Tag: life and wellness

Dealing with the realization that someone in your life has narcissistic tendencies

December 3, 2020 / Heather / 0 Comments

Realizing that someone in your life has narcissistic tendencies can be a lot to process. There could be a multitude of happenings that led you to this place. It’s typically quite different for each individual. One way or the other, here you are. So, the next thought on your mind may be figuring out how to cope with this new reality.

It’s likely that you’re feeling a mixture of emotions ranging from anger to disbelief to loss to disappointment to confusion to sadness to fear and so on. You might feel like your world has been turned upside-down without any warning. Depending on who the person is (for example, a romantic relationship), you may be concerned about the future and whether you will have one with them. If the person is an immediate family member, possibly a parent, your entire life may now feel like one big question mark. You may be questioning your belief systems and the very foundations of your life within your family of origin. Or friendships, work relationships and a variety of other circumstances could be where this newly-recognized dynamic exists. No matter what, though, there will be challenges involved for you.

This is one of those times that self-care will be a great benefit for you. Take as much time as you need to thoroughly process the situation. If necessary, find someone that you trust to discuss this with. Sometimes just saying it out loud can help with processing. In the event that you don’t feel you can share this with anyone, consider journaling. Some people find that writing down their thoughts can be just as beneficial as saying them out loud. You can always burn the paper afterwards if you want. Online forums and support groups also exist for exactly these circumstances. It goes without saying that others who are going through the same types of experiences can be a great support system and resource.

One of the best things you can do for yourself, though, is to take the time to process the situation. Trying to take the emotion out of the mix and look at the facts can also be very helpful. Once you have accepted things as they are, the next step will be to decide what to do about it, if anything. I’ll make that the topic of a future post. Just remember that this isn’t the end of the world. Take a deep breath and know that you can handle anything life has to throw at you. We all have strength within us. Sometimes we have to dig deep for it, but it’s definitely there.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Breathing Technique for Anxiety and Sleep – 4-7-8 “Relaxed Breath”

August 11, 2020 / Heather / 0 Comments

Here is a great way to reduce stress. It can also help with falling asleep.

It’s called the 4-7-8 Breathing Technique (“Relaxed Breath”). This is how it works:

Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold breath for 7 seconds, exhale forcefully through pursed lips for 8 seconds. This cycle can be repeated up to four times in a row, two or more times daily.

Breathe Rock

You can also pair this exercise with guided imagery or meditation for an even more therapeutic experience.

Just breathe, my friends.

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on FB, Instagram and Twitter

C-PTSD and Muscle Armoring – Always Tense and Braced for Trauma

July 26, 2020 / Heather / 0 Comments

For anyone who lives with C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), Muscle Armoring (or Body Hypervigilance) can be a very real and challenging issue. With this situation, the individual is always on high alert for perceived threats in their environment. This state involves both mental ‘scanning’ and physical armoring in preparation for fight, flight or freeze in response to potential ‘attacks’. Over time, this high state of preparedness becomes the norm. The mind and body are ALWAYS in a state of readiness to defend and protect.

This constant hypervigilance can lead to mental anxiety (a topic of future blogs) as well as muscle armoring. Muscle armoring is the direct result of a constant state of physical tension. Another way to look at it is as defence mechanisms in consistent overdrive. Physically, that can look like raised shoulders and neck tension, tight facial muscles, regular jumpiness, constant fidgeting and so on. Generally, many of the muscles in the body are perpetually tensed up and in a state of readiness in anticipation of an attack. In C-PTSD, this is typically the result of living in environments with prolonged abuse and trauma.

Muscle armoring or body hypervigilance, which is a completely unconscious defence and survival phenomenon, causes muscles to be continually overworked, which typically results in muscle (and sometimes adrenal) fatigue and pain. Once that pain becomes a reality, many people begin to become increasingly aware of just how tense their bodies are.

So, you may be wondering what can be done to improve the situation. First of all, it is highly recommended to find a good therapist who specializes in C-PTSD and can help with understanding and healing from the originating psychological aspect . With an awareness of the underlying causes, the physical issues can then be better approached with understanding and compassion. A support system such as what is offered by Natural Clarity Coaching can also be of great assistance throughout the journey of healing.

Obviously, a balanced diet, exercise, sufficient sleep and regular self-care are always great practices. Beyond that, there are many additional options, such as: Massage therapy with a professional or via the use of at-home massage tools, yoga (there are many programs to be found for free online which are specifically geared to dealing with trauma), essential oils, warm baths with Epsom salts, heating pads, body braids, TENS units, deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation exercises, guided imagery, mindfulness and meditation.

NCC frog relaxing on lily pad

As with anything of this magnitude, recovery and healing will take time. Hypervigilance and body armoring doesn’t happen overnight, so it definitely won’t resolve that quickly, either. Be patient and kind to yourself during the healing process. You deserve peace and wellbeing in every part of your life.

Until next time,

Heather – Natural Clarity Coaching www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Narcissists are Time Thieves

June 28, 2020 / Heather / 0 Comments

When a narcissist is involved directly in your life, especially as a partner, there is no doubt that they will take many things from you. TIME is one of the major thefts. Let’s chat about that today.

Your time will undoubtedly be stolen through giving seemingly endless amounts of catering to and focusing on someone who can never seem to get enough attention. Countless hours will be spent on worrying about whatever negative situations the narcissist brings into your life. Priority and importance will take leave from your own self-care and personal goals in order to be piled into wondering what you said or did (or didn’t say or didn’t do) that caused the narcissist to lash out at you in anger or give you the silent treatment for hours or days. (Side note: It’s never truly about you – these are broken people)

As time goes on, most, if not all, of your energy will shift to the narcissist, to the often total detriment of yourself. Every day becomes all about them; their wants, needs, dreams and goals. You may even lose all sense of who YOU are in the process.

Obviously it is a matter of personal choice to either stay with or leave a narcissistic partner. No matter what, though, it is imperative that we hold on to our own self-care, wants, needs, dreams and goals. Carving out as much time as possible to take care of ourselves and prioritize our own aims in life can make a huge difference, whether we’re with a narcissist or have chosen to live a narc-free existence.

The bottom line is that time is precious and no one should be allowed to steal all of it from us.

Be well.

Heather – Natural Clarity Coaching

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery with Natural Clarity Coaching

June 22, 2020 / Heather / 0 Comments

One of the main areas of focus at Natural Clarity Coaching is to work with clients who have recognized that they have been the victim of one or more narcissists and who have chosen to work on their recovery from the abuse and damage.

As our target area is recovery, the narcissists and their behaviour are not a major topic. However, let’s get the basics out of the way. What exactly is a narcissist (aka an individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD)? NPD is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. These people often are or were victims of someone narcissistic, which often leads them to engaging in the same behaviour towards others. They are broken people. As the saying goes, ‘Hurt people, hurt people’. It’s a vicious cycle in which serious dysfunctions are created and poor choices are often made. In the end, it comes down to those crucial points of making a choice to either get help and recover or to allow the brokenness to perpetuate the cycle of hurt. Many literally can’t or won’t see the patterns and the cycles within their relationships, though, so they simply continue with them. These issues often run through families for generations.

What are some of the potential resulting issues for someone who is abused by a narcissist? Well, after any period of time with someone who uses words in manipulative ways in order to control, demean, confuse, isolate and emotionally break you for their own benefit, there will almost always be consequences. In fact, this is so common that there is something called Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome wherein, very basically put, individuals begin to doubt themselves and their own sanity. There is also a high risk of Complex-PTSD, adrenal fatigue (from constant fight, flight, freeze), anxiety, depression and a variety of other life-changing issues.

The bottom line is that being abused by a narcissist, whether it is a family member, significant other, employer or co-worker, and so on, is an incredibly difficult and challenging situation. And because it typically creeps in insidiously and becomes ‘the way of things’, together with silent treatments and/or anger for pushing back against the abusive behaviour, we often become lulled into a sense of it being ‘normal’ and that it’s better to just hunker down, keep quiet (or sometimes argue constantly) and live with it. It’s possible that we grew up in a dysfunctional family with a narcissistic parent, so dysfunction feels familiar with romantic partners or friends. This is what love looks like, right? Maybe we’ve been convinced that we deserve this treatment. So we slide into survival mode just to get through every day. But even though we may eventually feel numb, those manipulative words, those ongoing silent treatments or verbal attacks, and that constant emotional pain and hurt, have all culminated in any number of the issues which I noted above. Like an onion, there are layers of damage and trauma involved.

So that’s a very simplified explanation of narcissists, narcissistic abuse, and the damage it can do to others. There is ample information online and in a variety of books that will tell us anything we want to know about the subject. In fact, just look around at many of today’s news headlines (think American politics 😉 ) or the constant selfies and egotistical attitudes of some ‘celebrities’ – that’s a lesson in narcissistic behaviour right there.

Information about recovery from narcissistic abuse isn’t yet as widely available. And, unfortunately, there are many online sites that offer recovery programs at unreal prices. Natural Clarity Coaching places importance on making recovery support affordable in the short or long term.

Recovery is a journey but it’s well worth the time and effort. Contact Natural Clarity Coaching at na********************@***il.com or take a look at our website at www.naturalclaritycoaching.com. We offer customized narcissistic abuse recovery programs and a strong support system to stand beside you every step of the way. $25/hour Cdn.

NCC Not what you want your life to look like

Take that step towards reclaiming yourself and your life. You’ll be glad that you did.

Heather – Natural Clarity Coaching

What’s Natural Clarity Coaching all about?

June 20, 2020 / Heather / 0 Comments

So, what’s Natural Clarity Coaching all about?

It’s all about life and wellness coaching with special focuses on narcissistic abuse recovery, living and thriving with C-PTSD, emotional intelligence, challenging our belief systems, basics of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and more. With customized coaching programs built on confidential, trusted and solid support systems, progress, healing, recovery and growth are much more attainable.

Natural Clarity Coaching – a name that means just what it says. We all have a natural clarity within us, meaning the ability to clearly see what we want and need in order to live our best lives. Often, we find ourselves caught in a fog of negativity and stress, out-of-control emotions, other people’s judgments and opinions – a veritable whirlwind of confusion, fear, and either immobilization or frantically running here and there with no destination – and this leaves us possibly struggling with feeling lost, scattered and lacking focus. Our natural clarity becomes buried and faded within all of the upheaval and this can become an ongoing state of being. We operate on auto-pilot. It becomes all about surviving and simply getting through each day.

When we find positive and long-term tools to see through the fog of stress and negativity, deal with our emotions on a rational and intelligent level and let other people’s beliefs roll off, we can truly begin to care for and nurture ourselves. This is where the ‘natural clarity’ comes in. When the layers of fog are pushed away, it leaves us with a clear mind and the opportunity to focus on growing, thriving in our lives and finding fulfillment. We can focus on enjoying every day and attaining our goals. Like fog lights on a vehicle, we can learn to push through the fog until we find our way to clearer roads ahead.

NCC Fog with Sun Behind Tree

Until next time. 🙂

Heather – Natural Clarity Coaching (na********************@***il.com)

(www.naturalclaritycoaching.com)

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