In many cases within a dysfunctional family system, the individual who is silently labelled as the scapegoat or black sheep will be a truth-teller. By this, I mean someone who tells their truth at any cost, even when it comes to the dysfunctions of their family of origin or a close relationship with a partner or friend.
Given that narcissists, for example, create their own self-serving realities and expect everyone to accept them without question, a truth-teller is an aggravation to them. This may be one of the reasons why the scapegoat or black sheep was targeted in the first place. Who better to hold accountable for all the family’s or relationship’s problems than someone who has the power to blow the whistle on the entire system? So the scapegoat is perpetually discredited and made to look like a liar, or even “crazy”, in order to protect the narcissist’s (or other toxic person’s) carefully crafted persona and to carry on the family or relationship roles and systems.
I say, embrace truth-telling. There will always be people who dislike the truth because it doesn’t fit their narrative. So be it. It isn’t the end of the world. Over time, many of us who are scapegoated, black sheep, truth-tellers eventually separate ourselves from our toxic family of origin (or other relationships in our lives) because we realize that no matter what we say or do to simply be ourselves or defend ourselves, those dynamics will continue. As long as we continue to speak our truth, we will be targeted, blamed, and have smear campaigns launched against us by some people.
In the end, we need to be true to ourselves. And that includes being truth-tellers and often means going no contact or low contact with certain people. Is that challenging? It definitely can be. Is it impossible? Nope. And, in my experience, it will bring more peace and calm into daily life than was ever experienced in the past. That’s worth its weight in gold.
Don’t be afraid to be a truth-teller. And just know that if someone doesn’t like hearing your truth, especially about dysfunctional family or relationship systems, it’s probably because they feel threatened by it. That’s their issue, not yours. And don’t forget about self-care if you’re in the midst of challenges. Here’s a great book that you might want to consider for ideas: https://amzn.to/3n2B92Y. (Just copy and paste the link into your browser and it will direct you to the book.)
Until next time,
Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ naturalclaritycoaching.com na********************@***il.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, and Twitter