and confusion. When it’s so easy to choose love, caring, and peace, why do some people need to complicate life with chronic hate, bias, dishonesty, and conflict? Here’s the thing: they have issues. Big issues. It could be a need to be in control (even if that requires constant manipulation, triangulation, and deception), a constant need to feel good about themselves and boost their fragile egos by putting others down, or any number of dysfunctions. Have these people been hurt by something in their past that has made them this way? More than likely. But that doesn’t excuse their behaviour. They have choices. Rather than continuing or creating intergenerational trauma, they could be the one to make a positive difference in their own lives and the lives of those around them.

In any event, there it is. Having a dysfunctional family of origin has its fair share of struggles. Acknowledging it for what it is can be beneficial. And knowing that we have the choice to have functional relationships with others in our lives is a superpower. It may never be possible to have that with our parents and/or siblings or extended family members, but don’t despair, because there are endless opportunities to have amazing bonds with other like-minded people in this world.

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching & Wellness

www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn

*Let’s all take good care of this planet of ours”

What’s in a name? Honestly, a lot! And that’s particularly true when the name we’re being called is negative and it’s coming from someone we care about.

Here’s an example. Let’s say you grew up with a parent (with narcissistic traits and/or emotional immaturity, etc.) and they regularly referred to you as ‘average’ or ‘stupid’ or ‘foolish’ or a ‘loser’. They may also have had a habit of comparing you to others in unfavourable ways. “She’s so much prettier/smarter/nicer than you” and so on. So, this is your parent saying unpleasant things. In most cases, when we’re children, we trust our parents and believe that they ‘know’ more than we do. We also count on them to provide for us and keep us safe. It’s a vulnerable position to be in, particularly if our parent(s) have issues that are projected onto us. And so we tend to accept their labels as accurate. Of additional note are situations where an enabling parent simply goes along with the toxic parent and/or doesn’t attempt to protect us from the abuse. That’s a disappointment that adds to the struggle of the situation, without a doubt.

Being treated as though we are ‘less than’ or just plain useless is tough on our psyche. We take in the negativity and we typically begin internally labelling ourselves the same way. We might act out because we may decide to be who important people in our lives appear to think we are, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. And we see ourselves in negative ways that impact our lives in a variety of ways, from self-perception and confidence to academic underachievements, issues in relationships, and mental health issues like depression and anxiety, to name just a few.

The fact of the matter is that we aren’t deserving of the negative labels that our dysfunctional parent(s) (using the term loosely) may place on us. It is, in fact, our parent(s) who have deficiencies, such as fragile egos or emotional immaturity, and a chronic need to put down others to feel better about themselves. As for the enabling parent, they’re often trying to keep the heat off themselves from their toxic partner and so they go along with everything to maintain the f**ked up status quo. Massive betrayal of their scapegoated/abused children but, hey, they saved themselves and isn’t that what counts (sarcasm meter going off the charts)? At the most basic of levels, our parents should love us and be our biggest fans, particularly in our childhood and young adult years. And at the very least, if they can’t be positive and supportive, they shouldn’t ever be causing us damage of any kind. But that’s simply the nature of some human beings, unfortunately. Hurt people hurt people. They’re toxic.

This is simplified advice, and there are many ways to counteract this type of toxicity, but, for now, this is what needs to be said:

Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Know your worth. Stay strong. Hold your head high. This is YOUR life. Don’t let others, no matter who they are, negatively impact what your future may hold. Surround yourself with people who care about you, support you, and are beacons of positivity. You’ve got this.

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching & Wellness

naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, and LInkedIn

~Let’s all take good care of this planet of ours~

Complex PTSD, or C-PTSD, is a psychological disorder that can develop in response to prolonged, repetitive trauma, often occurring in situations where the individual feels trapped, such as in cases of ongoing abuse or captivity. This condition involves difficulties in emotional regulation, self-perception, and relationships with others, among other symptoms. C-PTSD can be the outcome of ongoing narcissistic abuse, which can lead to other issues like depression and issues with food. It is a massive threat to one’s health and wellbeing.

Coping-motivated eating, also known as emotional eating, is a behavior where individuals consume food as a way to manage their emotions, whether they are stress, sadness, anxiety, or other feelings. For those with C-PTSD, emotional eating can be a common coping mechanism, as food may provide a temporary sense of comfort or distraction from painful emotions and memories.

The Relationship between C-PTSD and Coping-Motivated Eating

1. Emotional Regulation: Individuals with C-PTSD often struggle with regulating their emotions. Eating can serve as a way to numb or distract from intense feelings or to temporarily boost mood through the release of endorphins.
2. Self-Perception and Body Image: People with C-PTSD might have a distorted self-image or feelings of worthlessness, which can contribute to unhealthy eating patterns. They may use food to cope with negative self-perception or to punish themselves.
3. Control: For those who feel a lack of control in their lives due to their trauma, eating can become a way to exert some form of control, whether it’s through restrictive eating or binge eating.

Coping Strategies

While coping-motivated eating can provide temporary relief, it often leads to negative physical and emotional consequences in the long term. Here are some healthier strategies for managing the symptoms of C-PTSD:

1. Therapy: Working with a therapist who specializes in trauma can help individuals process their experiences, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and improve emotional regulation. Approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can be particularly effective.
2. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices that promote mindfulness can help individuals become more aware of their emotions and reduce the impulse to turn to food for comfort. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and yoga can be beneficial.
3. Support Groups: Joining a support group for individuals with C-PTSD or those struggling with emotional eating can provide a sense of community and understanding, making it easier to cope with difficult emotions.
4. Healthy Lifestyle Choices: Regular physical activity, adequate sleep, and a balanced diet can improve overall well-being and reduce the reliance on food as a coping mechanism. Engaging in hobbies and activities that bring joy and fulfillment can also help distract from emotional pain.
5. Journaling: Keeping a journal can be a useful way to express and process emotions. Writing about feelings and triggers can provide insights into patterns of emotional eating and help develop alternative coping strategies.

Professional Help

If coping-motivated eating is significantly impacting your health or quality of life, seeking professional help is important. A registered dietitian or nutritionist can help develop a healthy eating plan, while a mental health professional can address the underlying emotional issues related to C-PTSD.

Until next time,

~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching na********************@***il.com

Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and X

*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours*

References

Mason SM, Frazier PA, Austin SB, Harlow BL, Jackson B, Raymond NC, Rich- Edwards JW. Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Symptoms and Problematic Overeating Behaviors in Young Men and Women. Ann Behav Med. 2017 Dec;51(6):822-832. doi: 10.1007/s12160-017-9905-1. PMID: 28425019; PMCID: PMC5648630.