Tag: behaviours

Let it RAIN

March 30, 2023 / Heather / 0 Comments

Hello All,

Thanks for being here. 🙂

RAIN is an acronym for a healing, meditative system for mindfulness and compassion regarding behaviours and thoughts that might be rooted in fear or other feelings. It stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture. This is especially beneficial for those who are survivors of narcissistic abuse or other dysfunctional relationships because it is a gentle process that can be carried out alone and at any choice of pace.

The way it works is simple. We may at some point become aware, to whatever degree, of patterns of behaviour and thoughts that we are engaging in. There could be a catalyst that brings us to this awareness. Maybe we just had a massive blow-up with our partner or a friend. Maybe we always feel like a failure despite clear evidence to the contrary. It could be anything, or nothing at all. We may have simply arrived at this point of awareness and we’re ready to look more deeply at it. From here, we begin to recognize what might be happening. We are acknowledging that something is negatively affecting us. And we need to ask ourselves some questions from a non-judgmental state. Are we trying to control everything; to micromanage ourselves and others? Are we unintentionally harming ourselves or important relationships with others through challenging behaviours that also affect them? These are just a couple of questions we may ask ourselves but it will all depend on what we are doing and thinking, and in what context. This doesn’t need to be a full-blown self-inquiry. It can look like quiet but intentional thoughts or even a whisper.

The next step is to allow ourselves this state of recognition, without trying to understand it or label it. Just sit peacefully with it, in the absence of judgement or blame. This is somewhat of a purposeful pause in order to allow for deeper levels of attention. Fear might be showing itself. Anxiety may be hovering. We can allow ourselves to quietly observe anything that arises and acknowledge its presence within ourselves or certain situations.

Next is the investigative phase. Here, we can move on to investigating more about why we might be engaging in certain behaviours that may be causing issues for us. This is an opportunity for us to listen to our body and what it might be feeling. As the saying goes, “the issues are in our tissues”. Our bodies hold a record of our thoughts and emotions, good and bad. For example, is there tightness or discomfort in certain areas? If so, what do you think might be behind this; fear, anxiety, anger, hurt? Then ask a few simple questions. What is it that we believe about ourselves or situations that results in patterns of certain thoughts and behaviours that are not beneficial? Do we do “fill in the blank” out of fear? Are we concerned about losing control and having our worst fears come to fruition? Do we have childhood trauma from toxic role models and so we unconsciously act on messages that were unjustifiably funnelled to us as children, such as inadequacy, that we’re unlovable, abandonment, rejection, fear, and so on? Do we project unresolved, fear-based feelings from past experiences and relationships onto current relationships, inadvertently causing conflict in the present?

Lastly, we move to the nurturing process of the RAIN system. Here is the space where we show ourselves compassion and love after recognizing that we are suffering in some way. We need to ask our inner selves what is needed. Is it reassurance? Is it forgiveness? Is it engaging more in connections with others? Then we actively provide that care to ourselves. “You’re okay.” “This isn’t your fault”. “Trust yourself”. “It’s okay to reach out for connection”.

After the four RAIN steps have been completed, it’s important to simply feel our own presence and awareness. Hold onto that meditative state for as long as you need to. We don’t need to self-limit ourselves and our lives because of fear or other heavy feelings. We can seek them out within ourselves, sit with the new awareness, acknowledge our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, and then nurture ourselves. In this process, we have the potential to move to new and improved spaces in our lives through self-acceptance, understanding, and compassion.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and Twitter

References

Brach, T. (2020, January 1). RAIN: A practice of radical compassion. Tara Brach. https://www.tarabrach.com/rain-practice-radical-compassion/

What is Emotional/Psychological Trauma?

May 21, 2021 / Heather / 0 Comments

In emotional/psychological terms, trauma can be described as a deeply disturbing or distressing experience. Another description of trauma is emotional shock following a stressful event or physical injury.

Three of the Main Forms of Trauma:

Acute – Resulting from a single dangerous or stressful event (PTSD)

Chronic – Resulting from repeated and prolonged exposure to highly stressful events (domestic violence, child abuse, bullying, etc.) (Chronic PTSD)

Complex – Resulting from exposure to multiple traumatic events (Complex PTSD)

Here are some of the signs and symptoms of emotional and psychological trauma (cascadebh.com):

Cognitive:

Intrusive thoughts of the event that may occur out of the blue
Nightmares
Visual images of the event
Loss of memory and concentration abilities
Disorientation
Confusion
Mood swings

Behavioral:

Avoidance of activities or places that trigger memories of the event
Social isolation and withdrawal
Lack of interest in previously-enjoyable activities

Physical:

Easily startled
Tremendous fatigue and exhaustion
Tachycardia
Edginess
Insomnia
Chronic muscle patterns
Sexual dysfunction
Changes in sleeping and eating patterns
Vague complaints of aches and pains throughout the body
Extreme alertness; always on the lookout for warnings of potential danger

Psychological:

Overwhelming fear
Obsessive and compulsive behaviors
Detachment from other people and emotions
Emotional numbing
Depression
Guilt – especially if one lived while others perished
Shame
Emotional shock
Disbelief
Irritability
Anger
Anxiety
Panic attacks

Below are some of the most common forms of trauma therapy:

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

Behaviour Therapy (Exposure Therapy)

Psychodynamic Therapy

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Hypnotherapy

Group Therapy

Pharmacotherapy (Medication).

Unfortunately, trauma is a part of many people’s lives. Becoming trauma-informed (understanding how trauma is created and the symptoms, behaviours and needs of people who have been traumatized) is beneficial on both personal and social levels, regardless of whether we have experienced trauma firsthand. Understanding, patience and compassion go a long way in being supportive of possibly yourself and/or others in your life who are suffering.