Tag: boundaries (Page 8 of 12)
In this age of technology, we have the ability to instantly find information on virtually anything and anyone. Although we need to exercise discretion in what we choose to believe of what we see and read online, there’s no doubt that there are all kinds of self-help resources to be found with a simple search.
So, have you checked out the new, free course that is available here at Natural Clarity Coaching? On the main page, open the menu (three white lines below the header) and select ‘Free Mini-Courses’. The current freebie is about the basics of narcissistic personality disorder, and there are more to come on a variety of topics.
How about the new course under the ‘Shop Online Courses’ tab? That one’s on intuition and red flag awareness. It’s $19.99 (U.S.) but I feel a sale coming on! And there are more courses coming in the near future.
What I can tell you about the courses at Natural Clarity Coaching is that they are created with a backing of not only personal experience and ongoing post-secondary education in psychology and trauma, but with genuine empathy and a desire to help others in difficult times. And the focus of these courses isn’t “what’s wrong with this person who hurt me” (although this is touched on for understanding of the topic), but, rather, a roadmap that moves from learning to healing, growing, and thriving.
That’s all for now! If you check out any of the courses, enjoy! And check back often because there’s plenty more to come. Oh, and these blogs are always available 24/7!!
Until next time,
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching
www.naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com
Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and TikTok
*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours
This free mini-course touches on the basics of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Optimal viewing is full screen (button in bottom right-hand corner of slideshow below).
Click on each slide to move to the next or use left-right arrow keys . Use ‘escape’ to leave the full screen mode.
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching
Check out the Introduction section of my new, self-paced course offering, ‘Using Intuition and Red Flags to Avoid Toxic Behaviour‘. This will give you a bit of a taste of what the course has to offer. Then, if you’re interested in purchasing it, simply click on the ‘Shop Online Courses’ tab on the main menu. That will take you to the course purchase options.
Just a note – to watch the preview, it is recommended that you open it up to full screen by hovering over the box below and selecting the button in the bottom right-hand corner. To move from slide to slide, click on the slide show or use left-right arrow keys.
If you decide to purchase this course, enjoy! There are more on the way in the near future.
Heather
~Natural Clarity Coaching~
na********************@***il.com
Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Tiktok
*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours
Hi All!
Just posting to let you know that there is a new course available for purchase from Natural Clarity Coaching – Using Intuition and Red Flag Awareness to Avoid Toxic Behaviour. The focus is on intuition – how it works, ways to access it, and the benefits it can create – and how to develop a strong awareness of some of the most common red flags. Next, the course delves into how using intuition and red flag awareness as a dynamic duo can provide empowerment and act as a guide to avoid toxic behaviours in our daily lives.
This affordable course is set out in a dynamic slideshow format that is self-paced and easy to follow.
If you are interested, please follow this link for the shop area of Natural Clarity Coaching: https://naturalclaritycoaching.com/product/course-using-intuition-and-awareness-of-red-flags-to-avoid-toxic-behaviour/ or simply click on the ‘Shop Online Courses’ menu on the home page.
Purchases are safely processed by WooCommerce, and the courses have lifetime availability.
Enjoy!
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn
“Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” ~ Gabor Mate
With trauma of any kind, a mark is left not only on the mind, but also on the body. The memory of trauma becomes stored in the body as well as the nervous system. This can then lead to both psychological and physiological symptoms which can be overwhelming and fatiguing, as in PTSD and C-PTSD. In turn, emotional and physical exhaustion are common results.
If we’re looking at some of the specific symptoms, they can manifest as:
- Anxiety, depression, dissociation
- Triggers
- Flashbacks, nightmares, difficulty sleeping
- Paranoia
- Hypervigilance
- Migraines
- Chronic pain
When experiencing a traumatic event, our body is triggered to fight, flee, or fawn (trying to please someone to avoid conflict). This comes from within the sympathetic nervous system (connects internal organs to the brain by spinal nerves), and is considered an acute response to stress. While this reaction is a human survival reaction in the form of heightened arousal, when this happens regularly – even in the form of triggers from past trauma – it becomes challenging to return to a regulated and calm state.
There are many ways to counteract stored trauma and rebalance our nervous system, such as body-based therapies. These include trauma-informed yoga, somatic therapy (connecting mind and body), and other methods to establish calm, regulation, and feelings of safety.
If you are interested in delving further into this topic, here is a link to a page with a great book, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., as well as workbooks to complement the reading of the book: https://amzn.to/3Pym8l1
Until next time,
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn
*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours *
Yes, it’s possible for a narcissist to have been, or still be, a scapegoat. This is particularly true when they have been narcissistically abused by a parent or guardian. It isn’t necessarily golden children who may become egotistical and/or narcissistic.
I’ll share a bit about the case of an individual (not a client) who grew up with three siblings. He has two sisters and an older brother. This brother is the golden child of the family, while the person I mentioned was – and still is – the scapegoat. His mother never has a kind or complimentary thing to say about him, and she does her best to control everything in his life, which has led him to many downfalls. And yet she raves about her oldest son while continuing to criticize her other adult son. Of note is the fact that her oldest son is quite a narcissist himself but couldn’t do wrong in her eyes if he tried.
In this particular situation, this narcissistic mother believed herself to have been an outstanding farmer with a huge cattle operation when her children were young, and yet accounts from others – including her scapegoated son – were that they lived on a relatively small hobby farm that never amounted to much. Livestock was not well cared for, plentiful crops evaded her, and veggie gardens were not productive. But the point to be made here is that she has always placed immense importance on farming because, in her narcissistic mind, she felt that she was exceptional at it. And so, her scapegoated son has spent his life to date attempting to become a farmer that his toxic mother would be proud of. He has poured tens of thousands of dollars into creating what he thinks would impress her. He lost his family over the obsession, although his alcoholism and narcissistic abuse were also major contributing factors. Yet, in the end, he has never been successful at farming despite decades of trying. Why? Because it isn’t his dream. It’s his mother’s dream. And the sad fact is that even if he were to be successful, it would never be enough for her. He will never receive the love and validation that he has craved from his mother for his entire life.
This scapegoated narcissist will likely spend all his days attempting to live out someone else’s dreams in the hopes of finally being acknowledged and praised by someone who is incapable of giving that to him. His only release may come about when his mother passes on.
So, yes, narcissists can simultaneously be scapegoats. The hits to the ego that are a part of being a scapegoated child have the potential to turn a person into an ego-protecting and abusive narcissist, seeking out their own scapegoats, while continuing to be narcissistically abused by a disordered parent. Sad mixture, for certain.
Everyone has a story that has brought them to their current chapter. While it’s a challenge to feel sympathy for narcissists, simply trying to put oneself in their shoes for a few moments is often enough to shine a spotlight on their unpleasant existence. If nothing else, it allows for a glimpse into why they behave the way they do. We don’t have to forgive if we don’t choose to, but sometimes it helps to understand why narcissists are they way they are. It allows us to know that it has nothing to do with us but everything to do with their own internal chaos.
Here are some great books on narcissistic families and scapegoats: https://amzn.to/3KYNMVI
Until next time,
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn
*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours *
If you’re interested, here’s a link to a book on the subject of narcissistic personality disorder: https://amzn.to/3PbfsJq
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn
*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours *
As they say, trauma isn’t all about just the bad stuff; it’s also about the good stuff that never happened. And great malice isn’t necessary to do great harm because an absence of both empathy and understanding are sufficient.
Sometimes what is lacking can have as much of a negative impact as what is occurring. So, what happens in our childhoods within dysfunctional families can be obvious – like physical and/or verbal abuse – but it can also be invisible. And, sadly, both play out in our lives as we become adults. All of it can lead to severe insecurity, lack of confidence or self-acceptance, and issues in other relationships, to name just a few. Emotionally immature and unavailable role models often lead their children down the path of deficits in many ways.
How do we repair these emotional wounds that have major influence in our lives? My focus is always on growing an awareness of the dynamics we have experienced in our lives, and then making healing a priority. Once we see where and by whom the damage was done, it’s okay to sit with those feelings that will inevitably arise, like anger, grief, sadness, loss, and regret. Even though we’re often taught not to feel or show emotions, we need to recognize the importance of honouring and validating how we feel.
But once that step feels complete, we need to prioritize ourselves and our healing. That’s what is most important. Some online articles or books will suggest taking revenge on disordered parents or anyone who has caused us harm, but when you really think about it, what good does that do us? It only uses time that we could be putting into healing and thriving. That’s been said in previous blog posts so I won’t go into it again here.
For now, this is simply a reminder that the experiences that create trauma or challenges aren’t always loud and directly observable. They can lay within parental silent treatment, the absence of empathy and understanding from our role models, missing out on good experiences, and so on. And what creates trauma or other issues in each of us is as unique as we are.
Here’s a link to search results for books on the subject of healing trauma: https://amzn.to/44nrV0S
Until next time,
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn
*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours *
I think it’s important for this to be said. If we have come from a dysfunctional family of any kind – but particularly narcissistic – we owe zero explanations to them for how we choose to live our lives. And, further, it’s okay if our family of origin is disappointed or disagrees with our choices. This is OUR life to live. And, from the experiences of many, living our lives in accordance with other people’s instructions often leads to regret and other challenging issues.
So, that disappointed look that a narcissistic mother gives or the condescending comments by an enabling father, for example, are not our concern. And we should think long and hard before we act on those things. Yes, we’ve been conditioned to believe that we need to make everyone else happy and “do as we’re told”. But that isn’t something that will hold us back if we don’t allow it to do so. Narcissists and enablers are great with guilt-tripping and disappointed expressions. Let them! Seriously…let them do what they need to do while we live out our own plans and achieve our own goals. Take those risks, make those choices, bring those dreams into the realm of reality. It’s okay! In fact, it’s 110% okay. Live life and make zero apologies for it to parents or other family members who think it’s appropriate to not only make someone’s life choices for them, but to react with guilting, shame, silent treatment or other controlling tactics if those choices are not made as ordered.
We all need to live our lives as we choose. Ignoring pressure from other people gets easier the more we practice it. Exercise those self-acceptance muscles every chance that presents itself. And remember, it’s their choice to behave in the controlling and manipulative ways they do about OUR lives. O-U-R lives. Not theirs. So many people struggle with not having validation from family when the only validation that is needed is their own. The rest of it is simply other people’s opinions, which are often based in stereotypes and biases.
Live life to the fullest!
**Here are some book ideas for dealing with dysfunctional people, if you’re interested: https://amzn.to/3qGnUHk
Until next time,
~Heather~ Natural Clarity Coaching naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn
*Let’s all take care of this planet of ours *